2016-12-12

12/12/12 EMPATHY CIRCLE

Intention

How might we support each other in bringing empathy circles out into the world?

Empathy Circle Team 1

Participants

1. Edwin Rutsch

2. Kathy McGuire

3. Rick Feltington

4. Gordon Medlock

   1. Maria Emanuela Galanti MEG

5. Rosa Zubizarreta

Roles

Facilitator: Edwin

Time Keeper: (stopwatch): Rick

Note Takers: silent listeners.

Report Writer(s): Gordon

Time Limit Per Speaker: 5 min

Discussion Topic:

How are we going to bring empathy circles out into the world and how can we support each other in doing that?Or speak about whatever is alive for you?

Suggestions

• Meg: 2 hours is too long for her.

• What if we meet for 1.5 hours?

• Meg: Public recording inhibits her openness in the circle.

• What if we do not publicly record the meetings?

Next Week Facilitator:

Facilitator: Gordon

Time Keeper::

Note Takers: silent listeners.

Report Writer(s):

SUMMARY OF NOTES

KATHY:

1. Current State - Solutions:

2. What I’m currently doing to bring empathy facilitation into the world:

   1. salons,

   2. sharing and empathy circles,

   3. poems;

   4. publishing blog;

   5. publishing collection of papers on website related to focusing work.

   6. Exploring places to do my work

3. Vision/Solutions:

4. One-day workshop on helping people speak more authentically. Different levels of expertise/depth:

(1) open non-interrupting circle (like AA);

(2) empathy circle -- straight reflection;

(3) empathy focusing circle -- going deeper, connecting with yourself more deeply. Level depends on group and purpose.

Continued. . . .

1. Felt Sense: very exciting -- WOW.

2. Lots of unique contributions, all in similar areas.

3. Current state - problem:

4. what’s going at CNN and other new shows -- debate and entertainment, not empathy-based communication

5. Underlining solutions:

   1. Rick’s website;

   2. Meg’s empathy-based education; contributing to meaning making research;

6. Solution:

7. see the value of note taking. What we need are not necessarily more solutions, rather, the ability to carry what we have forward.

Continued . . .

1. Felt Sense/Solution:

2. importance of sharing tears -- something I value. Focusing involves being empathic with ourselves -- bringing us in touch with our darker side. Going deeper into shadow sides of ourselves.

3. Solution: Focusing process.

4. Going into the tears and then staying there to see what emerges. What really matters emerges -- something new that you didn’t already know. The creative process of meaning-making.

RICK:

1. Current State - Solutions:

2. Working on website, social form, gateways for communication.

3. Vision/Solutions:

4. Community celebration that facilitates empathic listening/communication. HIgher vision to connect with the common humanity in all of us. Website with with video chats where you could do a 12-minute session; other could then respond. A video-blog.

5. Emotion/Felt-Sense:

6. excitement about what is being shared.

Continued . . .

1. Data/Underlining:

2. Exploring what’s on my mind. Exploring our dark sides.

3. Vision / solution:

4. Prototyping a website where you virtually go into a space on the site, post a video of your experience, and then have others comment on it. Starting next week.

5. Vision / solution:

6. You-Lab Training, uses a mirroring process where you post a video and it reflects back on you. (Part of the prototype mentioned above.) Could be combined with what we are doing as an example of best practices in empathy-based communication.

7. Felt sense:

8. feeling overwhelmed at moving from generating best practice ideas to generating solutions. That’s where it gets overwhelming. The implementation process is challenging.

Continued . . .

1. Felt sense:

2. gets stimulated while listening, and then forget what I want to talk about when my turn comes. Idea of resonance comes to mind - empathy circle, activating flow.

3. Solution:

4. Resonance is the goal; not who wins. How to create this resonance -- probably could map the field of energy showing different ways of engaging - like wrestling , fighting, and listening. Helping people become more conscious of how they engage. Prioritizing resonance.

5. Solution:

6. acknowledging deep wounding we carry with us, that we move into when we move into resonance. Goes back family generations. Part of our shadow work. We can’t ignore that if we want to move into harmony.

EDWIN:

1. Current State - Solutions:

2. Building a framework to hold empathy circles.

3. Emotion / Felt Sense:

4. Shares with partner (Joan). Glad to have this group to share with. Liking the support.

5. Emotion / Solution:

6. Liking Kathy’s framework of the three levels of empathy groups. Important to do baby steps.

7. Vision / Solution:

8. Video showing the three levels of empathy circles process. Progression of steps in empathic listening.

9. Vision / Solution:

10. Running for political office on the empathy platform. Got a good response to this idea with progressive political group. Vision of campaign works doing empathy circles with one another and then going out and doing them with voters. Becomes a political movement. Eventually get public funding to support the initiative.

Continued . . .

1. Underlining:

2. importance of exploring full spectrum of feelings in empathy circles.

3. Current state solution:

4. doing empathy circle with my family -- with surprising results. Democrat supporter resisted, and Trump supporter was open.

5. Solution:

6. in political sphere, use Occupy Wall Street as a model for an Occupy Empathy Movement. Bringing full spectrum issues into dialogue. Open to all points of view -- the 100%.

Continued . . .

1. Problem:

2. technical issues when setting up empathy circles. Big problem, especially when working with groups with polar opposite viewpoints who are already charged.

3. Felt Sense / Solution:

4. want to speak more from my felt-sense. Experience of “floating” - having that felt sense visually mirrored by others.

5. Solution:

6. exploring how to finance the empathy work. Needs a lot of work to develop this.

MEG (MARIA EMANUELA):

1. Felt Sense:

2. contemplative mode

3. Current state solution:

4. Doing empathy circle with partner (Sofia)

5. Vision / solution:

6. Bring empathy circles to politics, the arts, and social activism.

7. Vision/solution:

8. Bring empathy to education and writing. People share from opposite sides of a question and use empathic listening to find common ground. Also writing together at the same time in a group -- each person adding their perspective and others commenting.

9. Vision / solution:

10. A new methodology for an empathy university, based on new writing and empathy process. A project for this team.

Continued . . .

1. Felt Sense:

2. Going deeper into myself with writing. Looking at my dark side where empathy/compassion breaks down.

3. Solution:

4. using empathy circles to address our dark/shadow sides.

GORDON:

1. Current state solution:

2. research on constructive meaning making, based on empathy circles and related empathy-based methodologies

3. Vision / Solution:

4. Bringing empathy-based processes into politics - going beyond current state of stupidity at simpl reinforcing prejudices and polarizing positions

5. Current state solution:

6. current research in focusing communities -- Gendlin, Ann Weiser Cornell.

Continued . . .

1. Felt sense:

2. importance of being present in the moment. Going deeper into myself -- out of my head, into my body, my heart.

3. Underlining Solution:

4. challenge of implementing these ideas. Requires discipline and accountability.

5. Problem:

6. the reality of doing what I love and the need to generate income. How can any of these idea be financially viable.

7. Felt Sense:

8. sadness of how I compromise what matters to address economic scarcity issues. Angry that the culture doesn’t support creative endeavors such as these. Important to do what matters, what has deep meaning.

9. Problem/Concern:

10. would a CNN-type news show ‘sell’ if people were engaged in empathic listening and really trying to deeply understand one another? My fear is not.

Post Meeting Discussion

Fellow Empathy Circlers,

I compiled the notes from our last empathy circle – see attached plus also in our Google doc. It was an interesting exercise to categorize the various entries. I started trying to work with dynamic facilitations (DF) categories, which I have in the notes. DF uses a problem-solutions framework, with concerns and data added in.

Those didn’t quite fit our process. Lots of our sharing was about what we are currently doing. Current State /Solutions doesn’t quite work. I like ‘happening(s)’. Also ‘manifesting.’ We also shared a lot about felt-sensing and deepening – going into shadow work. Also some sharing about visioning.

We need a language that captures the nuances of emergence. I like visioning or conceiving (future-oriented); manifesting or actualizing (positive present actions); deepening (emotion, felt-sense); blocking or preventing or polarizing (negative present actions or problems); building or broadening (underlining others’ ideas), etc.

Probably as we move forward will see more about ‘solutioning’ and ‘executing.’ “Choicing” is also a nice term from DF. As you see, I like gerunds that point to processes, rather than nouns that label ‘things.’

For me this is an exploration of empathy-based meaning-making. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Blessings,

Gordon

I like that process because it focuses on emergence, as we do. What I found was that it was more problem-solution focused than our process, so the categories felt a bit forced. DF uses solutions, problems, concerns, and data. It didn’t quit fit. What I liked instead, after reflecting on the notes, as something more vision-focused rather than solution focused. Vision is a bit broader than solutions.

I also heard a lot of current state happenings that were current manifestations of visioning. So I’m seeing a manifesting-visioning continuum of sorts. There’s also deepening, related to felt-sensing and experiencing our shadow sides. Lots about that. So that category seems useful. And there’s also preventing – like problems – the things that need to be overcome to manifest vision.

All of his is an attempt to categorize a process of emerging –which defines both DF and Empathy Circles.

=======================

Thanks Gordon and Rosa

How to effectively harvest the material that comes out of an empathy circle has always been elusive to me. I tend to get lists of notes that I never go back to and use. Just as I get a bunch of video recordings that hardly anyone watches or uses.

Positive Feelings

The feelings of connection, understanding, growth that come from an empathy circle is always supportive for me. The empathic practice and resilience that I build up is also highly supportive and feels good for me. Just feeling heard and seen makes me feel better. So there is that quality

Desire More Effectiveness

However, how to create more meaning that others can use from the circles is something that is still elusive. Idea: Perhaps creating an article out of the circle can be a way to give the material more use to others.

Empathy Field Guide.

There is the sorting process of human centered design. In this process the empathy phase is gathering all the field of deep insight and experience. See the attached Empathy Field Guide.

We especially look for feelings and context, be they positive or negative. This is then sorted to look for a problem statement.

Sometimes Empathy Maps are used.

So for example, I have the problem of wanting more effective meaning to come out of empathy circles.

‘How might we…’

This problem is then translated into a: ‘How might we…’ (HMW) statement. This gives a direction to apply creative brainstorming on. So a statement could look like.

How might we create more effective meaning out of empathy circles?

This frames a statement that we can brainstorm on.

Generating a HMW statement is an art in itself. Attached is a guide for that.

• - To broad and it’s overwhelming,

• - To narrow and the full creativity is blocked.

Some other : ‘How might we…’ statements from our meeting.

KATHY:

• ‘How might we’…foster empathy-based communication in the media?

RICK:

• ‘How might we’… capture and express our ideas that come up while being a silent listener in an empathy circle?

EDWIN:

• Insight:

  • HMW: ‘How might we’… design a supportive framework for holding empathy circles?

  • Brainstorm Ideas/Solutions:

  • Prototype:

• Insight:

  • ‘HMW: How might we’… convey all the positive benefits of empathy circles?

  • Brainstorm Ideas/Solutions:

  • Prototype:

MEG

• ‘How might we’ bring empathy circles to politics, the arts, and social activism?

• ‘How might we’ design and build an empathy university?

GORDON

• ‘How might we’ bring empathy-based processes into politics?

• ‘How might we’ in an empathy circle be more present in the moment and go deeper into our; selves, bodies, and hearts?

• ‘How might we’ create cultural support for creative endeavors like empathy circles?

Warmly

Edwin

================

Rosa & Empathy Circlers,

Some additional responses related to your thought-provoking email.

You mention that the context and purpose of Dynamic Facilitation (DF) is to determine

• (1) “what ways forward do we want to explore.”

• This pragmatic focus appears to be an important part of what we want to do with the empathy circles, based on comments from our first empathy circle sharing. It is also clearly an important part of DF. Equally important, as you and Jim Rough indicate in your writings, are

• (2) the deepening process of authentic, heart-felt communication and

• (3) the emergence of consensus through breakthroughs and transformational learning.

• This dynamic of carrying forward initiatives that we care about deeply and collectively agree at a deep level are what matter most, seem to be the essential elements of the process.

Getting there appears to rely on being deeply understood (empathic understanding) and being open to moving into new directions not previously imagined (transformational learning). These are probably also descriptive of the focusing process, though the dimension of consensus is less relevant there. These elements could be parts of the empathy-based curriculum we’ve been exploring.

I’m in this personal inquiry about the essentials of empathy-based meaning making, which hopefully serves our collective inquiry as well. Thank you all for the stimulating exploration. Responses welcome.

Gordon

================

I do not have time to answer here but I have taken notes and tomorrow I will speak out of my need to become an "extreme user" of the word empathy (according to the HCD approach that Edwin has shared with us) to check in what situations I am very empathic (luminous side) and in what situations I am not at all empathic (dark side).

Also, I believe that we should collectively question Edwins' quoted definition of empathy as "the ability to be aware of, understanding of, and sensitive to another person’s feelings and thoughts without having had the same experience. “ IDEO.

Thus, I am in favour of deepening our meanings before going into the pragmatic, although for me this means to hold back my project of the University of Empathy for a while.

​Sunday Cheers to everyone!​

Meg

===================

How might we design a clear definition of empathy?

Regarding discussing definitions of empathy. It is such a can of worms with no clear agreement on the definition.

My definition of empathy is along the lines of feeling into life.

• Feeling into self, others, groups, the relationships, etc.

• Also, feeling into concepts, like empathy itself.

• Also, Imaginative Empathy - feeling into imagined selves. This mutual relational empathy integrates ourselves and others and empathic action grows out of that.

For more on definitions see.

http://bit.ly/J6fK91

https://sites.google.com/site/empathytraininglitreview/definitions

https://sites.google.com/site/empathytraininglitreview/definers

(Sometime I’d like to do a ‘focusing’ session on what empathy feels like for each of us.)

Edwin

===================

Dec 12 - Empathy Circle:

Intention: bring empathy circles out into the world and support each other in doing that?

Roles

Facilitator: Edwin

Time Keeper: (stopwatch): Rick

Note Takers: silent listeners.

Report Writer(s): Gordon

Preparation:

• • Mute when not talking.

Time Limit Per Speaker?: 5 min

Discussion Topic:

• • How are we going to bring empathy circles out into the world and how can we support each other in doing that?

  • Or speak about whatever is alive for you?

Next Week Facilitator: Gordon

=================

Raw Meeting Notes

Kathy Speaking

What I’m doing this week - salons, sharing circles. Share poems, instruments, hand-out on empathy circle, etc.

Publishing a collection of papers -- changes and focusing community, started in 1970s after Kent state massacre; publishing that on my website

Checking out places to go to do my work --

What I would teach in a one-day workshop to bring more empathy into the world: helping people speak more authentically (Gendlin)

(1) open non-interrupting circle -- sharing, no interruptions, such as AA, Quaker meetings, etc;

(2) empathy circle - straight reflection;

(3) empathy-focusing circle -- going deeper, connecting with yourself more deeply. Which approach depends on the group -- different modalities for different situations.

Rick reflective response: how Kathy was feeling overwhelmed and took time to think of what you were doing. Publishing blog. Different groups to reach out to. Three different types of approaches.

Rick Speaking

Two ways: online web system he is working on. Also, speaking at Social Forum, 25 minute intro. Might weave info into a story, with some drumming. Opens the gateway for communication he likes.

Meg reflects.

Rick: triggers inner child…. Community celebration where empathic listening would be the focus is a future wish. Website: you can quickly connect for a 12-minute session without too much training. Figuring out how to do this.

Meg: I hear your intensity and your purpose in developing the website. Hope it will appeal to sense of common humanity in us, we can all do it, we can all share. Keen to facilitate this common understanding through a website….and have some fun!!! Feed your inner child.

Some frustration in how to build.

Exciting for Rick

It’s a basic skill that people need now.

Rick is excited about this -- experiencing effectiveness in this discussion. The group is saying things that re inside of me -- very fulfilling.

Edwin Speaking

For me -- have been looking at the overall framework. Building the framework for holding the empathy circles. The website for the empathy circles, where it can be structured. Doing this with m partner, Joan. Glad to have this group to share this with -- having a space to bring these issues up. Liking that support. Really enjoyed hearing your 3 steps (Kathy) -- found that helpful. Even doing the empathic listening with a new group was too much. Need to do baby steps. Just having people go around and have time limits is a good first step -- simpler than reflecting. A good first step. Educational video to describe the progression of steps in empathic listening.

Thinking of running to office on the empathy platform. Using that as a way to get the word out. Got a good response at this group of progressive politics. Got a good response from the group -- seemed to be resonance with this idea. Run the campaign -- all the campaign members do empathy circles with one another and then go out and do that with others. Could become a political movement, and use public funds to support ongoing empathy circles. Really a vision -- running for office on the empathy platform could really have an impact. VOTE EMPATHY SIGNS ON EVERY LAW

Meg Speaking

at this stage of life.

Living in london and don’t have a network of people.. Am in more of a contemplative mode.

Have partnership with Sofia, doing empathy circle together and felt senses.

Will do a workshop of the arts and social activism.

I want to bring empathy circles into politics

I’m interested in constructing, -- bring empathy into writing.

Two sides from different sides will use empathic listening and they will merger.

Can write together at the same time.

Bringing empathy into writing. We can do it in the group. We can change instruction in the university.

Would like to create the nucleus of a new methodology for an empathy university, this is a project for this team.

Gordon Speaking

Meaning making processes. Nobody researches on that. Generative meaning vs. polarized meaning. Exploring places where this happens in order to demonstrate it further (in a platform).

Listening to Ann Cornell Weiser made me come to the web-site: feeling understood opens new possibilities. Also in terms of growth of meaning. Far from the actual standards in politics (who are reinforcing prejudice and biases). Stupidity comes to my mind here.

Kathy Speaking

The ideas are very exciting.. Wow. all unique, special and in the same arena.

Will send Genlins - book to Gordon on meaning making and her work. The need for meaning making.

What happens in cnn and it’s so horrible. Would l to bring doing turn taking, a

Dying to see Rick's website.

Meg brought up words of empathy vs. Kathy’s Love, Agape. I also want some sort of article. Like that Meg has this vision as well.

I want dialogs on people reflecting each other. I’d love to contribute to this meaning making.

I want to see empathy in formal education as people hearing each other. A dialectic.

I’m seeing the value of note taking.

We don’t need a ton of new ideas we need to carry them forward,

Meg speaking:

I go deeper into myself when writing. Sharing my dark side at empathy circle: someone owed me money, big fight. I realized that empathy does not always apply for me, why do that I have my dark side, and that I let anger flow out in every day interaction, instead of empathy/compassion.

How does this relate to writing? Empathy circles for me should not be a way to put myself above others and tell them what to do, but more sharing the dark sides of ourselves as well. ?video connection lost? Carl Rogers said “clients” not “patients.” Learning from pathology is necessary in order to learn about prevention. Meg says empathic circles can only teach prevention if we can let our dark sides, our less-nice sides come out…and go deeper as in writing.

Edwin reflects: Need to show our whole selves,our dark sides as well…

Meg: need to bring our dark sides/violence into empathy circles as well.

EDWIN SPEAKING

Important to bring the full spectrum of issues or feelings. In discussion with Wilson, he found it very helpful to share his struggles, and it was healing for him. Meg’s sharing her dark side helped to open that.

I’ve been doing empathy circles with m family, and now I’m finding that the democrats are sometimes the ones that don’t want to share openly -- the Trump supporter was more open to empathy circles than the democrat in my family.

Also, how do we deal with the political situation. Set up an Occupy Empathy circle on Berkeley campus. The Occupy Wallstreet movement was an example of getting noticed -- but the empathy movement needs to invite the other side into dialogue. Tuning into the possibility of influencing the polical process using something like the occupy empathy movement -- but open to connecting with the 100%.

Rick SPEAKING

I would like to share something in my mind. Project I am involved. Involved in the prototype. One goes into a space in a web site. Video is posted. And other people reflect with their own video. Starting next week.

I am interested in taking in the best practices like ours and this other group together and then do something visual about it. But this can be also overwhelming. A part of me is worried about this implementation. (meg)

What is on my mind, the dark side.

Did the U-lab training. Involved with the prototype.

It’s an insight sharing. It uses a mirroring process that creates a video that reflects back.

It is another way to implement the feedback process.

I’m looking forward to work with that U-lab and this group and put together best practices.

I can see already how it’s sharing my plans. I’m excited, but another part is “I don’t know how I am going to do this” (edwin)

Gordon SPEAKING

I’m noticing this process and this process and the importance of being present.

I’m finding I’d like to go deeper and and heart than chatter and head stuff.

Something about going deeper.

Discipline and accountability - about actually bring these ideas into the world.

How to have an impact in the world.

The reality of generating an income. It’s a big challenge.

But I have to make a living

I want to go deeper, and feel sad about it. Feel tears about this.

Part of me is pissed off that the culture does not value the creative and personal

It is not incentivised in the culture.

I don’t have a lot of time. I want to do what matters.

Feels good to even express this. Value how Kathy does reflection.

Have a concern. Would a show sell if the people on CNN were really listening to each other?

They want a high on rage. I don’t want to give up on make empathy at the core of the culture.

Kathy SPEAKING

So, Gordon so moved by your depth of sharing and tears. Sharing tears is something I value -- the sharing of tears is something I value and do a lot. Value of focusing involves being empathic with ourselves -- and helps us to bring in the darker side. It teaches the skill of getting into the deeper meanings associated with their dark side and those feelings. It’s an important skill for getting in touch with the shadow side.

Self-empathy and Gendlin’s specific focusing process are great in getting in touch with the knowledge. So Gordon, when you first touched with your tears, would it have been ok to go deeper with those tears -- want to stop with the tears, and what are those tears telling you about your most important values, being touched and being moved -- my deepest place, of what matters. So with tears, stopping, and sensing what is there. Giving the person space to get underneath about really matters for them -- creating new meaning for themselves. It brings you into a new place -- where we are creating new meanings, rather than just reflecting back what we already know.

RICK SPEAKING

So, I get stimulated while I am listening, but, when it comes my turn, I forget what I might want to talk about. Resonance comes to mind...infinity circle...activating flow…

Maybe this “resonance” should be the point of conversation, not who WINS the goal…

Edwin reflects: How do we create this quality of resonance

Rick: yes...how to create resonance, come with fresh eyes...intriguing that you could probably map the field of energy, visually show the difference in ways of engagement, maybe that would encourage people to be more conscious of how they engage. Some people like to wrestle, fight, but we are in a time when we need to learn about resonance, place the priority on resonance….activate resonance in our culture.

And we have to acknowledge the deep wounding that we carry with us, wounding to parents/grandparents/ generations of pain I still carry, others still carry...need to look at that when we try to move into resonance...that is part of the shadow...all that history, that pain that is being triggered. We can’t ignore that if we want to move forward toward harmony.

Edwin speaking:

Technical problems...can make conflict situations even worse! Need to work out the technical problems in a “pre-circle.” Don’t need added stress...the reality of technology to design around…

Need to share deeper to be bonded, have circles continue. Kathy says this.

Wants to learn to speak from his “felt sense” of the moment…”floating”...

n said: “Say more about this floating?”

Edwin: well, the financial tension comes up! Politics might be the way!

Edwin

Income topic.

Also want to explore how to finance the empathy work. This needs a lot of focus to develop this.