How to Host an Empathy Circle

Empathy Circles are a great way to support fresh clear thinking, to build connection and empathy, and to develop our listening skills. They are also quite simple to host: below is the basic format. As host, you can choose a starter topic from the list on the bottom of this page, or come up with one of your own.

In a Circle of 3 to 5 Participants

• 1. The first person to be the speaker asks someone else in the circle to be their active listener.

  2. If that person agrees, the speaker begins speaking about the topic (or whatever else is up for them).

  3. The listener reflects back periodically what they are hearing, to help the speaker feel heard.

  4. At the end of the first turn, the listener becomes the next speaker. They ask someone else to be their active listener, and the process is repeated.

We keep going around the circle like this, for the time allotted. Sometimes it helps to time the turns: each Speaker + Listener pair can continue, either until the Speaker feels fully heard, or until 5 minutes are up, whichever comes first.

Tips for Speakers

• 1. Pause often to give your listener a chance to reflect what they have heard. Your listener can also ask for a pause at any point, so they can reflect what you’ve said so far.

  2. After your listener has offered a reflection, you may find that there’s something you want to clarify. Even if they’ve got it exactly right, there may be more you want to add to what you said earlier.

  3. When you feel complete, you can say something like, “I feel fully heard” to indicate that you’re finished. Now it is the Listener’s turn to become the next Speaker.

Tips for Active Listeners

• 1. Listen with interested curiosity to your speaker. You can ask them to pause if you need to reflect back what you’ve heard before taking in more.

  2. Let your speaker know what you’ve heard. The point is to help them feel understood. Do this by reflecting back to them the gist of what they have said.

  3. This is not a test. You are not being judged. You and the speaker are working together, to help them feel “gotten”.

  4. Your role is simply to stay present, and refrain from judging, diagnosing or giving advice. Listen appreciatively, and then offer back your understanding of what they have said so far.

Tips for Silent Listeners

Your role is to listen and be present. You’ll soon have a turn to be a speaker or an active listener. Meanwhile, your attention is a real contribution to the process!

Potential Topics for Starter Circles

CultureOfEmpathy.com