Advanced Tips

Reflective Listener role

• • Advanced tips:

    • There will be times when the Speaker says something and you will notice that you are feeling some emotions (such as anger or sadness); this is ok, just try to notice what you are feeling and stay focused on the speaker. If you can’t stay focused on the Speaker consider telling the speaker that you are having difficulty listening right now.

    • When the person is speaking judgements may arise which can distract you from listening. You are going to feel an urge to judge, give advice, you have to notice them and let go. Feelings are arising, and that is ok.

    • Can the listener opt out? I want to acknowledge that people can’t deal with it. Not matter what the storm, we agree to stick with the process.

    • I’d like skills that I can’t listen anymore.

    • Need at least a willingness to see through another’s eyes, to suspend self-centeredness, to receive respectfully what they have to offer, and to desire their well being - these are habits of mind and heart that underlie and motivate empathic understanding. (Source: Listening Well)

    • The goal is to validate refine your understanding of what the Speaker is communicating.

    • find out whether your understanding of what the Speaker is communicating is accurate rather than merely assuming that it is. (Source: Listening Well)

    • Do not assume that your understanding of the Speaker said is accurate.

    • Familiarize yourself with the ways that people typically respond instead of listening. (Source: Listening Well)

Advanced Experience

• • Advanced Experience

    • (The benefits and challenges. Just do it, challenges will arise and we have another document to address the challenges. Keep it simple. )

    • what challenges might come up and how can you deal with it?

    • A range of feelings from pleasant to unpleasant; uncomfortable feelings

    • We do not know what people will feel

    • You can bring your full self

    • Feel a sense of growth of skills

    • Triggers shut you down.

    • Over time it changes the listener. With ability in empathic understanding can come greater acceptance, compassion, forgiveness, and humility. It is an ever present reminder that you are not the center of the universe, the sole source of truth (Listening Well wording). This may be better in “Benefits”

    • Being fully present with someone else helps not to take this too personally.(This is related to one of the first bullets about being fully present - just not sure what to do with it. )

    • You may be reminded about your own experience that is similar and you lose presence with the speaker.(move this to advanced)