TIL - 48

After leaving Chen Cheng’s house, Wen Huo kept thinking about his expression. He had a kind of sorrow that she couldn’t describe, one that made her heart ache. In the car, Ruan Lihong held her hand, trying to distract her, but she still felt Chen Cheng’s presence filling her mind without a single gap. He filled it so completely that she couldn’t see herself anymore.

Su He asked Ruan Lihong, “Are we going home?”

Ruan Lihong said, “Jinbaojie, to pick up the car.”

Su He was about to start the car when Wen Huo stopped him. “I didn’t give him back his phone. I’m going to go return it.”

Ruan Lihong held her hand, not letting her go. “A smart woman doesn’t trip over the same rock twice. People who repeat their mistakes never have good outcomes. They just extend the time they suffer.”

Wen Huo told her, “He tricked me into coming over just so I could sleep.”

Ruan Lihong was slightly taken aback.

“I haven’t changed my mind. I still don’t want to have anything to do with him. But one thing is one thing. He never hit me. I am very selfish, but I can’t be that selfish.”

Ruan Lihong wanted to believe her. “Then where did your injuries come from?”

At this point, there was nothing she couldn’t say. “From having sex with him.”

Ruan Lihong’s face darkened even more. She knew they had been intimate, but hearing Wen Huo say it herself made her want to tear Chen Cheng to shreds. Her cabbage had been defiled by a pig.

Wen Huo squeezed Ruan Lihong’s hand. “Mom, I can handle this myself.”

Ruan Lihong watched as Wen Huo got out of the car. In the end, she didn’t stop her. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe Wen Huo could handle the situation; it was that she didn’t trust Chen Cheng.

Su He said at that moment, “Actually, I dislike Chen Cheng more than you do. I want them to have nothing to do with each other even more. But I don’t have the right to interfere. I think that’s the word to use here, ‘interfere.’ Since we’re considering Wen Huo’s well-being, we should prioritize what she wants.”

Ruan Lihong gave him a look. “There’s a Chinese saying: you don’t necessarily have to marry someone your parents arrange for you, but you definitely shouldn’t marry someone your parents object to.”

Su He turned his head to face her.

Ruan Lihong continued, “I don’t forbid her from dating, but didn’t you notice that she wasn’t happy with Chen Cheng?”

Su He had his own understanding of love. “Love isn’t always happy. Sometimes love hurts because it’s painful. I can experience many different feelings in a relationship, and that’s why I’ll have a lasting impression of that relationship and that person.”

Sometimes Ruan Lihong loved the “love till death” mindset of people with personality disorders like Su He, but sometimes she found it too naive.

Su He’s voice sounded a bit unnatural in his next sentence. “Do you not feel these things with me?”

Ruan Lihong fell silent. Looking at Su He’s innocent expression, Ruan Lihong realized that she was a huge hypocrite. She liked his obsession but also disliked it. In other words, she wanted Su He to be obsessed when she needed him to be and to be sensible when she didn’t. When she thought about Wen Huo, it was true that she loved her very much, but she couldn’t deny that she didn’t want Wen Huo and Chen Cheng to be together. She had her own selfish reasons. She kept saying she wouldn’t restrict Wen Huo from dating, but in reality, she was afraid someone would steal her away.

Why did she like people with obsessive personality disorders? Because she was one herself. She and Wen Huo had depended on each other for many years. It was fine for Wen Huo to come back to China, but her possessiveness wouldn’t allow someone else to have her after she returned.

Under Su He’s humble questioning, Ruan Lihong confronted her own flaws. She looked at Su He, this beautiful boy. He was naive and obsessive, but he seemed to be able to affect her emotions and judgment. She actually decided to listen to him, because of his pitiful expression, and let Wen Huo handle her own love life.

Su He was a little sad. He wanted to ask but didn’t dare to anymore, so he turned back around.

Ruan Lihong said, “Why aren’t you asking me?”

Su He turned back and looked at her.

Ruan Lihong held out her hand. “Ask me again.”

Su He hesitantly asked, “Do you not feel these things with me?”

Ruan Lihong gently touched his face. “I do.”

Ruan Lihong’s original name was Wan Wei. After her parents divorced, her mother changed her name to Ruan Lihong. But actually, her original name, Wan Wu Ke Wei, which means everything can be me, suited her temperament more. Perhaps because of that name, she had lived a very free-spirited life. Every one of her relationships had been unconventional, so logically, she really had no right to interfere with Wen Huo’s choice of love.

So be it. She would just be a strong support system for her daughter. And so, the war between the elders ended up being thwarted by two strong-willed younger people. From then on, she wouldn’t interfere and would let them figure it out for themselves. After all, they could only walk half of life’s path with them. If they were still going to love each other after being bruised and battered, how could she possibly stop them?

________________________________________

Chen Cheng held Wen Huo as if he were holding the entire world. The feeling that all his irrationality resided in her alone cleared all the other sounds from his ears, leaving him to only hear her, and her alone. Her presence purified his negative state, slowly pulling him out of the abyss. His negative emotions fought back but were ultimately defeated.

Wen Huo was held so tightly that she could only find oxygen from his chest. As she breathed in the scent of his sandalwood, her heart, which had been racing from the pull and embrace, slowly began to calm down.

She didn’t know how long had passed when Yiyi’s crying could be heard. Wen Huo reminded Chen Cheng, and he finally let her go. “Wait for me.”

Wen Huo had only come to return the phone. She hoped that she and Chen Cheng would never have a reason to see each other again, so she had to return the phone to prevent him from using it as an excuse to trick her into coming back.

Chen Cheng took two steps away, then seemed to remember something and turned back, taking Wen Huo’s hand. He wanted to take her with him. He was afraid she would leave. His hand was strong and cold. Wen Huo looked down at his hand. With such a beautiful hand, he had once held the world in his grasp, and now he was using that hand to hold her. No, not “grasp.” He wasn’t using any force, as if he was afraid of hurting her. The Chen Cheng who had lost all reason and held her so tightly just a moment ago seemed to have disappeared.

Wen Huo wondered what was wrong with him. He was Chen Cheng, the man who could easily bend things to his will. Everyone was afraid of him, so what was he afraid of?

Chen Cheng led Wen Huo to Yiyi’s room and then went to check on Yiyi. Yiyi kept looking at Wen Huo, looking very curious about her.

Chen Cheng introduced her. “This is Auntie Huohuo.”

Wen Huo walked over and corrected him. “I’m Big Sister Huohuo.”

Chen Cheng insisted. “You’re Auntie.”

Wen Huo also insisted. “I’m much younger than your dad, so I’m Big Sister.”

Chen Cheng gave up arguing and let her have her way.

Yiyi’s fever had gone down, and now they just had to wait for the inflammation to subside. Chen Cheng fed her some soft food, and then called the nurse to take care of her. Wen Huo watched the whole time, remembering her purpose for coming. She was supposed to be taking care of Yiyi, but she hadn’t even done so for five minutes.

When the nurse arrived, Chen Cheng took Wen Huo out. They stood at the bottom of the stairs where Chen Cheng had been “judged” not long ago.

Wen Huo handed him the phone.

Chen Cheng didn’t take it and just looked at her.

Wen Huo placed the phone on the mantelpiece and said, “I’m leaving.”

Chen Cheng said, “I’m not married.”

Wen Huo’s gaze shifted from his face to somewhere else. She didn’t say anything.

Chen Cheng continued, “Yiyi isn’t my child.”

Wen Huo gently bit her lip.

Chen Cheng went on, “Was there even a tiny part of you that was with me because of me?”

Wen Huo was about to leave. It was getting late. “My mom is waiting for me outside.”

Chen Cheng took her hand. She had her back to him, not wanting to see his face. His face was more beautiful than Su He’s, and she couldn’t bear to see him look sad and say such humble words. No one could.

Chen Cheng’s hand, which was holding her wrist, slowly slid down and grasped her hand. “You said I was the most amazing man you’d ever met, and that you loved me the most. Was any of that sincere?”

Wen Huo’s heart suddenly started beating faster. His cold hand began to feel warm in her palm, transmitting his explicit, fervent love to her. He was confessing to her, this man who could turn the world upside down was confessing to her, with the most humble posture. Wen Huo’s lips trembled imperceptibly, and her eyelids fluttered, revealing her struggling and conflicted heart.

Wen Huo slowly pulled her hand away and said, “It’s going to rain today. If I don’t leave now, I’ll get soaked.”

She never turned around. Her face was full of the flaws of her avoidance and her disingenuousness. Even after sleeping, her brain still didn’t seem to have rested well. She couldn’t see through herself anymore. She had to leave.

She ran out of Chen Cheng’s house and back to the car. Her pale lips and lifeless eyes revealed her poor state to Ruan Lihong. Ruan Lihong felt a pang of heartache, but she didn’t go back to slap Chen Cheng. She told Su He to drive.

As the car drove off, the expressionless Wen Huo began to cry. Tears streamed from her eyes, one after another. Her mind was a mess. She didn’t know what to think, but she just felt sad, incredibly sad. Everything hurt, a physical pain.

Ruan Lihong fumbled to wipe her tears. “Huohuo...”

Wen Huo remembered what Yohji Yamamoto had said. “The thing called ‘yourself’ is invisible. You can only understand yourself when you bump into something else and bounce back.”

________________________________________

Chen Cheng slowly walked to the sofa and sat down.

Just yesterday, he had a way to keep her by his side, so why couldn’t he keep her today? The phone was returned, and he no longer had a reason to see her. To trick and coax her? He couldn’t bring himself to do it anymore. He had been calculating his whole life, to the point of being at the forefront of the world. He didn’t think he was shameless, but just the thought of having to scheme just to get her to look at him made him feel disgusted with himself. If he truly cared about her, but still had to rely on deceit, then his caring wasn’t worth anything, so why would she want it?

In just a few minutes, depression came back for him. The negative emotions that had retreated because Wen Huo had returned now came back with a vengeance.