Opinion

Why you should believe every word of infomercials

Liberty Ward

Oct. 31, 2023

From a cure of cancer to orange juice that will nuke your neighbors, there are no downsides to believing infomercials. Think of the pros: no more disease, no more sadness, no more money. There is absolutely no way that any of the products, like utilitarian door tables, are lying about their endless functionality… right? 

Never mind the logistics of it, let’s just look at a few products. Created by emgn.com, Sauna Pants are there for all of your heating needs! These fantastic pants simulate the heat of a sauna in only your lower body, kinda jorts style. Now sure, this product may seem questionable (and practically useless) but it can burn fat if used correctly! Okay okay, maybe that one wasn’t great, but maybe this next product will change your mind. Introducing the Hair Drying Gloves! These gloves dry your hair twice as fast, specifically any and all hair on your hands. What, you thought this product was for your head? Don’t be silly.

Okay obviously these products aren’t the greatest examples of the glory that infomercials possess, but that doesn't mean you shouldn’t believe them. I mean the Hair Drying Gloves do dry your hair twice as fast! Anyways as long as you read commercials carefully and read the fine print, everything will be fine.

*DISCLAIMER THIS ARTICLE IS A JOKE*