Why did the orange lose the race? It ran out of juice.
How you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
Why are fish so smart? They live in schools!
What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
Why did the man fall down the well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why do peppers make such good archers? Because they habanero.
What did the sink tell the toilet? You look flushed!
Where do boats go when they're sick? To the dock.
What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield!
Stop looking for the perfect match; use a lighter.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate nine!
I'm so good at sleeping that I do it with my eyes closed.
Try the seafood diet—you see food, then you eat it.
What do you call a pencil with two erasers? Pointless.
Did you hear the one about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head.
What's brown and sticky? A stick.
I hated facial hair but then it grew on me.
It really takes guts to be an organ donor.
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to go spreading it!
What did the plumber say to the singer? Nice pipes.
I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn't like it.
How do you deal with a fear of speed bumps? You slowly get over it.
I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I'll let you know.
I'm reading an anti-gravity book. I can't put it down!
I'd avoid the sushi if I were you. It's a little fishy!
What state is known for its small drinks? Minnesota.
What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1
What do houses wear? An address.
What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.
What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum? He has a meltdown.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
How do you throw a party in outer space? You planet.
Why was the broom late to class? It over-swept.
How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles!
What do you say to a rabbit on its birthday? Hoppy Birthday!
What type of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
Wanna hear a joke about construction? I'm still workin' on it!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
How does a lawyer say goodbye? I'll be suing ya!
You can't trust atoms. They make up everything!
What made the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.
Can I dive in this pool? It deep-ends.
What did the buffalo say to its son when he left? Bison!
Why do vampires always seem sick? They're coffin.
What musical instrument do you find in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste!
Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
How do astronomers organize a party? They planet.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
Why do melons have weddings? They cantaloupe!
What did the police officer say to her belly button? You're under a vest!
What do you call a fibbing cat? A lion.
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.
If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Did you hear about the outlet who got in a fight with the power cord? He thought he could socket to him.
What do you call a fancy fish? So-fish-ticated.
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
How do you make 7 even? You take away the s.
What kind of cars do eggs drive? Yolkswagens.
Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.
Why was the stadium so hot after the game? Because all the fans left.
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