Sunday Family Humour 22nd December Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

Childbirth at 65

Thanks to Peter D.

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.

'May I see the new baby?' I asked.

'Not yet,' she said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.'

Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'

'No, not yet,' She said.

After another few minutes had elapsed,

I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'

'No, not yet,' replied my friend.

Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'

'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.

'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'

'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!

What a Good Dog!

Thanks to David M.

These are People

Thanks to Peter D.

These Are People

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Morning Funnies

Thanks to Peter D.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that an ironic time for a guy to get those odds?

Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

Someone has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends. What could hell possibly be like? Home videos of the same reunion?

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his Doctor instead of by the police.

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

You're getting old when "getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

Hilarious Compilation of Guard Bloopers!

Thanks to Ray O'.

Elderly couple texting

Thanks to David M.

An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their

cell phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a

no-nonsense guy.

One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided

to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:

"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me

your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a

sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”

The husband texted back to her:

"I'm on the toilet. Please advise."

Amazing Geography Kid

Thanks to David M.

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