Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
What do you call 26 letters that went for a swim? Alphawetical.
What’s the name of a very polite, European body of water? Merci.
Why was the color green notoriously single? It was always so jaded.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
I want to make a brief joke, but it’s a little cheesy.
Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.
How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.
5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
Why did the bedding hide their relationship? They just wanted something pillow-key!
You’re American when you go into a bathroom and when you come out, but what are you while you’re in the bathroom? European.
I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation. I figure it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.
Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But catscan.
What did the flowers do when the bride walked down the aisle? They rose.
It takes guts to be an organ donor.
What does “Rockin’ Robin” do when she’s bored? Tweet.
I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
How do you row a canoe filled with puppies? Bring out the doggy paddle.
What’s a crafty dancer’s favorite hobby? Cutting a rug.
How does a penguin build his house? Igloos it together.
What kind of music do chiropractors like? Hip pop.
What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
Why is cold water so insecure? Because it’s never called hot.
I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
Shouldn’t the “roof” of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?
Stop looking for the perfect match…use a lighter.
I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but he said it’s just a bug going around.
Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
I signed up for a marathon, but how will I know if it’s the real deal or just a run through?
When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two!
What did the juicer say to the orange during self-quarantine? Can’t wait to squeeze you!
What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear!
Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
Someone told me that I should write a book. I said, “That’s a novel concept.”
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
I tell dad jokes, but I don’t have any kids. I’m a faux pa.
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.
If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Why do dads feel the need to tell such bad jokes? They just want to help you become a groan up.
I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work.
Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.
What do you call two octopuses that look the same? Itenticle
.
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A bed.
Sore throats are a pain in the neck.
What does a house wear? Address.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was out standing in his field.
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
My son asked me to put his shoes on, but I don’t think they’ll fit me.
I’ve been bored recently, so I decided to take up fencing. The neighbors keep demanding that I put it back.
What do you call an unpredictable camera? A loose Canon.
I didn’t get a haircut, I got them all cut.
Which U.S. state is known for its especially small soft drinks? Minnesota.
What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing—they fast.
What did one Dorito farmer say to the other? “Cool Ranch!”
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.
I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
What vegetable is kind to everyone? The sweet potato.
How was the handsome runner described? “Dashing.”
What animals are the best to call if you get locked out of your house? Monkeys.
What did the geometry teacher say when the class had trouble solving a problem? “Let’s try a different angle.”
Why don’t phones ever go hungry? They have plenty of apps to choose from.
Why couldn’t the family leave the room after playing with Legos? They were blocked.
What makes a basketball court trendy and accessorized? The hoops.
What did the sapphire’s best friend tell her? “You’re a real gem.”
funny dad jokes for adults
funny dad jokes 2020
funny dad jokes for father's day
funny dad jokes kid friendly
funny dad jokes knock knock
funny dad jokes for birthday
really funny dad jokes 2021
actually funny dad jokes reddit
funny dad jokes christmas
funny dad jokes to tell your dad
funny corny dad jokes
funny birthday dad jokes
funny christmas dad jokes
funny kid dad jokes
funny one liner dad jokes