How does a mathematician plow fields? With a pro-tractor.
What’s a math teacher’s favorite kind of tree? Geometry.
Parallel lines have so much in common … It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
What do you call more than one L? A parallel!
Why wasn’t the geometry teacher at school? Because she sprained her angle.
I had an argument with a 90° angle. It turns out it was right.
Did you hear about the over-educated circle? It has 360°!
What shape is usually waiting for you inside a Starbucks? A line.
Why doesn’t anybody talk to circles? Because there’s no point.
Why was the obtuse triangle always upset? Because it’s never right.
What do geometry teachers have decorating their floor? Area rugs!
What do mathematicians do after a snowstorm? Make snow angles!
Why did the mathematician spill all of his food in the oven? The directions said, “Put it in the oven at 180°”.
Why was math class so long? The teacher kept going off on a tangent.
Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor? The teacher told him not to use tables.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How do you solve any equation? Multiply both sides by zero.
Which tables do you not have to learn? Dinner tables!
Surgeon: Nurse, I have so many patients. Who do I work on first? Nurse: Simple, follow the order of operations.
I met a math teacher who had 12 children. She really knows how to multiply!
Why was the student confused when he went from English class to math class? Because he was taught that a double negative in English is bad, but in math, it’s a positive.
What tool is best suited for math? Multi-pliers.
Why was Mr. Gilson’s class so noisy? He liked to practice gong division!
Why did the girl wear glasses during math class? It improved di-vision.
A father noticed his son was sad coming home from school one day. “What’s wrong?” The father asked. “I really don’t like long division,” the son answered,
“I always feel bad for the remainders.”
What’s a swimmer's favorite kind of math? Dive-ision!
Do you know what seems odd to me? Numbers that aren’t divisible by two.
Do you know what’s odd? Every other number!
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven, eight, nine!
A talking sheepdog rounds up all the sheep into the pen for his farmer. He comes back and says, “Okay, Chief — all 40 sheep accounted for”. The farmer says,
“But I’ve counted them and I’ve only got 36!” The sheepdog replies, “I know, but I rounded them up.”
I hired an odd man to do eight jobs for me. When I got back, he’d only done jobs one, three, five, and seven.
What are ten things you can always count on? Your fingers.
Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.
There are three kinds of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can’t.
Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel? Because it had more cents!
What did the spelling book say to the math book? “I know I can count on you!”
Why do teenagers always travel in groups of three, five, or seven? Because they can’t even!
What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator? A friend you can count on.
Why did the two fours skip lunch? They already eight!
How do you make seven an even number? Remove the S.
Which king loved fractions? Henry the ⅛.
There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator… But only a fraction would understand.
How are a dollar and the moon similar? They both have four quarters!
Why did ⅕ go to the masseuse? Because it was two-tenths!
How do we know the fractions, x/c, y/c, and z/c, are all in Europe? They’re all over c’s!
Have you heard the one about the statistician? Probably.
A statistician got soaking wet trying to cross a river. He thought he could cross, because it was one-foot deep on average.
Why did the student get upset when her teacher called her average? It was a ‘mean’ thing to say.
There was a statistics teacher who would always accelerate hard when driving through intersections and then slow down after passing through. One day he
drove a colleague to work who was noticeably uncomfortable at his driving. The colleague asked, “Why do you always drive so fast through intersections?” To
which the statistics teacher responded, “Well, statistically speaking, you’re more likely to have an accident in an intersection, so I make sure to get
through them as fast as possible!”
A statistics professor and a math professor worked together on a cookbook. They called it “Pi A La Mode”.
A mathematician sees three people go into a building. Later she sees four people leave. When she is asked how many people are in the building she replies,
“Well, if one person enters the house it’ll be empty.”
Why is statistics never anyone’s favorite subject? It’s just average.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi.
Mathematician: πr2(Pi r squared). Baker: No! Pies are round and cakes are square!
Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur’s table? Sir Cumference. How did he get so round? He ate too many π’s.
What’s the official animal of Pi day? The Pi-thon!
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