Sunday Family Humour 23rd March
Sunday Family Humour 23rd March
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour
Fun With Words
Thanks to Ray O'.
IT MAY TAKE A MINUTE FOR THE LIGHT TO SHINE, BUT THESE ARE CLEVER!! TAKE YOUR TIME TO THINK ABOUT THEM...
1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds
2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do
3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage
4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with
5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate
6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living
8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist
9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does
10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money
11. MISTY: How golfers create divots
12. PARADOX: Two physicians!!
13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower
14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm
15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with
16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV!!
17. RELIEF: What trees do in the spring
18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife
19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does
20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official
Johnny Carson as Ronald Reagan
Thanks to David H.
Special Pictures
Thanks to Paul S.
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THE PERFECT HUSBAND
Thanks to David H.
Several men are in the changing room of a golf club.
A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Hi Babe, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only A$2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes Dealers and saw the latest models.
I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "A$70,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the knobs and whistles.
Leather seats etc ."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing...
I was just talking to Margaret and found out that the house I wanted to buy last year is back on the market. They're asking A$980,000 for it."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of A$900,000.
They'll probably take it. If not,
we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turns and asks, "Anyone know who's phone this is?"
Cows Jump For Joy
Thanks to Melody F.
David M's Selection
Happy St. Patties Day!!
Thanks to Gary E.
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."
The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".
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