Developing an "Empathic Way of Being"
I'm looking for a clear framing of what I am trying to accomplish with my work on empathy. I think at it's core, I want to foster a personal and social empathic way of being in the world. It means listening to my own feelings as well as to those of others. I listen to everyone as well as encourage them to listen and empathize with each other.
To Do
Find people who embody this way of being
Empathy meetings Explore the question
What is a Personal and Social Empathic Way of Being?
An Identity
it's an identity, a sense of self. A commitment to deepening presence, connection, understanding, for and between all.
Empathy
Empathy is the foundational values..
Authoritarian + + + + + + + + + + Empathy
Awareness
Holding an broad awareness
+ + + + + + + + + +
Belonging
Exclusion + + + + + + + + + + Belonging
Openness
Secretiveness + + + + + + + + + + Openness
Presence
Staying present and not withdrawing.
Don't fight (withdrawal), flight or freeze
Distance+ + + + + + + + + + + Presence
Connection
Disconnection + + + + + + + + + + + Connection
Curiosity
Indifference + + + + + + + + + + + Curiosity
Integration (self and others)
I experience empathy as on ongoing integration process with the world around me.. I can listen to someone and take in their experience.
Separation + + + + + + + + + + + Integration
Transformative
Transactional + + + + + + + + + + + Transformative
Action
Inaction + + + + + + + + + + + Action
(An empathic way of being says “I’m open to you, I’m interested in you. I have the intention to connect deeply with myself, you and the world. I also want to support that deep connection between all of us.”)
An empathic way of being looks at what lies beneath the surface feelings. What are the deeper under the surface feelings, values and needs. Looking at the deeper core essences of ourselves which is not connected to any action. A place where we connect with the deep common humanity. An empathic way of being related to the quality of action.
empathy for all and empathy between all
In a relationship, be clear that we are requesting a relationship based on mutual empathy and listening.
Based on the value and need of empathy.
A transformational way of being. Transforming (not transactional)
this means two positions, instead of finding a point in-between in compromise, through a dialog, we come to the deeper common humanity, and find a common underlying value and understanding. The dialog continues and we come to a new common point of connection, new possible avenues of common action arise out of this.
What are the principles of an empathic way of being?
listen to all
actively support empathy between others
advocate for a culture of empathy
What is an Empathic Way of Being?
create an identity. I am an empath.. means I foster an empathic way of being
a life style
Why Develop An Empathic Way of Being?
What are the Benefits?
Addressing peoples real needs
How to Develop?
Set the intention
You need empathy - have people listen to you
Practice listening
Methods
Definitions
EWB is Listening to oneself and others. Holding a broad and open awareness
Resources
Carl Rogers talk about Empathic An Un-Appreciated Way of Being
Develop a set of practices
The role taking,
Ideas
an Awareness
an emotional felt awareness
how to describe the landscape and the ongoing flow of awareness
what do to when a family dynamics gets stuck? there is a certain functional equilibrium that gets created and not a lot of deeper honesty and growth are happening.
Creating the empathic way of being.
Building the empathic environments - learning and practicing the attitudes so that conflicts are headed off, before they happen and that a set of attitudes, skills and tools are in place to address conflict when it happens.
how do we begin developing this empathic way of being?
it's an attitude, identity and values.
know that we are empathic already.
Transactional and transformational empathy.
we want a transformational empathy, that is an empathic way of being is the focus.
Conflict is a gift, whether internal of interpersonal, a ongoing part of life, an opportunity to grow,
A statement of intent.
To create an empathic way of being. We know we will got off tract because that is how life is. Our intention is to get back on track.
flee or withdraw -
freeze -
fight -
Problems,
losing sense of self- I have to much empathy already. I was not seen when I was young or am not seen now.
Would be great to get an empathic community together. Where to find that I don't know. It hasn't worked for me online. Perhaps it can work better being out in occupy empathy? People who want that will be attracted to it.
Empathy is like clear water metaphor. need practices to make it clear so that you can see and catch the Creativity as it rises into view. stress and fear cloud the water with brown silt so that you can't even see your own hand when you put it in..
You are open and see from different points of view. See the organizations you work for. Be the organization in role taking.
Gestalt does a lot with role taking.
It's an expansive and inclusive way of being.
you are opening your awareness, Fear and stress contact awareness, With empathy you hold a broad awareness of the whole, the body. Like with massage. placing hands on different parts of the body so that the awareness is spread out.
It's open to and holds all the needs. your own, others and the relationships
It's a life long ongoing quest and growth.
Also transformative empathy.
Ask people what an empathy way of being is like
what would other ways of being look like. judgmental
who are role models for this?
Selective Empathy versus inclusive empathy
it's an integrative way of being. connecting with and integrating the world around us.
Do role plays.. I am empathy
Creating daily practices to nurture and grow.
Going to and Transforming fears into connection.
why is an empathic way of being important to you?
What is the role of listening?
empathy gets to the unfolding core of life.
what are daily stories of growing in an empathic way of being?
Occupy Empathy as a design project
ask people how it works for them as a prototype?
Empathic Way Of Being
Training Program
Introduction
Intention
Your Intention
Values
Needs
Principles
Actions - policies
Empathy definition
self
emotional
imaginative
action
Benefits
Do exercises to
Test your empathy
minds eye Test - Have paper print outs
Do self assessment
Draw and E
Empathic Listening
Empathic Listening
Empathy Circles
Empathy Design
I’m thinking more in general for the empathy curriculum.
I want to create an easy to follow and simple language for how to develop an empathic way of being.
It is about connection with self and others, as well as, supporting connection between people and all members of society. Also about the redesign of social systems so that they support this way of being.
An empathic way of being is a more open and deeper awareness, attunement and integration of feelings rather than a suppression, detachment or analysis of feelings.
How does an Empath (empathic way of being) relate to different social situations?
relationships?
dialog - empathic listening
a community of support
social issues?
war? use empathic dialog to resoled conflicts
justice system?
transform to an restorative empathy system.
no competition, judgment, retribution, but rather empathic training.
prison system is empathic training.
Conflict?
Qualities
Holding an Open balanced attention - on self, others, the social field and the relationships between people
Non-judgmental
Listening really well and with open presence.
intentionally open and balanced curiosity about self/other/society and the world
Everyone and every voice matters and needs to be fully heard, seen and understood.
How do we do this?
Comments on An empathic way of being?
So, sensing in… What is an 'empathic way of being in the world'?...
For me, 'behavioral empathy,' (and I use Sasha's term) includes, as much as possible in my every day life, seeing every person as totally equal in our shared humanity, and also totally unique in their own sacredness.
So, I will try to create situations where each person has an equal opportunity to let their uniqueness and shared humanity shine out. And this includes children.
And, in terms of self-empathy, which I teach through Gendlin's Experiential Focusing, I also take responsibility for getting equal time for myself, for standing up for my own special and unique contribution.
So, for me, I try in every interaction to aim for equal time for each participant to share their shared humanity and their uniqueness. For me, unequal speaking time is a form of dominance and oppression. And, again, this includes children.
Although there are forms of empathy that do not need listening carefully to the words of another as they show themselves, I am most interested in the kind of empathic bonding that happens when people share equal turns of uninterrupted 'self disclosure.'
In my experience, this particular activity brings up feelings of love for the sacred uniqueness and shared humanity of the other and leads to 'empathic bonding,' community-building, which leads to actual caring behaviors in relationship to the other person.
Kathy
Felicia.
An empathic way of being feels healthy and safe. You feel at home.
You start vibrating at the quality and frequency and that quality attracts people because they want to feel that as well. If you change your vibration (be more empathic) and you attract people to your life.
Empathic is a foundational way to live and is the foundation for success in all areas of your life, self understanding, private relationships, professional life and political decisions.
How do we make the switch to an empathic way of being?
We can move between ways of being. People shift for different reason. Pain was the cause for the shift for Felicia and Eva. For edwin it came from travel and seeing new cultures which each have their way of being.
The empathy curriculum is creating a path to the empathic way of being.
Lee-Anne
"To me, an empathic way of being =
intentional focus of open balanced attention (upon self or other,) with curiosity about needs, desires, fears, and feelings.
An empathic way of being is a non-judgmental, intentionally open and balanced curiosity about self/other.
Where empathy is defined as putting yourself in someone else's shoes and seeking to know their experience, I believe an empathic way of being is more open ended. It doesn't have to include imagining yourself in someone else's shoes. In our Empathy Circles, it's just about listening really well and with open presence."
Kathy -
Interruptions as a block to empathy
"stop interrupting! Increase empathy" buttons and bumper stickers...
Here is my idea from this morning. I'm watching a program on CNN called reliable sources which has mostly interviewed individuals and therefore been enlightening. However, as soon as a Democrat and Republican were allowed to speak together, they started interrupting each other, they started becoming angry, they started issuing soundbites, and the moderator said, "I don't want to get in here as a moderator but…"
"empathic way of being. I can see that empathy could be studied in a kind of abstract intellectual way, as the ability to take another perspective for instance. That is an interesting part of it, but I think maybe those people have never even heard of empathic listening as part of their description of empathy! So up to us to bring it all together."
"I'm hearing the power of not interrupting each other and the importance of that is coming up a lot recently for you. Also to give space to each other to fully express ourselves without interruption. And I'm hearing you are looking for ways to get that message out to the world. I've been looking at how to describe and articulate, what are the qualities of an 'Empathic Way of being'. Allowing each other to fully express ourselves without interruptions, seems like a core quality of that way of being." Edwin
If you are not interrupting and not having to plan what you're going to say and how you're going to get a turn, then you are able to listen to the other person, and then there is the capacity for the opportunity to feel empathy for their point of view. And this might eventually even change your point of view! Plus, interrupting is a form of interpersonal violence, a devaluing of the other, and so the opposite of empathy and compassion. I think I am into non-interruption as an easy first step. Of course, it is better if everybody also learns empathic listening and self empathy focusing. But, not interruption is such a powerful and simple step in stopping violence and increasing empathy
If you are not interrupting and not having to plan what you're going to say and how you're going to get a turn, then you are able to listen to the other person, and then there is the capacity for the opportunity to feel empathy for their point of view. And this might eventually even change your point of view!
Edwin
I’m thinking of the grounding of the empathy curriculum and I think the foundation is not just empathy, but How do we nurture an “empathic way of being”? It’s really about a sense of identity and who we are. So the curriculum is really about articulating, nurturing and developing this “empathic way of being”.
It’s about developing and nurturing those qualities within us.
Wondered what you feel about that?
I have also been thinking of the term ‘empath’ to identify myself. We need a term like that to identify ourselves.. like conservative, progressive, libertarian, anarchist. Empath.
The term has already been used, and often unfortunately to identify people who are sensitive or overly sensitive and not able to cope well with it. see http://www.scoop.it/t/empaths
However the word could be reclaimed as people who value an empathic way of being. Who are well grounded and strong in their centering, who are open to listening to all, who can mediate between people in conflict, and support the principles of everyone being heard and seen, etc.
The term ‘empathic way of being’ was used in this paper by Carl Rogers. Empathic: An Unappreciated Way of Being - http://j.mp/1y0C5AS
It’s not that I just want to nurture empathy, but to develop a way of being in the world that is grounded or based on empathy. I want to lay out the quality and nature of that way of being and the curriculum takes people step by step in creating the way of being. In these different processes like NVC, Focusing, design, etc. empathy seems to be a means to some end, usually self interest, versus a focus on a empathic way of being.
Six Steps to a social empathic way of being.
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Empathy is commonly seen from an individualist point of view.
Examples.
a client goes to a therapist, who listens and empathizes. there is a client therapist relationship.
The doctor is supposed to empathize with the patient
The teacher is supposed to empathize with the student
The parent is supposed to empathize child
We are told to empathize with others.
Ie,. there is the empathize and the target.
How to move to relational empathy?
Judith Jordon - the therapist is moved by what they hear
there is a meeting of peers. the client may need emergency empathy, but the goal is
I've felt that the client therapist relationship needs to be redesigned. Therapists could be Relational Empathy Guides. They may need to offer deep emergency empathy to people, but once that is addressed the they can guide the other personal in learning relation empathy. They can listen to the guide, and do the other part of the listening and not just talking. Then the Empathy guide can support the person in forming more empathic relationships in their family, work, etc.
Within human centered design is also the concept of co-design, which seems more relational.
how to design this relational empathic way of being.
social agreement
Each person in the relationship contributes to the relationship.
The speaker and listener can both do things to deepen the empathic relationship.