2012-10-27* c2

Empathy Circle 2 with Mindscape

Nancy Margulies (nancymargulies.com) joined this Empathy Circle and made some Mindscapes of the discussion.

"Nancy facilitates visioning sessions and presents ideas using her unique form of graphic representation, Mindscaping. After decades of visually recording she developed skills in event design and facilitation."

Circle 2 - (2012-10-27)

Erika : Empathic Diversity: Models are a wonderful way to distill theory and implement practice. I understand that our circle is focused on the Rogerian model of reflective listening. When I pondered my self-critical "melt-down" yesterday, I gleaned some insights:

(1) I am still astonished by how healing and nurturing your genuinely empathic response was to me. Please hear my heart's deep gratitude to you Lidewij, Alice and Edwin. Everyone should be so blessed to have access to such a caring community (which, I believe, is one of the outcomes/functions of the User Guide);

(2) The source of the hurt and shame I experienced yesterday came from not only struggling within the confines of reflective listening, but also that my own innate and practiced "style" of empathy is, a bit, at odds with reflective listening.

What reflective listening calls "projection" is precisely the thing clients pay me to provide them with... a 1:1 practice I've built upon my strength and ability to "amplify"... to hear beyond and underneath what is spoken.

The reflective listening model calls my gift a block. Can you see my dilemma? A model that is designed to bar judgment has, in fact, "judged" the good fruit I bring. It took me several weeks to get clear enough to be able to articulate this realization. I tried so hard to adapt to this model that I demeaned my own personal, and viable, form of practiced empathy. Reflective listening is ONE of MANY modes of empathic intelligence/listening/practice.

On behalf of those who do not naturally experience empathy as a clinician or scholar, I think it's important that we not become overly zealous with a single approach. It denigrates the legitimacy of more metaphysically-oriented folks like myself. There is value in my irrepressible tendency to grasp the sub-text and to hear beyond, above and below what is spoken. It's been a great discipline for me to try to restrain that tendency, but it comes at the cost of constantly wearing a girdle that leashes a big part of who I am.

I don't know the useful application of this discovery, but still felt the need to share it with you. The fact that I can do so, without fear, is the very reason I have come to love each of you so much.

Thank you for expanding, challenging and accepting me.