TEOTW - 8

Silence filled the car. She thought the atmosphere had loosened up quite a bit with a single bottle of wine, but as soon as they got in the car, silence returned. The sound of the engine running, the texture of the air pouring from the air conditioner, and even the sound of their own breaths—everything was vivid. Throughout the ride home, clutching the bottle of wine he had given her, Yiseo was lost in thought.

“What are you thinking about?”

The voice she had heard the first time she rode in this car, heading to his room, suddenly tickled her ears.

“Want some coffee? I don’t like being in anyone’s debt either.”

“I’m not into giving and taking.”

He gives, but he doesn’t take. Giving is up to him, but taking is not. His voice, drawing a line, was clear. And then he focused on driving again.

“Get some sleep on the way.”

“I’m not drunk.”

“Who said you were?”

She had said it out of a concern that he might be worried, but his response was as indifferent as ever. It felt like they had become awkward again, a stark contrast to when he was making lighthearted jokes. Was her feeling of becoming a little closer to him just a drunken illusion?

Yiseo stared blankly at her reflection in the dark car window. Her face was barely visible in the tinted glass, but she could feel the heat in her breath, the flutter in her chest. She let out a shallow sigh and moved her swollen, red lips.

“I don’t usually drink.”

Did it sound like an excuse?

“You drank pretty well for someone who doesn’t.”

She was the one who had finished more than half the bottle. Thinking back, Ryu Taejo hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol throughout the meal. He had been the one to suggest it, but he hadn’t had a single sip himself. It was a foul play.

“Why didn’t you drink?”

“I have to drive.”

“So do I.”

“But you couldn’t, could you?”

It was a clear foul. Seeing him respond so nonchalantly as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, Yiseo let out a weak laugh.

The car she thought was headed to the art center passed the Wonju Interchange and entered the expressway.

“You won’t be able to drive tonight anyway, so I’ll drop you off on the way.”

“You don’t have to...”

“You’ll have to.”

He was right. She couldn’t call a designated driver to get from Wonju to Seoul, nor could she take a taxi, and she couldn’t stay in the staff quarters without incurring the wrath of Choi Seonghee, who didn’t allow overnight stays. Yiseo fell silent. But soon, the silence between them made her feel suffocated.

Ryu Taejo’s silence was in stark contrast to the eloquent conversation that had heated up the atmosphere during dinner. Although the distance between them in the cramped car was closer than when they were sitting opposite each other at the table, that strange silence created a gap.

“Is there a reason for you to do this? Some kind of motive?”

Should she ask? The moment the words she had been debating left her lips, she realized it was a slip-up. But the arrow had already left the bow. The end of her calm voice trembled ridiculously. At the word “motive,” Taejo, who had been looking straight ahead, tilted his head slightly.

“Motive?”

“I just can’t understand why you’re suddenly being so nice to me.”

“Don’t try to understand. We didn’t have sex because we understood each other, did we?”

Yiseo’s eyes shook with bewilderment at his blunt way of speaking, which disregarded everything. At the same time, the car roared and began to cut through the road like a bullet. The car, speeding as if it would be thrown out, was eerily silent. Her heart was beating with an unsettling anxiety, and she unconsciously gripped the handle tightly.

She wondered if it was because of the speed, but she wasn’t afraid of the car crashing right now. So why was her heart so uneasy? She was about to press down on her chest, which was intermittently swelling and deflating.

“Do you not move without a motive?”

His voice, cutting through the stillness, had a sharp edge.

“What do you mean?”

“You said it yourself. You asked if there was a reason for me to do this, some kind of motive.”

She thought for a moment that his silence had been deep because he was thinking about the question she had just thrown at him, but then he shot a quick, sideways glance at Yiseo. It was a twisted look, for some reason. He seemed angry. As his gaze met hers, her anxiously beating heart gave a sharp jolt. It was strange.

“Well, I guess you think that way because that’s how you’ve lived. Then the day you slept with me must have had some motive for you, too.”

“What do you mean?”

The arrow he shot pierced her heart painfully.

“I’m just using your words. You’re the one who brought up ‘motive’.”

Attributing meaning, feeling an inexplicable disappointment for things that didn’t have one, and feeling an unknown something scratch at her chest in this space where there was no reason to be hurt—all of it stemmed from the word “motive,” but it stung unexpectedly.

“I misunderstood. I’m sorry.”

“If you’re curious, I’ll tell you. The reason I was nice to you today?”

He paused, and the look he shot at Yiseo seemed to slowly turn sharp. But it wasn’t true. With his lips sealed and his clear eyes fixed on the road ahead, Ryu Taejo’s face was as firm and smooth as usual.

His looks were so striking, and the confidence emanating from his eyes was enough to instantly intimidate anyone who compared themselves to him. These were the eyes of a person born with everything.

There was a certain dignity about him that couldn’t be explained in words. The kind of thing you see in people who have received the best education for a long time and have been polished as they grew up. Perhaps that’s why Yiseo found herself silently agreeing to the silence he initiated.

“Because appetite and lust are proportional. It wasn’t a motive; it was just a thought that I should eat.”

That was all. An impulse. Meeting and eating like this, and sleeping together last time. It was all an impulse. Only after hearing those words did her senses slowly awaken and become clear. Oh, so that’s what it was. An impulse, that’s what it was.

Yiseo finally understood his actions, which were like the wind passing by. For Ryu Taejo, appetite and lust were impulsive, instinctual things that happened when the time came.

It was something that shouldn’t have any meaning attached to it. Her buried memories were excavated again. The emotions she had hoped never to see again, the things that had softened, the heart that had briefly fluttered, and the disappointment that had finally plummeted like this—none of it concerned him.

She was the only one who felt all of this. He didn’t think anything of it. He could meet her and see her face so casually, say something like this, as if the past had truly been meaningless to him.

A corner of her calm heart was slowly becoming soaked in disappointment. What was this sense of deprivation? Had she been so excited by the warmth she hadn’t felt in a long time? A feeling of emptiness washed over her with bewilderment.

“Thanks to you, I’m in debt again.”

Yiseo muttered in a small, almost inaudible voice and leaned her head against the headrest.

So she had to repay it.

If you received one thing, it was proper etiquette to give one thing back.

“Do you still like sweet things?”

Suddenly, a long-forgotten memory came back to her: the fact that Ryu Taejo liked sweet things. She didn’t know why, but as her nerves became acutely on edge, the memories she had forgotten fit together like puzzle pieces.

“Since I got wine, too...”

“You don’t need to repay me. But I’ll accept an apology.”

“An apology?”

There was no great meaning to it. She just wanted to stick to the principle of giving something back if she received something. But at his crooked answer, Yiseo turned her head from the headrest and looked at him.

What apology?

She hadn’t done anything to deserve such a remark.

Her steady gaze rested on his profile, which was focused on driving without a flicker of movement. The sharp, elegant line from his forehead to the tip of his nose. In the darkness, his lips, which had so mockingly uttered whatever came to mind, were stubbornly sealed.

He always did this. Just when she thought it was enough, he would throw out something to stir up her feelings, then nonchalantly carry on as if it had nothing to do with him. Once she stripped away her emotions, all that was left was a handsome man. That made him even more annoying. This time, she thought she needed to correct his answer, even if it meant clinging to his words until the end.

“What do I have to apologize to you for?”

She asked in a more composed tone than before, and his fleeting glance met hers before moving away again.

“If you don’t remember, you’re shameless. If you’re pretending not to, you’re audacious.”

“Speak so I can understand.”

“Why did you run away?”

His cheeks and voice were still so calm as he asked in a low voice. And yet, she could tell he was thinking about that day.

“What do you mean?”

“That day.”

During that impulsive afternoon of shared transgression, after they had sex that was hotter and more intense than the midday sun, Yoon Yiseo had vanished. Like a mirage. When he came out of the shower, Yoon Yiseo was already gone. The only trace was the messy bedsheets. Recalling the silent room, just as it had been when she arrived, he slowed down the car. The car, which had been racing as if to tear the air, began to roll slowly.

“Anyway...”

Her voice, wavering in the dark as she chose her words, trembled. Whether she had just recalled that day or had been caught pretending not to remember, her voice cleared with an uncomfortable “ahem.” And for a long time, Yiseo said nothing.

“We didn’t have anything else to do, did we?”

Did she think that would be a sufficient answer? Taejo let out a low, dry laugh at her jumbled excuse.

“Ah, so it was enough because you had your fun?”

Perhaps that’s why he was being a little mischievous. At his uncomfortably probing question, Yiseo bit her lower lip between her teeth. A short sigh escaped her lips, laced with bewilderment. Taejo pressed on without a shred of guilt.

“I specifically remember going to the shower after seeing you soundly asleep. But when I came out, you had evaporated.”

Evaporated. It was true that she had left the hotel in a frantic state just like that. She was so out of her mind on the taxi ride home that she couldn’t even remember what she was thinking. When she got back and lay on her bed, she was sick for several days, and the memory of that night had also evaporated with her illness.

“Wasn’t that what we agreed on from the start?”

“Agreed?”

A small, dry laugh escaped his lips.

“It couldn’t have been that bad.”

“It’s already in the past, and I thought you wouldn’t dwell on the past.”

Her words, suggesting they should just drop the matter, were a response to Taejo’s persistent questioning.

He turned his head and slowly met Yiseo’s eyes. His penetrating, piercing gaze slowly traced her cheek and then moved down to her neck. Every place his eyes touched, where his lips had touched, tingled.

“It was my first time being... ‘eaten’.”

“...”

“So I’m asking. Did you like the taste?”

“You!”

Yiseo, with a look of stunned dismay, whirled to face him. To have such a personality, to be able to say something like that so nonchalantly. Her brow furrowed in an instant, but he just let out a chuckle. She had forgotten that he was the kind of person who enjoyed seeing people in a difficult position.

The moment she realized it again, the alcohol she thought had worn off came rushing back. The heat rising in her gut was probably due to shame. The face that she tried to keep composed felt as though it was turning red. She swallowed slowly.

To be honest, it was her first time, so she couldn’t tell. She only vaguely remembered that the end was good. Looking back, she was just completely out of it. Only his face, climaxing in some flash of sensation, revived like a spark.

Whenever she thought of that face, her heels would involuntarily tingle. She felt a certain dampness and heat inside her stomach. A hot and unpleasant feeling. Her peripheral nerves felt as if they were burning from this inexplicable sensation or emotion.

That feeling was unpleasant. The moment she recalled it, her normal life seemed to be torn apart by fragments of that memory. Her daily routine was instantly thrown into disarray, her reality shattered. That’s why she tried her best not to think about it.

It was a special day, but also not a special day. It was just one day. She had wanted to treat it like any other day, to bury it and move on. But memory, like a switch unexpectedly pressed, would flare up in spasms.

Instead of answering, Yiseo barely swallowed her ragged breath. She didn’t want to show even a speck of her bewilderment. That was her pride she wanted to protect until the very end.

“Was it not to your taste?”

“...Stop it.”

“Or was it just too good?”

“No, it wasn’t.”

She thought she had answered as normally as possible to his arbitrary remark, but when it came out, her voice was loud. At Yiseo’s flustered tone, his eyebrows raised slightly.

“Oh, really? Then it wasn’t.”

His agreement was terrible. “‘Then it wasn’t’?” It wasn’t an agreement, a dismissal, or an understanding. Why did that make her feel so bad? As she wrinkled her forehead, unable to hide her discomfort, his gaze briefly touched her tense cheek. Then, she heard a sound like air escaping in a low chuckle.

“Don’t laugh at me.”

That, too, made her feel bad. Annoyance was slowly spreading through her, mixed with shame.

“Oh, this one is out of enjoyment.”

The more he laughed, the more his laughter was etched into her sensitive nerves. What was this? It was a classic case of giving a little and getting a lot back.

“You’re enjoying this?”

“Immensely.”

“You’re really... an awful person.”

Thinking he was the first person like this she had ever met, Yiseo responded with a sighing voice and buried her head again. Ryu Taejo, who didn’t dwell on his thoughts, was clearly different from Yiseo. Yiseo would make a decision after thinking about it dozens, hundreds of times, and would repeat the process of swallowing and regurgitating her thoughts before they became words and she could commit to them. On the other hand, everything was too easy for Ryu Taejo. He would just open his mouth and blurt out whatever he wanted to say, and his thoughts crossed the line even more freely. She suddenly felt that it was all unfair and was steeling herself not to get caught up in it when he stimulated her again.

“Calm down. There’s nothing that makes a person look more ridiculous than getting all worked up because you’re angry about a loss.”

“You want to win, don’t you? Everyone does. How boring and uninteresting would it be if you kept losing?”

He spoke in a voice that seemed to be generously sympathizing with Yiseo, who lived a life he had never experienced. His words sparked her competitive spirit.

“Wanna make a bet?”

The unexpected suggestion was highly impulsive. But her desire to humble Ryu Taejo was genuine. She wanted to see his smooth face contort, crack with frustration, laugh in exasperation, and finally scream in anger. He had a knack for bringing out the most malicious corners of a person’s nature.

“You seem confident that you’ve humbled me just because we slept together once, but I’m not humbled yet.”

A smile played on Taejo’s lips as if her prim response was an unexpected counterattack.

“Then I’ll have to humble you again. How about tonight?”

Yiseo’s eyes visibly soured. Was sex the only way to prove things? Taejo, who was driving, looked utterly amused by her pathetic, annoyed expression.

Yiseo crossed her arms and stared straight ahead. She didn’t know why such a draining situation made her feel so unpleasant, as if her emotions were being torn to shreds and fed to someone else. She had never been swept up in this kind of emotional turmoil before, but strangely, Ryu Taejo brought out a side of her she didn’t want to know, a hidden depth she had kept well-concealed.

“If you’re so confident, then make me admit it.”

“Admit what?”

“Not with sex. Make me admit that you’re a truly decent person.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Then don’t bother if you’re not confident.”

It was a terrible, glib thing to say, but maybe that’s why she made the most unlikely thing a condition. A sigh, like a sneer, mixed with the cool silence. Her heartbeat, already quiet, began to pound erratically and loudly at the sound of his breath.

Compared to the countless days she had lived so transparently, this little scratch was nothing. So why did she have to go this far? By the time she realized she had been swept up in it again, it was too late. All she could do was gnaw at her lip at the belated feeling of emptiness.

“That’s not hard at all.”

He added in a light tone, as if manipulating a person or making a woman cry was nothing to him.

“Just don’t regret it later. I always finish what I start.”

“Go ahead.”

She could feel his gaze from the side, as if to make that point clear. A burning intensity, as if he were observing her closely, clung to her cheek.

A bet where someone had to win for it to end.

The beginning didn’t matter. All that mattered was who would be the one to smile at the end of this bet.

The air in the car, divided by their boundary, grew taut with tension. One side was intrigue, the other was defiance. Their breaths, of different natures, pushed against the other’s and eventually mixed together, top and bottom. The conversation of the two people, who were lost in thought as if they had made a promise, ended there.

It was still dark outside, and they had a long way to go. Suppressing the urge to get out of the car right away, Yiseo closed her eyes as the sign for Seongnam came into view.

________________________________________

That day, the world felt like it was melting in the scorching heat. A day where a fiery intensity was baked into the entire day. It was the kind of day where the air had been heated since dawn, causing sweat to bead on your forehead and making you feel uncomfortable even when you stood still.

Despite this, with the conviction that mental strength was physical strength, the PE teacher gathered the students in the gym and made them practice basic volleyball skills for a full hour. The gym was filled with the sound of balls being hit throughout the third period of PE, making their wrists and palms red.

Finally, the class ended, and as usual, the teacher called out numbers to have them clean up. According to the PE class rule of rotating cleanup duties every class, today’s turn was Jeong Soyoon’s. Her closest friend, who was normally very close to Yiseo, slumped to the floor and pretended to die the moment her number was called, as if the world was ending.

“Oh, what am I going to do? My stomach is killing me...”

“Why does that PE teacher always make us do his job?”

“Ugh, what a boomer.”

The complaints continued long after the PE teacher had disappeared. Soyoon, who had been grumbling with a pouty face, looked around at the balls scattered all over the gym and lifted her head. Her eyes fell on Yiseo, who was quietly waiting among her friends who had also been cursing the teacher. When their eyes met, Yiseo awkwardly shrugged her shoulders.

“Yiseo, could you help me out just for today? I’ll switch with you when it’s your turn. I’m on my period today, and my stomach hurts so much that I can’t move. Please?”

The memory of them laughing and happily tossing the ball to each other during PE class was still vivid, yet Soyoon’s face, as she linked her arm in a cute way and begged, was twisted in a look of distress.

“Yeah, how can Soyoon do all this by herself? You should help her out a bit.”

“Soyoon said she’d switch with you later. It’s not a difficult thing to do. Right?”

“Yiseo is so nice, right?”

All eyes were on her. Their gazes, which demanded her kindness as if it were a given, clung to Yiseo like a noose.

“Please. You know my heart, Yiseo? There’s no one but you who would listen to my request. You’re the only one for me. Just this once.”

Please.

Because you’re the only one for me.

Only you.

Only me.

Even though she knew it wasn’t true, the flattery moved her heart.

“Okay.”

“Eek! I love you, Yiseo. It really is only you. Then, I’ll leave it to you.”

Soyoon leaned on her friends, leaving everything to Yiseo, and exited the gym. Left alone in the gym, Yiseo began picking up the scattered balls one by one. Her hands, picking up the rolling balls and putting them into the yellow plastic box, were calm.

“Sucker.”

She knew it would end up this way. From the moment she joined the group of five centered around Soyoon, from the moment Jeong Soyoon started keeping her by her side like an accessory, she knew their relationships would be separated like oil and water, unable to mix.

In the quiet space, only Yiseo’s footsteps busily moved back and forth. The sound of the class bell made her hands move faster as she gathered the balls.

Just then, the gym door slammed open, and someone stepped inside. With heavy, resounding steps, they came in and immediately kicked the box where the balls were piled up.

CRASH!

The plastic box flew and tumbled about, and the balls that had been neatly arranged were scattered everywhere again. A single white volleyball rolled to a stop at Yiseo’s feet. Yiseo lifted her head.

“Ah, fuck!”

It was Ryu Taejo, bellowing like a beast and losing his temper. Dressed in a martial arts uniform as if he had just finished training, he couldn’t contain his anger and threw his top on the floor. His panting face was a sight to behold. Just as she was wondering if he had gotten into a fight with someone, he hurled the remaining balls. Yiseo simply watched him silently.

“...Haa.”

She had just finished cleaning it up. When would she have to clean it all up again? A deep sigh escaped her lips. Just as she was suppressing her rising emotions and reaching for the ball that had stopped at her feet, he said, “Hey, fuck. Get out.”

Their eyes met, and he glared at her, warning her.

“...”

“Why are you standing there looking stupid? Get out. All of you get out. Fuck, get out!”

A torrent of vulgar curses poured out. What was wrong with him? She didn’t know where he had been hit to be acting like a madman, but the burning rage in his flashing eyes was so intense that it made the hair on her neck stand on end.

Yiseo let out a soft sigh, watching him grind his teeth ferociously as if he was looking for a target for his anger.

“Then you clean it up.”

After a long stare, Yiseo said calmly and turned away. As she walked across the gym and passed him, the sound of him roaring “Fuck!” echoed loudly in the room again.

________________________________________

The car had been parked in Pyeongchang-dong for a long time. The woman in the passenger seat was sleeping soundly. He remembered how she had acted so nonchalantly, as if she wasn’t angry at all, on the entire drive from Wonju to Seoul. The woman who had talked about a bet had eventually fallen asleep in the silence, but even while sleeping, she was clutching the wine he had given her like a precious gift.

“Then you clean it up.”

“Wanna make a bet?”

He didn’t know why that past memory flashed through his mind as he looked at her deeply sleeping face. It was just one of the many days he had experienced with Yoon Yiseo. Just another day that had left an impression, just like today, recorded on a page.

Were the words she had spit out in defiance, surely fueled by spite, truly sincere?

Just then, Yiseo’s head tilted slightly to the left. Her neatly tucked hair fell, and her body, held by the seatbelt, slumped a little lower. Taejo, who had been watching her movements, reached out and pushed her head back into place.

“Mmm.”

Yiseo let out a low breath. When he stopped moving, Yiseo, who had been tossing and turning, took another deep breath. Was she dreaming? His fingers brushed against Yiseo’s cheek. Their body heat connected. In that moment, for some reason, heat rose from his fingertips.

It was Yiseo whose body temperature had risen from the alcohol, but it was unexpectedly Taejo who reacted to her soft breathing. He suddenly scratched her cheek with his fingertips.

The tingling sensation made her toss and turn a little more. Was she always this sensitive? No, if she was, she wouldn’t have fallen asleep after spitting out those defiant words. He let out a dry laugh at her, who was sometimes as on-edge as a cat, but now was sleeping so defenselessly.

He cupped Yiseo’s cheek with his large hand. He wasn’t trying to do anything to the helpless woman. His thoughts were just momentarily scattered by the sweet smell that wafted from her every time she breathed out. A sweet breath flowed from between her parted lips.

He remembered how sweet and intoxicating it had been to part her lips and consume them that day, just for one day, and a sudden heat rushed down to his lower body. Below, he suddenly felt a hard and uncomfortable expansion.

He carefully caressed Yiseo’s cheek, which was buried in his cupped palm. Yoon Yiseo, who was so indifferent that she seemed to not react to anything. But he knew how many emotions swirled beneath that mask-like face.

It was something he had witnessed countless times whenever her true nature, which she tried to hide from others, would suddenly appear. Was that why? That day felt even more like a dream. The sight of her shaking beneath him was nowhere to be seen; she was now so peacefully still.

As his hand gently stroked her soft cheek, his eyes fell on Yiseo’s breasts, which he had fiercely grabbed, and her chest, which rose and fell with each breath. A hot heat rose to his neck at the similar feeling.

He was momentarily lost in thought about whether he should stir things up a little more or just leave her be, a situation that wasn’t even a real dilemma, but then he took his hand away and turned on the music.

There’s no escape to heaven at the end of the world.

Only in my arms you will find the paradise.

I am Hades of yours, your paradise.

When he opened the window, the summer night air rushed in.

A hot wind, which made it feel like summer, blew.

It wavered.

His hair wavered slightly in the wind that was silently blowing in, and Yiseo’s loose hair wavered. Even so, his gaze, which was fixed on Yiseo, never fell away. He didn’t even know the reason himself.

The lips and eyes that spoke of a bet. The beginning of this encounter was clearly born from a bet with Kim Seonghyeon, but where it would end was a mystery.

Just then, Yiseo opened her eyes.

Her drowsy, half-asleep eyes quickly cleared as they met Taejo’s indifferent gaze.

“I’m sorry. I guess the alcohol made me lose my guard.”

Yiseo, who had come to her senses, quickly tidied herself up.

“It seems you do all the work alone.”

It was the same thing he had said to her when she was leaving work a little later than others.

Instead of answering, Yiseo ran her hand through her hair, grabbed her bag, and got out of the car.

“Yoon Yiseo.”

He grabbed her, who was rushing out of the car as if she had been flung out.

“The wine.”

“Oh.”

She had been clutching it tightly as if it were a precious gift while she slept, and now she was abandoning it like this? His gaze fell to the wine she had placed on her seat, as if telling her to take it. Yiseo belatedly reached for the wine. At that moment, he snatched her slender arm that had reached inside and pulled it.