Facilitator Challenges

if a person in a circle chooses not to speak, do you have them still listen? What is your usual response to when a person says, "I'll listen, but I don't want to speak." I'm curious what your experience with that has been.

• the agreement in the circle is that everyone listens and speaks.. If someone wants to pass on their turn,

  • they can select some and say "i don' want to speak".

  • the listener replied " you don't want to speak."

  • the speaker says, "I feel fully heard,"

  • then it is the listeners turn to be the speaker.

• I learned that next time someone says they don't want to speak, but that the will listen, is that I will suggest they pass on both roles, and continue as a silent listener/witness. I like to use the word witness, to the process in others and themselves. When one person only wants to be an active and reflective listener, but not speak, it disturbs the equality, in that they are opting for the power position.

Listener leaving out a key portion of what the speaker said

Listener substituting their own thinking or info for the speaker’s

Listener partially or fully reversing what the speaker has said

Listener commenting on what the speaker said- agreeing or disagreeing

Listener commenting on speaker - judging the speaker in some way (pos/neg)

Listener reflecting back a lot more than the speaker actually said

Listener asking a question of the speaker

Listener unable to ask the speaker to pause for reflection

Speaker not pausing for reflection

Speaker not stopping at time limit (or shortly thereafter)

Speaker is so scattered they are hard to follow

Speaker never acknowledges being heard even when reflection is accurate Speaker choosing the previous speaker to be the listener

Participant objecting to the process

I have questions I want to ask

I want to hear feedback from everyone

I want a natural flow to the conversation

I don’t like being told when I can speak and for how long

Facilitator forgetting to start the timer

Facilitator loosing track of who has been a listener so far in a round

Facilitator permitting a listener a 2nd turn before everyone else has had a turn

Facilitator offering guidance by saying what not to do, rather then what to do

Facilitator attempts to make the process go perfectly by intervening a lot