Eliza

Written Comments (2017-03-28)

We don’t have claws. We don’t have teeth. We need other people and other people need us in order to be safe on a fundamental, biological level.

So to have someone listen and then reflect back what one says with love and understanding makes one feel safe and healthy biologically.

Both being the speaker and the listener within the framework of empathy circles settles the nervous system by decreasing cortisol and increasing oxytocin.

It is like a kind of medicine really.

On a social level it helps attune us to listening. As the saying goes, “the word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.” Through silent listening and witnessing learn how listen more deeply and by sharing our stories with people listening this way we learn to trust more easily.

Eliza Round 1

I am so amazed how every time I do an empathy circle and it's my turn to share. When, what I speak is reflected back to me, I learn so much about what I was thinking. It always deepens my understanding of my own experience and causes me to have greater insight and I feel a lot of gratitude about that. It's just so amazing how simple it is, just to hear yourself and then you can really hear yourself. So that is something I really enjoy about empathy circles.

Eliza Round 2

I'm so energized. So just the feeling right now, that I have right now after reflecting and listening and being a silent witness. I mean just the witness part and it's almost like you are just exponentially fanning the flame of your own, like, beautiful humanity as other peoples flames are getting fanned. I feel like that sounds very not grounded in science or something but it feels really good.

But I'm going to ground it in science because I wrote about this so what is so cool that I can feel my cortisol just like dissolving and my oxytocin is just blossoming and it is so real like it is this neurological truth like what Alara was just talking about rewiring different chemicals are being released in my body just from this process of simply speaking and listening and watching other people do that. And the fact that, that's all we need in order to change our biology is like that is really cool.

Rosa Reflection:

You have this expression at first about fanning the flames of each others humanity. And you said something about how wonderful it's feeling right now and when we talk about feeling wonderful that can sound unscientific but that you have science to back it up because you have been doing this research and so the science has to do with dissolving cortisol and releasing oxytocin and that it is just amazing to realize that we have everything we need to change our biology by just being together in this generous way with each other. Where there is room for each person to be heard. And so that's the scientific version of this feels wonderful.

Eliza

I don't think empathy circles are going cure depression for the planet but I think,.. I'm not a doctor or something, I'm not going to prescribe empathy circles, but I do think it feels wonderful and I am conscious of like, I am up against myself. For me to ground it in science because some much of my work has been in this area and I've gotten so many eye roles in my life. Alright fine, I'll ground everything in science, but you know just like, Why? Like Why? It's enough, and I think just like the experiential learning of it like proves it to be enough.

And that is a big relief for me. I'm starting to realize, alright fine let's ground it in science but, let's also just not! and experience the thing and trust that the experience is enough, because it is. Because that has been true. I feel like layers are shedding, around all that need to make it hard.

Rosa Reflection:

As you hear things back you are going to another level and noticing and wondering about your own pattern of wanting to ground things in science. And recognizing that over the course of your life and working in this area you've gotten a lot of eye roles from people, so that is like feed your desire to ground things in science and it is important and at the same time you also are reflecting on the power of the experience and feeling how the experience has it's own truth, it's own way, it's own enoughness, and so maybe when we introduce people the experience of it, in some circumstances we may not need to lean so much on the science, even though it's also good to know that the science is there. There is a lightness and feeling a bit of that. Need to ground it in science so that people don't roll their eyes,