MY - 50

It was very quiet around them. Perhaps because he had been standing outside for a long time, his hands were very cold.

Jiang Xi had been inside for a long time, and her palms were warm. Lu Nandu’s cold fingertips touched her skin. Perhaps he was worried about her being cold, so he withdrew his hand.

Jiang Xi saw everything but didn’t say anything.

Lu Nandu really didn’t want to leave.

Not to mention seeing her, he had been waiting downstairs for a few hours without leaving, even without seeing her.

He didn’t want to leave.

After a moment of silence, Jiang Xi asked, “Where have you been lately?”

When he heard her ask that, Lu Nandu’s eyes darted away slightly, and he said vaguely, “Nowhere, just... a little busy.”

Jiang Xi just stared at him.

Both of them were quiet.

When she didn’t speak, Lu Nandu met her gaze again.

Jiang Xi asked, “Busy with what?”

Lu Nandu was a little stunned. To be frank, Jiang Xi was apathetic and didn’t have any curiosity about many things. She wasn’t always willing to listen to what others told her, let alone actively ask them.

But now she was pressing him, even though Lu Nandu seemed unwilling to talk.

Lu Nandu was obviously a little surprised, but he still didn’t tell her the truth, even though he knew Jiang Xi might have already guessed.

He lowered his chin slightly, and his bangs briefly covered his eyes. “Busy with chasing you.”

Jiang Xi asked calmly, “Did you go for treatment?”

When her words fell, Lu Nandu was stunned. It took him a while to react. He looked up slightly, meeting her gaze from top to bottom.

Jiang Xi was very calm. She looked at him. “I’m asking you, did you go for treatment?”

Lu Nandu was slow to react. His thin lips parted, but he couldn’t say a single word.

He had not expected this kind of reaction from Jiang Xi. He had thought she might be disgusted, afraid, or would distance herself. He had never imagined she would be so calm.

It was as if this matter was just a small thing to her and wasn’t something to panic about.

Lu Nandu didn’t know what to say for a while, and it took him a long time to squeeze out a sentence. “Big sister, aren’t you scared of me?”

When he was out of his mind, he would classify her as an attack target and would hurt her, like an unstable bomb.

But Jiang Xi said, “You asked me that question last time, didn’t you?”

Lu Nandu, of course, knew what Jiang Xi had answered.

She had said he was a normal person, someone who wouldn’t kill or set things on fire, so why would she be scared of him?

This sentence was the only thing on his mind for the past month. He kept thinking that maybe Jiang Xi wouldn’t be scared of him even after she found out he was sick.

But he didn’t dare to gamble on that slim hope.

What if she was scared? He was afraid of her leaving him.

A faint streetlight was not far away. The shadows under the tree stretched long and short on the concrete ground.

Jiang Xi’s hands were in her down jacket pockets. Her thin lips moved. “Lu Nandu, whether you believe it or not. We may be different, but in a way, we are the same kind of people.”

She met Lu Nandu’s gaze. “We are on the same path. Why would I be scared of you?”

Lu Nandu might not understand, after all, he didn’t know what had happened to her that year.

But it was necessary for her to say these words to him.

Lu Nandu was extremely surprised.

Before he came, he had no idea Jiang Xi would have this kind of attitude. He didn’t even know if he would be able to see her again.

The streetlight was a short distance away. Under the faint light, Lu Nandu’s eyes slowly turned red, but he didn’t cry.

He tentatively moved closer to Jiang Xi.

It was too cold.

It seemed that the closer he got to her, the more alive he became.

She was the light.

Lu Nandu walked in front of her, slowly raised his hands, and his movements were not fast. He seemed afraid that the dream would shatter if he wasn’t careful.

He reached out and hugged her, his arms wrapped around her waist.

Jiang Xi didn’t move.

This seemed to encourage Lu Nandu. He hugged her even tighter.

“Big sister.”

Jiang Xi didn’t say anything.

Lu Nandu’s back was slightly bent, and he lowered his head and rested his forehead on her shoulder.

“Big sister, I’m sorry. I was planning to come back to you only when I was ready.”

His voice was filled with defeat.

“But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t help myself.”

He buried his face in the crook of her neck, his voice muffled. “I’m sorry. I miss you so much.”

Jiang Xi’s heart felt a little tight.

He said, “It’s my fault.”

It was his fault for not getting better quickly, for not being able to come back to her like a normal person sooner.

He wanted to protect her. He didn’t want to hurt her.

Jiang Xi was held tightly in his arms.

He didn’t tell her how painful or difficult it was, but Jiang Xi could feel that sense of powerlessness.

It was as if a lot of weight was on his back. He wanted to straighten up, but his back was being bent more and more each day. He felt powerless, helpless, and didn’t know how to find a way out.

Perhaps being sick back then wasn’t all bad. At least it gave her a better understanding of Lu Nandu’s sickness now.

Lu Nandu was holding her very tightly. His warm breath was on her neck.

Jiang Xi slowly raised her hands and wrapped them around his shoulders.

Lu Nandu’s body stiffened slightly.

Jiang Xi raised a hand and patted the back of his head.

“It’s okay. Haven’t we gotten to this point? You’re doing great.”

Lu Nandu’s mind was blank.

“What’s wrong,” Jiang Xi tilted her head slightly, her face resting on his temple. “Are you going to stop talking now?”

It seemed that only at this moment did Lu Nandu truly believe that Jiang Xi wasn’t disgusted with him. His courage also grew.

He tightened his arms around her even more, as if to meld her into his flesh and blood.

“Of course, I’ll talk. Why wouldn’t I talk? I want to talk to you for the rest of my life.”

Jiang Xi found it funny for some reason.

He said, “I thought you wouldn’t talk to me anymore.”

Jiang Xi listened to him quietly.

“Many people see me like this,” he paused. “They all say I’m a crazy person, a lunatic.”

“No one is like you.”

Jiang Xi asked, “Is that how you see me?”

Lu Nandu became anxious. “No way, I know you’re different from them, but...”

But he didn’t dare to take the risk. Jiang Xi was the only risk he couldn’t afford to take.

Jiang Xi didn’t continue asking.

Lu Nandu was probably in a better mood now. “Anyway, they’re not you. Who cares about them? I’m too lazy to bother.”

Jiang Xi didn’t know why this person was so easy to please, like a child who had gotten a piece of candy and was now smiling through his tears.

She slightly curved her lips.

It was late now. It was already past midnight.

After Lu Nandu calmed down, he remembered this. He lifted his head from Jiang Xi’s shoulder and looked down at her.

“It’s very late.”

Jiang Xi hummed.

He asked, “Are you going back now?”

“What else?” Jiang Xi said. “Stay out here and freeze all night?”

Lu Nandu looked into the distance and muttered softly, “I can’t bear to do that.”

He was even blocking the wind for her with his body. He couldn’t let any wind blow on her, let alone let her freeze in this cold weather.

Even though he was reluctant, he let go of her, looking very unwilling.

Jiang Xi found it a little funny. “Go back.”

Lu Nandu: “You go in first.”

Jiang Xi knew he wouldn’t listen no matter what she said. She hummed. “I’m leaving.”

After saying that, she turned to walk home. Lu Nandu said behind her, “Have a good dream. I hope you dream of me.”

Jiang Xi: “...”

What a childish person.

Lu Nandu watched her back.

At some point, Jiang Xi, who had her back to him, slowly stopped.

After a while, he saw her turn her head.

Jiang Xi looked at him. “Lu Nandu.”

“Can you do it?”

Lu Nandu knew what she meant.

He met her gaze and nodded after a long time. “I can.”

Jiang Xi nodded. “You said so.”

“Mm.”

“See you another day.” After Jiang Xi said that, she turned around.

Lu Nandu stood under the tree until he couldn’t see her shadow before turning to leave.

________________________________________

The second day of the Chinese New Year.

The Xia Xinyan family went back to their hometown. Their parents lived in the same city and weren’t very far away. Xia Xingming and Jiang Chi all went together, but Jiang Xi didn’t.

She contacted Xu Qingzhou.

Xu Qingzhou told her he was still living in the same place.

Jiang Xi drove to visit him, bringing some good tea with her.

Xu Qingzhou didn’t live in the bustling city but in a quiet, slow-paced town.

The town was like a broken carriage left behind by this fast-developing era, as leisurely as it was ten years ago. It had deep alleys with black tiles and small shops on the streets.

Some of the roads were still the same as before. Jiang Xi had a bumpy ride on the way.

She left in the morning and arrived around noon.

The weather was sunny today. The sun wasn’t too strong and brought a sense of warmth.

Based on her memory, she stopped in front of an alley. There was a small rusty iron sign on the wall at the head of the alley that said “Shifang Alley.”

Jiang Xi, carrying her things, walked into the alley. Most of the people here had moved away. Many of the lofts along the alley were empty.

An old lady was sitting on the doorstep, holding her one-year-old grandson. When the child saw Jiang Xi, he mumbled a few curious words.

The old lady recognized Jiang Xi. She seemed to always sit on the doorstep. Jiang Xi had met her many times when she came to see Xu Qingzhou before.

The old lady’s hair was white, and her face was full of wrinkles. “Girl, are you here to see your Teacher Xu?”

Jiang Xi stopped in front of them, her lips slightly curved. She hummed. “He didn’t go out this morning, did he?”

The old lady shook her head, speaking with an accent. “I haven’t seen him. It’s so cold now. He probably wouldn’t come out to suffer in this weather.”

In her arms was a little girl with big, curious eyes who was looking up at Jiang Xi.

Jiang Xi had never seen this child before. She was probably a child born in the last two years that she hadn’t been here.

The old lady lived alone. Her son and daughter-in-law had gone to work in another city. This girl was probably left behind by her children.

The little girl’s eyes were dark and round, and she was babbling indistinctly.

Xu Qingzhou liked to eat candy. Jiang Xi had brought some for him when she left in the morning. She took a few candies out of her pocket and handed them to the child.

The child wasn’t shy at all and grabbed her fingers with her soft little hands.

She was like a little angel.

Jiang Xi curved her lips and smiled at her.

The old lady also smiled and bounced her granddaughter on her lap. “This little girl is so good at finding people. She always finds good-looking big brothers and sisters.”

Jiang Xi smiled.

The old lady took her granddaughter’s hand away. “Alright, big sister is leaving. Don’t delay her.”

Jiang Xi handed a few candies to the grandmother. “Let her eat them during the day.”

The old lady took them and said to her granddaughter, “Say thank you to big sister.”

The little girl’s attention had already been drawn to something else. She was leaning to the side to look at other things.

Jiang Xi smiled and got up. “Bye.”

Xu Qingzhou’s house was at the end of the alley. It had an iron gate with green vines and a small duplex loft.

The courtyard gate wasn’t locked. Jiang Xi gently pushed the door open, and the old, rusty iron door creaked.

Jiang Xi: “Teacher Xu.”

No one answered from inside the house.

Jiang Xi didn’t go in rashly. She stood in the courtyard and was about to take out her phone to call Xu Qingzhou.

But a gentle yet casual voice came from inside the house. “Who is it?”

As the words fell, the door was also pushed open.

Xu Qingzhou, wearing a loose sweater and a pair of indoor shoes, appeared behind the door.

His facial features were delicate and gentle, and his skin was very fair. He was wearing a pair of gold-rimmed glasses. He saw Jiang Xi and smiled. “You’ve come to see your teacher.”

Jiang Xi smiled. “Long time no see.”

Xu Qingzhou: “It’s been a long time.”

He glanced at the weather outside. “The weather is nice. How about we sit outside and bask in the sun?”

Jiang Xi nodded. “Sounds good.”

The two of them sat on the rattan chairs outside and drank tea. Jiang Xi poured a cup of tea and pushed it towards Xu Qingzhou.

Xu Qingzhou was probably in his forties or fifties, and there were wrinkles around his eyes. He took the tea from Jiang Xi and said, “Do you have something you want to ask me?”

Jiang Xi was a little stunned at first, then she smiled a second later. “How did you know?”

Xu Qingzhou was a man of culture. His words were refined and comfortable. “I see that you’ve been doing well lately, so you probably don’t have any questions for me.”

He took a sip of tea, gently put down the teacup, and smiled. “It must be about someone else. Go ahead. What do you want to ask me?”