Sunday Family Humour 8th June

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

LIFE LESSONS

Thanks to David H.

Parable Number 1

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A

small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do

nothing all day long? "The crow answered: "Sure, why not?" So,

the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden,

a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Life Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very,

very high up.

Parable Number 2

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be

able to get to the top of that tree, " sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got

the energy. " "Well, why don't you nibble some of my droppings? They're

packed with nutrients!" said the bull. The turkey pecked at a lump of dung

and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first

branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached

the second branch. Finally, after a fourth night, there he was proudly

perched at the top of the tree. Soon, he was promptly spotted by a farmer,

who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Life Lesson : Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you

there.

Parable Number 3 The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As

they went along, some people remarked, "It is a shame the old man walks

while the boy rides." The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right,

so they changed positions. Later, they passed some people that remarked,

"What a shame! The old man makes that little boy walk while he rides."

Consequently, they decided that they both would walk. Soon, they passed some

more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent

donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey. Now, they passed some people

that shamed them, saying how awful it was to put such a load on a poor

donkey. The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to

carry the donkey. As they crossed a bridge, they lost their grip on the

animal and it fell into the river and drowned!

Life Lesson: If you try to please everyone, you will eventually lose your

ass.

Parable Number 4

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was

so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it

was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen

bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was.

The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and

soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to

investigate. Following the song, the cat discovered the bird under the pile

of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Life Lesson : 1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy. 2) Not

everyone who gets you out of the shit is your friend. 3) And when you're in

deep shit, keep your mouth shut!

Clever Restaurant Names

Thanks to Ray O'.

Some Terrific Photos

Thanks to Lee

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Baby Meerkats in Botswana

Thanks to David M.

Photographer Will Burrard-Lucas got more help than he bargained for

when he went to shoot a young family of meerkats in the Makgadikgadi region of Botswana.

The new arrivals used the photographer as a look out post before trying their hand at taking pictures.

A group of baby meerkats.

A meerkat takes a closer look at the photographer.

Where did that photographer go?

He's about here somewhere.

Still can't spot him.

Found him.

Two baby meerkats think they can do a better job themselves.

Ready for my close-up.

Uh-oh, Mum's back!

Photographs: Will Burrard-Lucas/Barcroft Media

David M's Gallery

Thanks to David M.

Bottlenose Dolphin Rescue

Thanks to FKTV

During a nighttime underwatershoot of manta rays, a bottlenose

dolphin showed up and very rapidly elicited the the help of the divers in

removing a barely-visible fishing hook and line from it's left pectoral fin.

Given the *extreme* rapidity of thedivers' response, I'd have to say that

this is a pretty good case for the amazing intelligence of these animals -

in addition, possibly of their telepathic abilities...?

Video (a little over 3 mins):

Sliding Down the Bannister of Life

Thanks to Lee

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life Through 2014 -- Remember:

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book.

It’s called ... ‘Ministers Do More Than Lay People'

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss,

the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning, one brilliant Flash and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies.

Tried it once.The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes,

Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out,

gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen – just vending machines and a large trash can.

10. Definition of a teenager? God’s punishment...for enjoying sex.

And As You Slide Down that Banister of Life

You Should Pray That All The Splinters Are Pointed The Other Way...

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