What are challenges you have experienced as the Reflective Listener and reflecting the speaker?
Ingrid
Empathic State or Cognitive State Remembering to go into an “empathic state or presence” (compared to a “cognitive state or presence”) when listening and reflecting back so the Speaker really feels heard.
Dimitra
Feeling Anxious. All group is a different culture. I will not understand the different metaphors, idioms. I was persistent.
Other listeners are not doing that well either.. We are all in the same boat. This made me feel relaxed.
Everyone had their own style.. They were anxious as well. I’m just doing my best. Other listeners, realized it’s not saying every word back, word for word. It’s not reflecting every word. It’s more showing the attention. At first I thought I had to say everything back. What is important is to have the speaker know you are paying attention.
Jessica
Too Basic of Reflections
Sometimes, I feel my reflections are too basic and the Speaker looks at me like “Yeah, I know, I just said that’... in those moments, I panic a little and want to ask a question to fill up the silence
Don’t Like the Speaker
If I feel I don’t like the person, it’s harder for me to stay present. Sometimes I don’t connect with the person. I don’t like them.. Then it is hard to connect with them..
Cultural differences.
They will not understand my accents.
Sometimes feel lost when I do a reflection. My reflections are too basic. Doesn’t resonate with the deeper experience. The speaker says that is what I said and they say, so what.
It’s too Intimate Reflection in the wild… people may be uncomfortable.. It’s too intimate. If I go to deep the speaker feels sensitive. And withdraws.
Feel Anxious
I feel anxious to give the “right” reflection sometimes.
Nancy
Performance Anxiety
I am sometimes distracted by a concern that I will not understand the speaker’s point or intent, and be able to reflect back accurately his/her thoughts/feelings.
Bias/Judgement
The little voice in the back of my mind that wants to distract me when I hear something contradictory to my opinions or experience.
Creativity
Finding words or phrases that reflect the speaker’s feelings and intent without using her/his exact same words.
Edwin:
Focus: Reflection in an Empathy Circle.
Bringing in my Expectations for movement.
Wanting something to happen.. To move the empathy movement forward.. Putting stress into making it happen..
Reflection with tensions.
Feels like a conflict, and has tensions. They are suspicious., Am I being non authentic. Ie With my partner.
Desire to Be Supportive?
I have desire and a feeling of wanting to do a good job of the reflection.. That is to give a clear reflection that captures the essence of what the person is saying and is supportive. So I am thinking, how can I do this better.
Questioning: Am I Doing a Good Job?
I find myself asking myself if I am doing a good job of reflecting. How can I deepen this.
Edwin: Feeling of Withdrawing
Was noticing in an empathy buddy call my feeling or questioning of, “is this almost over”. Wanting to move from a listening mode to talking mode. Feeling some tension or impatience.
Desire for Deeper Clarity?
I’d like to articulate the step by step thought processes that are going on in my and other people's minds as they are doing the listening and reflection.. I have some questions.
What is the inner story and feelings of what is going on in my and others minds as we reflect back?
What do we focus on reflecting?
In Motivational Interviewing you reflect back or put an emphasis on reflecting back the energies for forward movement of change for the speaker.
Notes
Share some quotes on listening with the whole body.
Do a reflection round and talk about your experience of the reflecting . Observe how you are reflecting and talk about what is going on in you? Do it from a feeling standpoint, how do you feel now?
Show a video of Carl Rogers doing a session. Discuss how he is doing reflection.
Do a focusing session on feeling into giving a reflection.