What have been the difficulties for you of taking part in an empathy circle?
CIELJA KIEFT
In the beginning I thought I had to feed back exactly what the person had said and I got nervous to ‘not provide’ and doubted my ‘memory’ (and still have that when there are words, ideas, expressions etc. that I am not familiar with). I was used to listen to the underlying stream that a person wants to convey and help them staying on their stream of thought, so I had to consciously step away from that.
How can the worry be avoided of not hearing everything?
Even though Edwin said don’t worry, I still felt I had to remember it all.. It was a contrast in how I had been doing it. I am used to listening to the deep one. This was just the words and not the deeper meaning. The contrast between casual and deeper listening.
It was a point of difficulty. Why it was difficult.. It stops the thought process of the person’s thinking process. They have to listen to the reflector. So now I have to stop, and listen.. This is not about deep underlying problems.. This process is not about that.
I see the usefulness of this basic initial process. I had to relearn that skill. There is appreciation for learning this.
Concern
Do I have to say back word for word what the speaker said?
Reply
Just reflect the essence of what your hear. You do not need to say back exactly what you heard.
Reflect the feeling and the feelings that the speaker desires.
EDWIN RUTSCH
I can feel stuck in my getting better at listening. I’d like to feel that I am getting better and growing in my listening abilities.
BILL FILLER
I don’t have any difficulties in participating myself. I’d like to see the practice spread, but don’t want to “evangelize” or pressure people. I can see the benefits of the structure.