Sunday Family Humour 2nd February Page 2
Sunday Family Humour 2nd February Page 2
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures and cartoons and presentations and humour or all the family
Do you know the front from the back of a tree?
Thanks to Ray
A redneck from Georgia decides to travel across the south to Virginia to see god's country. When
he gets to franklin , he likes the place so much that he decides to stay. But first he must find
a job!!!!
He walks into the international paper company office and fills out an
application as an experienced log inspector. It's his lucky day!!!
They just happen to be looking for someone, but first, the log foreman takes him for a ride into
the forest in the company pickup truck to see how much he knows.
The foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and points at a tree "see that tree over
there? I want you to tell me what species it is and how many board feet of lumber it contains."
The redneck promptly answers, "that thar's a whitepine, 383 board feet of lumber in 'er."
The foreman is impressed!!! He puts the truck in motion and stops about a mile down the road. He
points at another tree through the passenger window and asks the same question. This time, it's
a bigger tree of a different class.
"that's a loblolly pine and she's got about 456 clear board feet."
The foreman is really impressed with the good ol' boy, he has been quick and got the answers
right without using a calculator!!!!
One more test. They drive a little further down the road, and the foreman stops again.. This
time, he points across the road through his driver side window and says, "and what about that
one?"
Before the foreman finishes pointing, the redneck says, "white oak, 242 board feet at best."
The foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the office a little ticked off because he
thinks the red neck is smarter than he is. As they near the office, another foreman stops the
truck and asks bubba to step outside.
He hands him a piece of chalk and tells him, "see that tree over there?" "i want you to mark an x
on the front of that tree!!"
The foreman thinks to himself, "idiot, how would he know which is the front of the tree?"
When bubba reaches the tree, he goes around it in a circle while looking at the ground. He then
reaches up and places a white x on the trunk.
He walks back to the foreman and hands him the chalk. "that thar's the front," the redneck says.
The foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically, "how in the hell do you know that's the
front of the tree?"
The good ol' boy looks down at his feet, while rubbing the toe of his left boot cleaning it in
the gravel and replies, "cuz somebody took a shit behind it!"
He got the job
Two year old Jiving
Thanks to Abbi.
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Eggplants - just how valuable are they
Thanks to Lee
Vientiane Bike Hash
Thanks to Fritz
The Hash House Harriers is a friendly drinking club with a running problem. or in this case, a cycling problem.
This is recently received masterpiece from Jailbitch Productions
shows the Vientiane countryside, including the two beer stops,
and the twenty or so men women and children participants on the January 26th ride. Similar events are held world wide.
Google "bike hash" to find the nearest one to you.
Shopping in Texas
Thanks to Lee
A Few Laughs
Thanks to Ray O'.
Trying to understand each other
Thanks to Ray O'.
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend
is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
Keep reading-they get better!!!
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet ,I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
KEEP READING ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM.
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of
a spider.
LOTS MORE TO ENJOY...KEEP SCROLLING DOWN FOR A WHILE.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'
He addressed the man,
'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'
Tom leaned over, touched his
wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
LOTS MORE TO LAUGH AT...
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife..
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
KEEP ON READING.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an
argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they
passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
MORE AND MORE YET TO ENJOY.
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to
repeat everything to men....
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
KEEP ON GOING.
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !
SCROLL DOWN SOME MORE...
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and
besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me..'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'
YEP, THERE IS SOME MORE...
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece
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