Sunday Family Humour 13th April Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

Hospital Chart Bloopers

Thanks to Lee

(Actual writings from hospital charts)

1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Fresh Fruit Song - Spike Milligan

Thanks to Tony H.

Where do Cashews Come From

Thanks to Lee

Learned something new today:

Where the Heck Do Cashews Come From?

Ever wonder where cashews come from?

You might think they grow inside a shell like any other nut,

but there true origins are far more bizarre.

First of all, cashews are not actually nuts, but rather fruits

from the cashew tree, a large evergreen tree that thrives in tropical climates.

The tree produces red flower, which in turn produce yellow and red oval

structures resembling apples.

These so-called cashew apples are very juicy and pulpy, and there juice is often

added to tropical fruit drinks.

The cashew apple and fruit.

However, cashew apples are not actually fruits in a scientific sense;

the real fruit of the cashew tree is the kidney-shaped formation growing

at the end.

These fruits, also called drupes, are harvested and become what we

know as a cashew nut.

In their raw form, the other layer of the fruit contains multiple toxins,including

anacardic acid, a powerful skin irritant similar to the toxin found in poison ivy

that must be removed prior to eating.

Roasting the cashews destroys the toxins, but roasting must be preformed

carefully outdoors because the smoke can irritate the lungs, sometimes to

a life- threatening degree.

When they are roasted cashews change from their natural greenish-gray color

to the light brown nut sold in stores.

Next time you crack open a tin of cashews, take a moment to appreciate the

long journey those little c-shaped nuts took from the tree to your table!

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What to do in Retirement

Thanks to David H.

Fairy Tales

Thanks to David M.

Cinderella Is Divorced

Snow White Has Not Been So Lucky

Little Red Riding Hood Hasn't Seen The Wolf Since.......

Sleeping Beauty Is Still Asleep

The Little Mermaid Has Met a Sad Fate

Barbi Celebrated Her 60th Birthday This Year

Tweety Just Turned 70..

Superman Turns 70 Too

Wonder Woman Is Menopausal

As For Batman And Robin, They Are Living It Up At The Nursing Home

And, The Spider Man Is Attached To Different Threads

Queensland Public School Phone Message

Thanks to Ray O'.

Wait for the phone to ring for the voice mail.

This is the actual answering-machine message for the Maroochydore High School

in Queensland, Australia

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