Sunday Family Humour 2nd March Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour.

To you mad Golfers

Thanks to Frans

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack!

"Help me dear," she groans to her husband.

The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.

His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him.

"I'm dying here and you're putting?"

"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly,

"they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you.

"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.

"No time at all," says her husband.

"Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."

___________________________

A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson,

"You are spectacular; your name is synonymous with the game of golf.

You really know your way around the course.

What's your secret?"

Mickelson replied,

"The holes are numbered."

___________________________

A young man and a priest are playing together.

At a short par-3 the priest asks,

"What are you going to use on this hole, my son?"

The young man says, "An 8-iron, father. How about you?"

The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."

The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green.

The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.

The young man says,

"I don't know about you, father, but in my church, when we pray, we keep our head down."

___________________________

Police are called to an apartment and find a woman

holding a bloody 3-iron standing over a lifeless man.

The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"

"Yes" says the woman.

"Did you hit him with that golf club?"

"Yes, yes, I did."

The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face.

"How many times did you hit him?"

"I don't know -- put me down for a five."

___________________________

A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees.

He found his ball and saw an opening between 2 trees he thought he could hit through.

Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing.

The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.

As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"

The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?

___________________________

The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar,

the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.

She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?"

He looked her right in the eye and said,

"This isn't going to take all day, is it?"

Ferrari Pit Stop

Thanks to Ray.

Formula 1 fanatic or not makes no difference here to appreciate the timing and coordination of the Ferrari team

as it changes four wheels and tyres in about 2 seconds.

More Maxine

Thanks to David M.

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Piano Duet with Peter the Elephant

Thanks to David M.

I'm Little...But I'm a Great Winner

Thanks to FKTV

Moishe Plotnik's Laundry

Thank's to Ray O'.

Walking through San Francisco's Chinatown,

a tourist from the Midwest was enjoying the artistry of all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners

When he turned a corner and saw a building with the sign

'Moishe Plotnik's Laundry.'

'Moishe Plotnik?' he wondered. 'How does that belong in Chinatown ?'

He walked into the shop and saw a fairly standard looking dry cleaner, although he could see that the proprietors were clearly aware of the uniqueness of the store name as there were baseball hats, T-shirts and coffee mugs emblazoned with the logo 'Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry.' The tourist selected a coffee cup as a conversation piece to take back to his office. Behind the counter was a smiling old Chinese gentleman who thanked him for his purchase.

The tourist asked, 'Can you explain how this place got a name like 'Moishe Plotnik's Laundry?''

The old man answered, 'Ah..Evleebody ask me dat. It name of owner.'

Looking around, the tourist asked, 'Is he here now?'

'It me, Me him!' replied the old man.

'Really? You're Chinese.

How did you ever get a Jewish name like Moishe Plotnik?'

It simple' said the old man. 'Many, many year ago I come to this country.

I standing in line at 'Document Center of Immiglation.'

Man in front of me was man from Poland ....'

Laurel and Hardy dancing to Santana

Thanks to Brian

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