Sunday Family Humour 1st December

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour


PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY

Thanks to Paul S.



FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:

 
1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA...... FLOOR.
 
2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
 
3. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
 
4. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
 
5. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
 
6. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
 
7. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
 
8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
 
9. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
 
10. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
 
11. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
 
12. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
 
13. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
 
14. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK-IN AND CLEAN THEM?
 
15. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
 
16. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
 
17. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
 
18. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
 
19. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
 
20. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
 
21. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
 
22. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
                        (This one took me a minute)
 
23. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
 
24. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
 
25. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
 
26. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
 
27. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
 
28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
 
29. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
 
30. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
 
31. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
 
32. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?
 
33. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
 
34. WHY DO SHOPS HAVE SIGNS, 'GUIDE DOGS ONLY', THE DOGS CAN'T READ AND THEIR OWNERS ARE BLIND?


Historical Photos People and Places

Thanks to David M.

Historical Photos people and places.



The Sun Never Rises

Thanks to David M.
   
sun 1
    

Pictured above is the Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript Library, a now 50 year-old building gracing the campus of Yale University in New Haven, Connecticut. The Beinecke Library is home to 500,000 volumes of rare books and “several million” manuscripts, per its Wikipedia entry, making it one of the largest (if not the largest) repositories dedicated to the collection and preservation of rare writings. Among the documents housed therein are an original Gutenberg Bible and, as discussed in these pages earlier, the Voynich manuscript.

Hopefully, the documents will be around for a while, but that’s not a given. One of the biggest problems with caring for old books is that the paper (or other materials) they’re written on will, over time, disintegrate. The library’s job? Slow down that process as much as possible. The solutions: gas, freezers, and stone.

Sun 2
 

Inside the building is a glass-enclosed column of some of the more valuable books in the collection, as seen above. That collection is typically off-limits, with librarians the only ones with regular access. The column is outfitted with a fire-retardation system which floods the area with oxygen-depriving gases if the alarms go off — you can’t use water or the books would get ruined. (This led to a rumor that, if the fire alarms were to sound, the librarians would be trapped inside to suffocate to death. The rumor is, thankfully, false.)

Similarly, the glass tower is air-tight to slow disintegration due to exposure from external elements. Unfortunately, this feature led to an unintended consequence. In the 1970s, bookworms (not students of old texts, but actual insects which eat books) infested the column, and according to the Yale Daily News, the typical solution — an airborne insecticide — wasn’t viable in an enclosed, air-tight space. Instead, the librarians had to go to extremes — extreme temperatures, that is. They decided, successfully, to freeze (and then thaw) all the books. As a precaution, all the new ones introduced to the area still go through that same process.

But bookworms and exposure to air aren’t the the only major threats to centuries-old manuscripts. Exposure to direct sunlight hastens the aging process, and if you’re a curator of such documents, that’s something best avoided. At the same time, keeping the books and documents in a building with no natural light means that you consume a lot of electricity and make for a bad place to study or read. Gordon Bunshaft, the architect behind the building, came up with a solution — change the windows. They aren’t made of glass. They’re made of stone — translucent marble which glows when illuminated but protects the interior from direct sunlight. (Here’s a great picture.) During the day, the Beinecke Library’s walls turn amber if you’re inside, as seen in the second image above. And at night, the internal artificial lighting results in the same glowing effect, but this time on the building’s exterior, visible to passersby.

As a bonus? The design of the library and particularly, its marble windows, allows librarians to keep the Beiniecke’s copy of the Gutenberg Bible on display, seen here.

Bonus Fact: According to Wikipedia, pill bottles are often orange for similar reasons as the above — “to prevent light from degrading the potentially photosensitive contents” of the bottle.


Illegal Acrobatics

Thanks to Forbidden Knowledge

4-year old Seanna Sharpe did an 

illegal acrobatics show 285 feet up 

the Williamsburg bridge in New York 

City (11 stories over rush hour train 

traffic) hanging from the double-silk 

cloud swing she invented.


She was arrested and charged with a 

Class-A Felony, with a maximum 

penalty of 7 years. 

 

She got a standing ovation. In her 

holding cell at Riker's Island, she got 

her bail raised on Twitter in under 

an hour. 


Her charges were later reduced to a 

misdemeanor and her plea deal was 5 

free performances for children. 

  

Great Story!

  

  

Video (about 2 min):

 



National Geographic Winners

Thanks to David M.


NatGeoWinners1



Time

Thanks to David H.


Time


Dogs HOOKED ON SWING

Thanks to John H.
(Please skip the advert)

This one is great for dog lovers, music lovers (from the Big Band era), and an appreciation for the training that went into this act.
For you younger folks ‘swing’ was a type of music, so don’t look for a physical piece of equipment often found at the playground.

You are not  going to believe what you see in this video
- it's awesome when the 2nd dog joins in.

YouTube Video





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