Am I cute enough yet, or do you need more of these vodkas?
My doc said that I have an arrhythmia. But your presence is sure proving him wrong.
I sure hope woman, that you know CPR because you are astounding me.
Girl, will you stop getting any hotter? You are killing the poor thermometer!
Would you be kind enough to hold this while I go out for a walk?
Say with a careless tone, “Lady, you better direct that beauty somewhere else or you’ll set the bar on fire.
You must go and see a doctor lady! (Girl – why?) You have ‘BEAUTY’ all over your face!
You are like dandruff because I just cannot get you out of my head no matter how hard I try.
Why do men like to fall in love at first sight? Because doing so saves them a lot of money.
Can I borrow a kiss from you? I promise you that I will give it back.
Never laugh at your significant other’s choices because you happen to be one of them.
Are you familiar with that tingly feeling that you get in your body when you start to develop feelings for someone? That feeling is all of your common sense, leaving your body.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pauline. Pauline, who? I think I’m Pauline in love with you.
You are in my heart, my mind, and in my entire body. In fact, my doctor says that you must be a parasite!
A couple is on a date at a fancy restaurant. The woman tells the man to say something to her that will get her heart racing. He replies, “I forgot my
wallet.
The brain is the most impressive organ in our whole body. From the day you are born, it works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, right up until you fall in love.
Love is when I walk to the other side of the classroom to sharpen my pen so that I can see her. And then I realize that I am holding a pen.
I am not drunk; you just intoxicate me.
I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.
If I were a stoplight, I’d turn red every time you passed by, so that I could stare at you a bit longer.
Babe, your beauty makes the morning sun look like the dull glimmer of the moon.
You’d better direct that beauty somewhere else; you’ll set the carpet on fire.
If you are here, who is running hell?
Take my advice — it’s not like I’m dumb enough to.
You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?
Do you have a Band-Aid? I just scraped my knee falling for you.
Fascinating. I have been looking at your eyes all night long because I have never seen such dark eyes with so much light in them.
If a thousand painters worked for a thousand years, they could not create a work of art as beautiful as you.
I was wondering if you had an extra heart mine seems to have been stolen.
I without you is like a nerd without braces, a shoe without laces, a sentence without spaces.
Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten, I see!
There is something wrong with my cell phone. It does not have your number in it.
I am fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
I’ve been trying to sum up the courage to ask out my crush. I’ve gotten to the point where I can now look into her eyes and not be nervous!
Next step: Do it without binoculars.
Talking to my crush is like talking to God. They never respond.
Your chromosomes have combined beautifully.
You are hotter than the bottom of my laptop after I have been binge-watching Netflix.
A day without you is like a broken pencil. Pointless.
Do you have any raisins? How about a date?
This is so us: me doing all the talking and you just sitting there looking cute.
If I had a rose for every time I thought of you; I would be walking through my garden forever.
A man and women were getting married in a courthouse. As they were leaving the courtroom, the bride said to the groom, “Isn’t it nice to be here when we’re not being convicted of something?
Do you know about the concept of Newton’s law? It states that for every idiot, there is an equal and opposite idiot. They are called husband and wife.
I will make you a deal (Girl – What?). I will kiss you, and if you do not like it, you can return it.
Would you be kind enough to hold this (hand) while I go for a walk?
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?
Wait! Before you cast those dreamy eyes on me, I want to get my maps and GPS ready. Okay, go!
If grapes make skin beautiful, then you must be living in a vineyard!
If you were a phone from Apple, then you would be called iGorgeous
What are you doing this evening?” (Girl – nothing) “Let’s do nothing together then!
I have a friend. He keeps trying to convince me he’s a compulsive liar, but I don’t believe him.
I’m on a whiskey diet…I’ve lost three days already.Tap To Copy
I went to see the doctor about my short-term memory problems – the first thing he did was make me pay in advance.
I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus, a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
My first experience with culture shock? Probably when I peed on an electric fence.
When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.
As I get older and I remember all the people I’ve lost along the way, I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me.
If you think eggplant is good, you should try any other food; it’s much better.
The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.
The best thing about good old days is that we were neither good nor old.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
I am originally from Indiana. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana – mafia.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it.
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
You’re not fat, you’re just… easier to see.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Hedgehogs, eh? Why can’t they just share the hedge?
My friends tell me that cooking is easy, but it’s not easier than not cooking.
What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
One snowman asks another, “Do you smell carrots?”
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