Sunday Family Humour 20th October Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

Idiotic (But Real) Travel Complaints

Thanks to Captain Bob

These are actual complaints received from dissatisfied customers by Thomas Cook Vacations (based on a Thomas Cook/ABTA survey):

1. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

2. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."

3. "On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."

4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."

5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."

6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."

7. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."

8. "No one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."

9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."

10. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."

11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."

12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."

13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."

14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort'. We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."

15. "There were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."

16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."

17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."

19. "My fiance and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

Only In Alaska

Thanks to Fritz

Only In Alaska

Female Police Officers

Thanks to David H.

China

Hong Kong

India

Indonesia

Japan

Malaysia

North Korea

Pakistan

Philippines

Singapore

South Korea

Taiwan

Viet Nam

And then there's

The USA.....

Kinda brings a tear to your eye. They just make you proud, don't they?

3D Drawings

Thanks to Lee

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One liners

Thanks to Graham H.

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex,

marriage, and Family values.

Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got

married, did you?'

Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'

===

A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did

my intelligence come from?'

The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from

your mother, cause I still have mine.'

===

'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the

divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'

'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every

now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

===

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the

Emergency Room, Took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of

your wife at all.'

'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook

and really good with the kids.'

===

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a

curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the

exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'

The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man

and wife.'

===

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:

1. The DNA all matches.

2. There are no dental records.

===

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how

long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?'

The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'

'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.

===

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan

Gonzalez.

'How was he killed?' asked one detective.

'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.

'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'

'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

===

Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'

Joe: 'Really?'

Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'

===

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse

appears and asks him how he is feeling.

'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor

used in surgery,' he answered.

'What did he say,' asked the nurse.

'Oops!'

===

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed

a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds

since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's

advice.

'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an

all-in-one?'

'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in

one.'

He's still in intensive care.

===

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was

massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied

by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said,

'Well, she's there.'

Wings

Thanks to Ray O'.

The painters of these Feathers are outstanding,

But the message below the Feathers, "God's Wings," will touch your heart......

Interesting Signs

Thanks to David H.

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