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How might we support each other in bringing empathy circles out into the world?
Synchronicity that I am here. Decided to incorporate empathy circles online as a preparation for a workshop I am doing in April. Great skills to learn before the workshop on dynamic facilitation/empathic inquiry. Then heard Edwin was doing the same thing, so here I am in this empathy circle
. Learnings and frustrations from doing my online groups: offered it to 700 people on my email list. Response has been sparse! Sign up then cancel, get sick, bad internet...lovely small connection, even just two of us, but still small.
One person a second time...
How to market?
Circle was inexpensive, so...maybe connect it to something else in terms of marketing…
”Reduce holiday stress,” something else to market it….
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Story: Rosa is offering and facilitating empathy circles but there is not much interest in taking part from her community.
Feeling: frustration at few signups and other issues.
Needed Feelings:
Feeling: lovely experience.
Needed Feelings:
Insight: While having lovely feelings in an empathy circle Rosa is feeling frustrated that more people don't want to take part.
HMW: How might we (market) increase interest in taking part in Empathy Circles?
Brainstorming Ideas:
Convey the benefits. inexpensive, have lovely feelings and experience.
connect the topic with something else like
”Reduce holiday stress,”
Prototyping:
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Meg speaking > Sofia listening
What’s empathy comparison, to compassion, love, sympathy,
Want to deepen our relationship/meeting. That we are extremely users,
Where are we extremely empathic and empathetic..
Where are the limits of being empathic
Challenging the notion that we can empathize, even when we have no experience of a situation.
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Story: Meg has many questions about the nature of empathy. For example;
How does it compare to compassion, love, sympathy, etc?
Where are the limits of being empathic?
Feeling:
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Feeling:
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Insight:
HMW: How might we...
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Story: Meg would like to deepen our relationship in the empathy circle.
Feeling:
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Feeling:
Needed Feelings:
Insight:
HMW: How might we... deepen our relationship in the empathy circle?
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Sofia speaking > Kathy listening
I have not read the notes. Feeling tensed a little bit about it. Still enjoying the atmosphere in the listening cafe on Saturday where there is simple listening in silence and then the empathy circle after it. I have made peace with not so many people showing up. I am also agonizing about the pubs being packed and what is happening in politics. I come back to my place after the empathy circles and I trust that if we have each other then we have everything. Notice of the cumulative effect in being into these beautiful different practices. I am even happy to be sad and I am sure that this is understood here.
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HMW: How might we...
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Kathy speaking > Gordon listening
Kathy centered for a moment happy to be here,
coming for support
doesn't want to get pushed into doing
that was feeling in coming
megs definitions and questions
is it possible?
Kathy does not want to do that here
this is more for support, kathy wants
to have those interesting discussions
somewhere else
put out 1978 manuscript
will send out link
retyped it all, formatted it all 315 pgs,
put it on website, announced it, sending out link
did a lot this week!
Kent state is still relevant.
Inspired...feels teariness to have it said back...
Planning to do an online class maybe with edwin
will offer free class
was stimulated by megs project, ricks website
does rick want help? Can post it....
believes in the process
we don't have to write it all down...
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Gordon speaking > Rick listening
Empathy circles vs pubs (empathy circles not so sexy as pubs, where people go to forget about tender feelings)
Tender feelings vs loud feelings.
How to attract people when it requires a whole different orientation?
I struggle with this myself
I agree with Rosa - identifying focus of empathy circles
And also with Kathy - wanting to be here just for me
Tension between getting things done and the be-ingness
The irony of Kathy’s will for support/be and yet her incredible ability to be productive
I have excitement of the cognitive/meaning-making process but this does not yet connected to the deeper feelings related to this process. Challenge of integration of these too pieces. That is where my work is.
Sadness as the doorway to meaning and to joy.
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Story:
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Rick speaking > Sophia listening
Been following the emails...intrigued by color graph of emotions….my event snowed out...aspect of “sexiness.”...trying to tell a story, get people to play //see Brown grad students list of 15 empathy games--ask Edwin//, listening is one way of that playing...make it more entertaining, using stories, play. The notetaking may be important for others, but feels clunky to me, not my way...spent a lot of time in realm of creating the website….frustrating...if there is someone out there who has developing and coding abilities, that would be a great collaboration for me...also happy to chat one-on-one with anyone in the group, get to know each other that way, travel together over time...
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Edwin speaking > Kathy listening
Process: in smaller group, experience has been that it works fine to have speaker chose a listener (regardless of who has spoken already.) Yet in larger group, it makes sense to have everyone have a first turn before someone has a second turn. Otherwise people can start feeling left out…
Edwin’s projects: Video documentary for sister, of grandmother in Russia… after New Year, want to start focusing more on the circles.
Value of listening circles as practice; builds listening resilience, carries over to daily life…
Issue of how to get new people involved…#1 value for being here, is receiving personal support; yet the outward-looking aspect important also.
Partner seeing value of empathy circles for Democrats (not necessarily for listening to Republicans, but for supporting each other.
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Kathy speaking > Rosa listening
Clarifications.
- I never said just the experience and the doing. Flows naturally.
The doing comes from the hearing and activates me to do things. I Don't’ just want to sit.
I not going to be judgemental about writing and meaning making.
Takes joy in Gordons meaning making. I don’t want it to be my project.,
The fear of tender feelings.
Occupy Empathy: All these groups, Sanders, standing rock, etc have an aggressive quality.
All our progressive stuff tends to be confrontational.. They all have this push and confrontation quality. How do we do activism in an empathy-based way? I’m not sad, I’m touched. I would imagine having groups (black churches) could go out and do empathy listening.
How do we do ongoing empathic way?
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Rosa Speaks > Sofia listens
(…)
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Sofia Speaks > Gordon listening
Contrast between tidal waves of change… while also having small circles of 4, 5, 6, people, doing this sacred work. Feels fitting…being here, gives the experience that it makes sense, even if disproportionate…
Being in other meetings… and, because of experience of being here, makes it easier to find the right moment to share about this… Something about the times we are in now, may make it that this experience will be heard more deeply….
Even if they don’t come, they get the importance, and say that “everyone needs to do this”...
This practice has had the most support of any other… people are responding to The Listening Cafe more than to anything else I have done… feeling that there is a “right timing” to everything, a time that is ripe for this practice.
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Gordon speaks > Kathy listens
The dilemma of who I resonate with, and instead of rescuing
Recognize the dilemma so everyone gets a turn, versus where the resonance is.
Have lots of ideas and I forget them, as I surrender with the group process where the the group energy is.
An interesting dynamic, empathy circle slows down the flow,
It slows down the dialog and it could inhibit the flow.
Getting into the aliveness.
How to keep up the flow. When I don’t feel understood then I can ask for empathic listening. It grabs people's attention. I want more aliveness, flow.
You don’t always need the reflection, you can feel the empathic state.
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Rick speaks > Gordon listens
Feeling disconnected or clunking at some points in the circle.
How might we generate more aliveness and flow in the empathy circles?
Rick appreciates Gordon talking about aliveness and flow...likes this structure but wants...something more...I’ll experiment, might not work, but I want to move in that direction...a game….more aliveness and flow...cards to choose...buttons to push...mix it up more...get people engaged… this is a very being process, noticing process, important...but also doing things, decision-making, needed in some way...how to integrate… how ‘break off’ into other activities while establishing empathy as the basis...that flow aspect...thinking out loud...maybe the trust aspect in the group….the magic when you say something more from the flow, something you’ve never said before, and hear it reflected...that is the magic...vs. the ‘clunky’ aspect...
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Meg speaks > Rick listens
Problem: Noticing difficulty of being creative in a group. She has a desire for more creativity?
Is she feeling uncreative?
HMW: How might we feel more creative in an empathy circle?
Ideas: Offer symbols to the speaker.
HMW: How might we be more effective in empathy circles?
Remembering in Rome, a group that had to create a theatre piece
Each person had to facilitate a workshop
Creativity was “separated off”
Hence, to merge creativity (individual) and empathy/communication/sharing, I offer focusing workshop related to the social arts. In these workshops, the other person who listens to you becomes part of shaping your own symbols. The listener helps creating the symbols of the speaker.
I will propose this, for this kind of group. That the listener offers a symbol
But even there, there is no received view of how to be creative and achieving results with a project
If we want to be effective in spreading empathy , we need a team process, like the one Edwin suggested.
There are ideo seminars starting in February. I would like to join it, these processes that add effectiveness to spreading empathy.
IDEO Human-Centered Design.
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Post Dialog
Gordon
We have individual projects, but not an overriding one...
Rosa
hearing the themes of clunk, uncreative, unflow.
Larger question: When and where are empathy circles useful?
What is the larger eco-system of practices, and where do empathy circles fit into that larger ecosystem?
Sofia
Feeling increased well being. Want to Go into empathy circle as a practice, for its own sake.
Engage in other practices for task-oriented work.
Kathy
Task oriented person
Have a model. Go with the flow and have a intervention.
Empathy games.
Empathy cards.
Empathy buddies can form from this group.
See getting empathy circles out into world, as overriding project, even though we are each doing it in our own ways.
Edwin
This is fundamentally a support group.
IDEO -- distinct phases… use empathy for one phase, then go into a brainstorming mode…
With design, we translate that into design question, of “how we might feel more creative in an empathy circle?”
Gordon
Human Centered Design process for designing a product or a service… AND, for exploring any problem. 40 k-12 schools using it in Bay Area…
Rosa
I am willing to take notes and found it very helpful.
I would like the notes, as a way to later reflect and build on the ideas that were shared during the meeting.
Kathy
How might we foster more feeling in the empathy circle?
Has 40 years of thinking, dominating, feeling.
There is a domination of thinking over feeling.
Don’t want to lose the feeling aspect of this group
Gordon
The relationship between note taking and taking into the feeling.
What is the creative process we are creating in the moment with each other?
Sofia,
Don’t want to burn out.
During the week.
The priority is the practice of empathy.
We make meaning by being in our body.
Rick
It’s magical about just being.
As soon as you put words on, it sharpens my view,
Like to be present.
Own experience is the presence rather than note taking.
Gordon
How might we integrate two ways of being?
This in a fundamental inquiry.
One on one empathy buddy is good.
Rosa,
Concern about the practical issue.
Proposal, those who like to take notes can do so,
Those who don’t enjoy it, don’t need to do it.
Would feel frustrated if there continues to be unresolved energy about this issue.
Kathy
More concerned about what happens next, after this group....
Meg
Surprised by split between feeling and thinking
Extra Discussions
Hi all
Really enjoyed the circle today. I just love being with others that value empathy and connection. It feels very supportive and I feel hopeful.
Some thoughts.
A Support group.
This is an empathy circle support group, with a fixed number of meetings and there is no expectation to do any activities or projects together outside of the circle. If participants do decide to team up on projects, that’s great but there is no expectation for that.
Facilitators
The main activity for the empathy circle is the timed reflective listening. However each facilitator can add a bit of their own activities if they want.
For example,
Edwin added a physical mirrored activity of expressing a personal feeling that was turned into a physical motion and then everyone mirrors that. A nice activity to get synchronized movement which releases oxytocin which fosters better empathic connection. It’s also physical and fun and gets us out of just words. It gets us into our bodies..
Gordon added a free style themed discussion at the end.
So as facilitator, you can add some of your creative ideas that foster more empathic connection.
I am imagining developing an Empathy Circle Toolkit (tool chest) with a selection of different activities that can be added to the basic reflective listening process.
Some of activities we did in other circles are,
1. starting with some quiet meditation, self connection like Kathy often does.
2. intention setting: stating the group intention and hearing each person’s personal intention. Then Candle lighting to hold and symbolize that intention. Then at the end we all blow the candle out together.. I do it with my family and they all just love that part.
3. mirrored movement activity like we did.
Some initial ideas.
Warmly
edwin
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Hi All
I posted our Empathy circle notes to
https://sites.google.com/site/empathycircles/meetings/2016-12-18
I added some screen shots to add visuals to the page so it’s not just all text.
I also simplified our intention question from:
How might we bring empathy circles out into the world and how can we support each other in doing that?
How might we support each other in bringing empathy circles out into the world?
What do you think?
I LIKE IT. MORE CONCISE, NOTHING LOST IN THE TRANSLATION.
Shaping the comments.
I’m playing with how to take the sharing from everyone and give it a structure.
Ie,. I’m using the empathic design framework for that.
It starts with finding the story and deeper felt experience that the speaker has.
YES –GOOD INITIAL FOCUS ON THE STORY AND FELT-SENSE OF WHAT MATTERS HERE [IMPLICIT MEANING – GENDLIN].
What are the feelings they want or desire? This is sometimes called finding the ‘needs’ in design and also in NVC.
I WOULD DISTINGUISH BETWEEN
(A) THE FEELINGS/FELT-SENSE EXPERIENCED BY THE SPEAKER, AND
(B) THE UNMET NEEDS THAT THE FEELINGS/FELT SENSE POINT TO. THOSE COULD INCLUDE BOTH THE UNMET NEEDS OF THE SPEAKER
(B1) AND INTUITIONS ABOUT THE NEEDS OF THE POSSIBLE AUDIENCES OR PARTICIPANTS IN THE PROCESS BEING DISCUSSED
(B2). AS I UNDERSTAND THE HUMAN-CENTERED DESIGN MOVEMENT, THEY ARE PRIMARILY FOCUSED ON B2. EMPATHY CIRCLES WOULD BE FOCUSING ON BOTH B1 AND B2.
Then finding a problem or insight statement and turning that into a how might we statement that becomes a gateway to brainstorming ideas. It could also be a gateway questions for a DF (empathic inquiry) question.
EXCELLENT. WE CAN CALL THIS THE GATEWAY STEP – OPENING TO BRAINSTORMING OR DF-TYPE INQUIRY QUESTIONS, ETC.
The we come up with ideas that can be tested and prototyped to see how they work.
for example. ....
THERE MAY BE OTHER STEPS BEFORE PROTOTYPING, RELATED TO DIVERGENCE – CONVERGENCE [FROM DF METHODOLOGY] AND ARRIVING AT CONSENSUS.
THANKS EDWIN FOR YOUR REFLECTION AND INSIGHT, AND THE EXAMPLE BELOW TO GROUND IT. MY APOLOGIES IS MY COMMENTS COME ACROSS AS TEACHER-LIKE OR EDITOR-LIKE. I CAN’T HELP MYSELF – I’M READING STUDENT PAPERS ALL DAY TODAY!
BEST,
GORDON
Warmly
edwin
Fostering Common vs Individual Projects
This series of empathy circles on the topic of:
How might we support each other in bringing empathy circles out into the world?
I see it that participants all have empathy circle initiatives they are doing. The intention was to support each other and we can decide how to move forward either individual or in shared projects.
The only loose commitment is that we meet every Monday until Jan 9th. There is no commitment beyond that. We will see what emerges.
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Story:
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Feeling:
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Insight:
HMW: How might we...
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