TEOTW - 15

On the morning of the deadline at the Seoul Main Customs Office in Nonhyeon-dong, five companies that had thrown their hat in the ring for the new downtown duty-free shop bid came one after another to submit their applications.

The first to appear was Managing Director Seo Kang-wook of Daehan Group, a duty-free powerhouse, with executives from Daehan DF. Ryu Jin-han also came with his father, who was the CEO of HSDC, and other executives to submit the documents themselves.

For Haesin Group, Tae-han, the Vice President of HS International, came with Tae-jo, who was in charge of the entire operation.

All the groups had been preparing for this new project, competing fiercely behind the scenes.

Daehan Group, which operated resorts in Incheon and other locations, emphasized culture and arts in cooperation with an entertainment company. Haesin Group, on the other hand, was aiming to secure the business license with a large investment and offered to return 15% of its operating profits to society.

Haesin HSDC, led by Jin-han, had completed renovations of guest rooms to attract tourists, with full investment from its affiliate, Haesin Department Store, and Haesin Hotel.

Because of the fierce competition for market share in the duty-free market, the companies that entered the restricted bidding had no choice but to be aggressive, and the companies that were trying to enter the market for the first time had to be even more fierce. The downtown duty-free shop business was a project that had to consider urban traffic problems, government policies, and contributions to economic and social development.

Companies were desperate to increase their market share, even acquiring and then returning licenses for stores in Seoul, Busan, and at the airport.

Out of the five companies, only two would be granted licenses. For Tae-jo, this project was his first venture into the business world and his first test to prove his capabilities.

As the deadline approached, he had no choice but to focus solely on work. He couldn’t even secure time to eat, let alone leave work, and all he could do was sleep for about three hours a day while changing into the clothes his secretary had prepared for him.

Tae-han, who would see things through once he got obsessed, would dump a mountain of work on him, and just when he was done, he would bring another truckload of work as if nothing had happened.

All the companies that prepared the documents probably went through the same process, but Jin-han, whom he met in front of the Customs Office, seemed more relaxed than usual. When their eyes met, Tae-jo froze at Jin-han’s handsome smile, who was the first to greet him.

“It’s the big day. Let’s do our best.”

The expression on Tae-jo’s face disappeared at Jin-han’s hand, who was smiling leisurely and holding it out for a handshake.

“I’m engaged. To Ryu Jin-han.”

Of all moments, Yoon Yi-seo had to come to mind now.

With those irresponsible words, Yi-seo said goodbye to him in front of the pitch-black sea that they had been to together for the first and last time.

“So this is the last time we’ll see each other like this today. Now, we’ll probably only see each other at family gatherings. Even so, I’ll… try my best to make sure we don’t run into each other.”

The moment he heard her calm voice, something hot rushed up from his chest.

No one in his family had told him the news. He knew it was an unwritten rule to carefully prepare for an engagement before it was reported in the media, yet Tae-jo was the only one who was completely excluded from the situation.

He could somewhat guess the reason why, but it was hard for him to think straight. So, he wanted to believe it was all a joke.

Seeing her face, which had lost all its color, he knew it wasn’t true, but he tried to ignore it. Yi-seo’s attitude, which had changed so much after they had been intimate with each other, was so heartless that he was dumbfounded and found it so absurd that he laughed. Then, he finally got angry.

“There’s a limit to how much of a joke you can play. That’s just low-class. Don’t think my family is the same just because you are. The wife of my cousin, who had sex with me, her brother-in-law? Don’t assume everyone is like that just because you grew up in a dysfunctional family.”

He had tried to stab her with a knife to hurt her, but he was the one who was left with a hole in his chest. It felt like he had been hit hard on the head, and it didn’t feel real on the way back. His judgment must have been clouded by his deep exhaustion, so they should have broken up when he was more rational.

“Let’s talk again later. No, there’s nothing to talk about again.”

It was an ending that Yi-seo had abruptly prepared on her own. Who said she could have it her way? That was ridiculous.

But Yi-seo’s silence said it all. The decision had already been made, and she had no intention of changing her mind. She was serious. The realization came late, but even after realizing it, he couldn’t accept it. The feelings he had gathered were burning like a lie.

“Yoon Yi-seo, are you in your right mind? Are you crazy? You have fun with me, and you’re getting engaged to my cousin? Fuck, are we going to be brothers-in-law? Do you think I’m going to just sit back and watch that happen?”

He suddenly felt miserable, wondering if she had been so affectionate in their final moments just to put an end to it. Thinking he had been played for a fool, he felt so pathetic that he couldn’t stand it. He ended up hating Yoon Yi-seo, who was saying such an absurd thing as, “A day will come when you too will think this is right.”

“I don’t need a nobody like you either.”

So this is what she meant by she wouldn’t do anything with me.

Even if he were to be grabbed by the collar and thrown into a mud pit, or pushed off a cliff, he wouldn’t have been so dumbfounded.

Just as Yi-seo couldn’t get out of the car for a long time even after arriving in Pyeongchang-dong, he couldn’t let her go for a long time either, and silence was all that was left between them for a long time.

He knew that if he just turned around, it would end like this, so meaninglessly.

“Yoon Yi-seo.”

Amidst the silence that weighed heavily on his chest, he just let more meaningless time pass, and then he finally shoved his hesitating hand into his pocket.

“Whatever. Go.”

You’re amazing, Yoon Yi-seo.

That moment, which was left with only a hollow laugh, was his last with Yi-seo.

Such a simple and easy ending. The meaningless and powerless final moment passed through his mind like a film, and his breath caught in his throat. Of all people, it had to be Ryu Jin-han. His anger flared up when his eyes met Jin-han’s, who was smiling so gently as if he had everything in the world.

“You’re so unsightly, smiling so early in the morning. It’s not like it’s a good thing for us men to see each other.”

Jin-han calmly observed Tae-jo’s cold face, who was chewing out the words in a low voice, and wore a pleasing smile.

“Tae-jo, you don’t look like you’re in good condition. Are you nervous?”

“Why would I be nervous about something like this?”

A look of disbelief passed across his lips.

Ryu Jin-han, who always snatched everything away. On the night Tae-jo went to the art center to get Yi-seo’s heart back, Jin-han went to his grandfather and snatched away his future with Yi-seo.

Everything was like that.

If I had been there, would Yoon Yi-seo have been mine in the end, too? The thought that the woman who had his traces left all over her body would become Ryu Jin-han’s wife made his blood run hot. His breath became rough before he even realized it. The urge to punch Jin-han in the face made his vision blur for a moment.

“I’ve set the date for the engagement. The second Saturday of next month.”

At Jin-han’s voice, who calmly delivered the news, Tae-jo’s shoulders swayed. The intense feeling of his vision shattering was a feeling he had experienced with Jin-han for the second time.

Tae-jo’s breathing, which was taking short, quick breaths, was uneven. His stiff face became so cold it looked like it would break, and the thick knuckles on the back of his hand, which was unconsciously clenched into a fist, turned white. Tae-han quickly scanned his brother’s face, which was much more downcast than usual, and as if to tell him to pull himself together, he patted his shoulder and offered congratulations instead.

“Congratulations. Jin-han, you’re becoming a married man too.”

“I’m a little late compared to you two.”

“Our family just got married early. This is a good time for you. You’re thirty-one and successful enough. Marriage isn’t something you should rush into, you know.”

“That doesn’t sound like something you, who fell so passionately in love and got married so easily, should say.”

Jin-han smiled gently at Tae-han, who had built a family with his friend Seo Eun and was still living happily with her. Amidst the friendly conversation, only Tae-jo was fuming. He was so frozen and detached from the conversation, like someone from another world, that it seemed better for him to just plug his ears.

“I hope you have good results.”

“Let’s both win.”

As if to finally offer his thanks, Jin-han bowed his head slightly to Tae-han, who was a year older than him.

“Let’s go.”

Tae-han was about to leave with the frozen Tae-jo when Tae-jo’s cold voice echoed in the air.

“Do you love Yoon Yi-seo?”

Tae-han and Jin-han both stopped moving and looked back at Tae-jo. His gaze, twisted and tangled like a knot, blindly pursued Jin-han. Like a bomb about to explode, an imminent sense of urgency filled Tae-jo’s pitch-black eyes.

Tae-jo, who was barely holding on, stubbornly closed his mouth and lowered his gaze to Jin-han. The youngest, who had the largest physique of all the brothers in the family, had an unusually fierce presence.

But Jin-han wasn’t pushed back. He looked leisurely at Tae-jo, who was a few centimeters taller than him, and slowly opened his mouth with an expression that seemed to know everything.

“I will.”

Not now, but someday.

For Jin-han, love was a problem that could be solved with effort. Marriage was a relationship that had to be based on trust first. Tae-jo’s breathing became rough at the look in his eyes, which shone with sincerity and confidence. His insides felt hot as if a hot lump was going down his throat. He couldn’t tell if the feeling that was surging like a fire inside him at his cousin’s words was an inferiority complex or jealousy.

Against Tae-jo, who was trying to suppress the emotions that were welling up and was taking somewhat short breaths, Jin-han stood his ground unchangingly like a sturdy tree.

Just then, Tae-jo raised his hand and irritably rubbed his forehead. His face, twisted with feelings of defeat and unpleasantness, looked like he would lash out at any moment. However, Jin-han’s gaze was not on his angry cousin, but on Tae-jo’s right wrist, which was irritably stroking his face.

The familiar platinum bracelet shone brightly in the sunlight. The strangeness he had felt when he saw it on Yi-seo’s wrist finally made perfect sense now.

Those two, just as I had suspected, were not a normal couple.

Jin-han finally became certain that there was some kind of relationship between them that he didn’t know about. His meaningful gaze lingered for a long time.

“To try to get married without even having feelings for her.”

“…”

“I don’t know if you’re reckless or ignorant.”

The teaching that love was the most important thing in marriage, and that love had to be the basis before a couple could be joined in matrimony, was passed down like a family motto, even if it was a marriage of convenience.

It was in such an environment that Tae-jun and Tae-han had built their families. In particular, Tae-han had repeatedly emphasized that he wouldn’t have been able to live without love.

It wasn’t that Tae-jo knew much about love, but when he thought about his older brothers and their wives who had upheld that way of life, and his parents who had raised three children with just love, Jin-han’s answer was something he couldn’t understand.

“You can have a relationship without love, but how can you get married without it? Is it really that valuable?”

“It’s an arranged marriage. A promise between two families.”

Jin-han, who had been looking at Tae-jo, who was spitting out prickly words, as if he was an oddity, opened his mouth.

“It’s possible because there’s a better premise than love. It’s different from dating, where the only limit you can give is love. I can give Yi-seo anything she wants.”

His eyes had already made up his mind. Jin-han thought of the woman who said she wanted to marry someone to whom she was everything, and answered seriously.

“Because she’s a woman who is worth it.”

His insides felt bitter. He had just been intimate with a woman who was worth it, in a meaningless moment.

He knew without even asking that Jin-han’s words, that he would treat her with care and give her anything she wanted, were sincere.

“You said you don’t even love her.”

“That’s not important. What’s important is how well we live after. I can’t make the same mistake twice, can I?”

Jin-han, who brought up his own past record of having his engagement with Song Hyun-jin of Jinsong Mulsan called off a year ago and never making it to the wedding hall, didn’t even flinch.

Sometimes, Tae-jo found those aspects of Jin-han to be displeasing. How could he be so calm about something that had happened to him? In the end, this marriage was nothing more than an accessory to him. A tool to make his life a little more grand. He had chosen to get married with the very tool that Yoon Yi-seo had hated so much.

“You’re going to make the same mistake again soon.”

“Ryu Tae-jo.”

It was Tae-han who stood in front of Tae-jo, who was crossing the line. As if he wouldn’t forgive him if he didn’t stop now, Tae-han pressed down on his brother with a sharp gaze.

“If they find out about this, especially with it being an arranged marriage, do you think they’ll grow fond of you?”

Jin-han, who had been calm until now, raised his lips silently and laughed at the calm but somehow twisted gaze.

“Well, that’s why I’m trying. She’s a good woman. So, Tae-jo, you should mind your own business.”

Jin-han patted Tae-jo’s shoulder and walked away first. Tae-jo’s face, which had been filled with a sneer, instantly turned cold.

________________________________________

The jazz club St. Claude Avenue in Cheongdam-dong has been a stepping stone for musicians since 1970. It was a jazz club with a deep history, to the point where any musician would want to stand on its stage at least once.

Sweet melodies flowed from the entrance of the jazz club, which had live jazz performances every day since it opened.

Wooden handrails followed the stairs down along a blue wall with a prominent golden antique pattern. The inside of St. Claude Avenue, which you entered by walking down the glossy wooden stairs, was a place with a wonderful harmony between the classic feel of the entrance and the modern interior.

Along the dark hallway, photos of jazz artists and LPs were hung, and a blue neon sign advertising St. Claude Avenue was twinkling behind the stage, where a piano, a double bass, and drums were set up.

As they entered with Jin-han, the manager quickly came over and led them to a booth in front of the stage.

“It seems you like places like this.”

“I try to go to performances from time to time. It’s just that I don’t have much time. Have you seen many performances like this, Yi-seo?”

“No. I’m an outsider when it comes to music.”

Yi-seo looked around the interior awkwardly and shook her head. She had been to many concerts, but this atmosphere was a little unfamiliar. And more than anything, the fact that the person next to her was Jin-han felt awkward.

“What do you think of it?”

“Hmm.”

The interior she looked around was a little noisy. It was a friendly place with the noise of artists performing as they set up their instruments before the show, and the sound of people starting to gather.

“It feels lively and free.”

Everything in the space felt alive, unlike her. She could feel the same energy from the vitality on the stage and from the faces of the staff walking around the booths.

“It will be a good time.”

His eyes, which were full of confidence, lingered deeply on Yi-seo.

The air and noise that floated inside the jazz club. It was awkward, but it wasn’t bad.

________________________________________

It started to rain in the evening. After passing through the damp night streets, Tae-jo, who arrived in front of a jazz club in Cheongdam-dong, extinguished the cigarette he had in his mouth with his foot and raised his head. St. Claude Avenue, illuminated by a blue neon sign.

It was where his friend Woo Si-jin’s birthday party was being held. He was tired and hated places with a lot of people, but he arrived late to accommodate the taste of Woo Si-jin, who was very interested in music.

It was past 8 p.m. and the second part of the performance had already begun, but he wasn’t particularly interested in leisurely watching a performance in a place like this. No, it was more accurate to say that he didn’t have the mental space to appreciate it.

Tae-jo passed the blue wall and walked down the stairs into the club.

When he entered the private room on the second floor where his friends had gathered, their faces lit up in welcome.

“Hey, Ryu Tae-jo. You still showed up.”

“Ah, why did you come? I bet 500,000 won that you wouldn’t.”

Jun-won, who seemed to have started a bet again as he often did, snickered and frowned at Tae-jo’s appearance.

“Happy birthday.”

Si-jin, who received the thin, rectangular gift Tae-jo had brought, tore off the wrapping and was shocked.

“Crazy. How did you get this?”

It was a first-edition LP of Louis Evans, which was now a thing of the past.

“Just.”

Woo Si-jin, who hugged the LP to his chest with his eyes wide open, couldn’t take his eyes off it as if he had received a treasure chest. It was the perfect gift for a guy who was so passionate about music that he would fly overseas to see a good performance.

“You should’ve come a little earlier. You missed all the good performances.”

Tae-jo let out a nonchalant laugh at Si-jin, who added as if it was a shame.

“Anyway, the first part was just standard numbers, so it wasn’t that fun.”

The second part of the performance, which officially started after 8 p.m. If the performance was a dish, the first part would be an appetizer, and the second part would be the main course where the real value was shown. Standard numbers were popular songs that people had heard at least once, and for jazz lovers, the second part of the performance was more meaningful than the first, which consisted mostly of those songs.

When he sat down, Jun-won handed him a glass of whiskey.

“What kept you so late?”

“Work.”

“The busy part is over, isn’t it?”

Jun-won, who knew that the new downtown duty-free shop bid had been successfully submitted, replied. The review period for granting the license would take about 60 days, and now all they had to do was wait for the results with some peace of mind.

Since the urgent matter was taken care of, there was no reason for him to be at the company until this late.

“Just clear your head. You don’t have to worry about anything for a while.”

As he silently brought the whiskey glass to his lips, a voice from beside him responded to Jun-won’s words as if he knew what was going on.

“Hyung Tae-han must have put you through the wringer.”

“It’s obvious that Daehan and you guys will get it.”

“You never know.”

“You guys will get it. The Patent Office won’t give everything to one group, so the one who has the existing rights has the advantage.”

“That’s something we’ll know when we see the results.”

Tae-jo downed the whiskey in one go and wiped his lips. He hadn’t been very interested before coming, but now that he was in a noisy place, it wasn’t so bad.

He had been feeling hollow and unable to focus on anything after he had slammed the brakes on his life after running himself to death. He chose to come here because he thought it would be better for him to meet someone and spend time without thinking.

However, amidst the swing jazz melody that was flowing in, his gaze gradually turned sharp.

The man and woman in a booth right in front of the stage on the first floor, beyond the glass railing, looked familiar.

It was Ryu Jin-han and Yoon Yi-seo, who was sitting next to him.

“Ah, your cousin is here too.”

Someone added, also looking at the place where Tae-jo’s gaze was fixed. Everyone’s attention was drawn to the affectionate couple, whom you would inevitably see if you looked toward the stage.

Yoon Yi-seo was so noticeable that you could pick her out right away no matter where she was.

The woman he had tried so hard to ignore was smiling gently at the end of his gaze. Tae-jo’s body stiffened as he stared at her.

“Speaking of which, I heard Jin-han hyung is getting engaged to Yoon Yi-seo. I found out from an article. Wasn’t she dating you?”

Someone’s voice came to him. The thoughtless question was like a knife. Tae-jo, who was silently looking down with an unfocused gaze, as if he was staring at his prey, said nothing.

Kim Seong-hyun, who had been watching the situation from among the group, looked at Tae-jo with narrowed eyes. He hadn’t shown up at gatherings for a while after Tae-jo had disappeared with Yi-seo at the 60th birthday banquet.

Just as everyone thought Tae-jo was dating Yi-seo, Kim Seong-hyun also thought so. In the meantime, the engagement article was announced, and Kim Seong-hyun, who realized that he wasn’t the only one who lost the bet, came out for the first time in a long time to confirm the facts.

“Yoon Yi-seo is really something. I was wondering who she would end up with after all those blind dates, but she finally hooked a Haesin.”

“I know. She was probably weighing her options with both Haesin Group and HSDC in her hands.”

“It looks like this guy was dumped.”

Despite the snickering, Tae-jo remained quiet. However, he had an expression as if he was about to attack the booth on the first floor at any moment. He ignored the chatter around him and just watched the two people, who looked like an affectionate couple, as if he was monitoring them with his glaring eyes.

As if explaining something, they were talking to each other with their heads close, but Jin-han moved closer to Yi-seo, as if he couldn’t hear her over the noise. It was nothing special—Jin-han was whispering something into Yi-seo’s ear, and she was leaning her head toward him. It was what any couple would do. However, that insignificant scene made his hardened heart crack with a crisp sound.

“You said that last time, too. Don’t you think you should get a shaman to perform a ritual for you? How is it that every woman you get involved with ends up with Jin-han hyung….”

“Watch your mouth.”

At his chilling voice, Woo Si-jin gave an awkward laugh and closed his mouth.

He was leaning back on the sofa with his legs crossed, and a sense of dominance was overflowing from him. Jun-won thought that his demeanor was too fierce, unlike his usual self, and watched the atmosphere.

“Come on, man. Why so serious? It’s true, isn’t it? Is there anyone here who doesn’t know that Jin-han hyung and Hyunjin noona’s engagement was called off last year?”

“Why are you bringing up Hyunjin noona here? That’s all in the past.”

Jun-won, who had sensed the dangerously fierce atmosphere, cut off the oblivious Si-jin’s words.

“That noona liked Tae-jo, didn’t she? Or was she Ryu Tae-jo’s first love?”

At that, his stiff lips twisted.

“First love?”

When Tae-jo turned his head, Si-jin shrugged as if to say, Wasn’t she?

“Is there anyone among these guys here who has something like that? We’re just a bunch of guys whose d*cks get hard from biological reactions.”

Tae-jo laughed at his friends, who were talking about first love as if it were some great emotion.

Song Hyun-jin was just one of the people he hung out with. He didn’t know if she had feelings for Tae-jo, but it was true that she was especially friendly toward him. When she would come to Korea, they would sometimes go skiing together in the winter, and she would also join them when they raced cars. Then she suddenly pushed for an engagement with Jin-han.

They were on good terms, no more, no less.

However, the woman, who was about to get engaged to Jin-han, suddenly said she wanted to study and left for another country after calling off the engagement without any notice.

Was it after a certain night when she had called him out and was lost in thought for a long time, saying they were getting engaged?

There was a lot of talk about it, but it had nothing to do with him. Jin-han also didn’t seem to have any feelings for her, aside from his obligation to an arranged future. It was a relationship that was supposed to happen because the timing and what they had to give and take were right, but it fell through because the calculation was off.

But first love?

He supposed it made sense that people would misunderstand, since she was the woman he had met most frequently among all the women he had hung out with.

However, the term “first love” was completely out of place for a woman who had left no memories for Tae-jo.

He had never experienced the feelings that others called a hazy first love, the fever-like emotions that you suffer through. He thought as he raised his glass that he would probably never be weak enough to be swayed by his emotions in the future either.

He’s a man who has never truly loved anyone, so what would he know?

“Yeah, this Ryu Tae-jo. He may be everyone’s first love, but it’s not like a guy like him would know what love is.”

Jun-won was right.

A guy like me wouldn’t know what love is.

Tae-jo kept his gaze downward and just swallowed the whiskey.

________________________________________

When the first part of the performance ended, the atmosphere inside heated up and then mellowed out. Yi-seo met the eyes of Jin-han, who seemed a little excited and immersed in the music.

“You said you had something important to tell me.”

It was Jin-han who had deliberately created this meeting. She had made time for him at his insistence that it had to be today, but she had actually planned on telling him about the things that had been weighing on her mind all this time.

This was the reason why her heart had felt heavy even with Choi Seong-hee’s farewell before she came to meet him, who said that she was finally acting like a proper child.

Before the engagement ceremony, Jin-han had the right to choose. No matter how much she thought about it, she felt guilty about just moving on without acknowledging her relationship with Tae-jo. Yi-seo was prepared to respect whatever choice he made.

“Actually, I have something I need to tell you too.”

At that, the smile disappeared from his generous face.

“Is it something I absolutely have to know?”

“Yes.”

The man who had always smiled like a boy seemed a little sharper than usual, as if he already had a premonition.

“If I can choose, I would prefer not to hear it.”

“But…”

“You don’t need to confess your sins.”

Yi-seo’s expression froze in surprise. Does he know? How much? Her heart, which had been pounding before her confession, began to beat wildly. Jin-han continued.

“I’m the kind of person who thinks the past is the past. It’s not like I don’t have a past either.”

“…”

“You just have to not live in the past.”

“But…”

“You don’t have to be truthful at every moment.”

The gaze that cut across her face lingered for a long time.

“Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. We just have to fulfill our obligations as we promised.”

Obligations, I see.

With that one word, she understood why he was so blindly committed to this marriage. After one broken engagement, he too had something he needed to overcome. Making a failed marriage finally happen.

It was a cowardly thought, but she might have hoped that Jin-han would show his emotions first. However, he remained unshaken, making her determination to accept anything seem pointless.

She felt like she was cornered.

Again, darkness fell inside, with the exception of the stage. The passionate trio of piano, double bass, and drums began. And soon, a female vocalist holding a trumpet came out and stood in front of the microphone.

The powerful sound of the trumpet rang out like a ship’s horn. It was a signal that the passion was reaching its climax, a prelude to the main act. But why did that sound remind her of the night sea she had gone to with Tae-jo?

“There’s so much I want to do with you.”

On that day, when all there was was a darkness no one knew about. A moment they had shared by the sea full of stars. The cold sea breeze that wrapped around her body and brushed her cheek, and the warm hand that held her as if to warm her cold skin. He had pulled her wrist and held her in his arms and seemed to have smiled for a moment.

“If the stars can’t make your wishes come true, I will. What’s so hard about that?”

Yi-seo froze at the sudden memory that came rushing in. Instead of the sweet and exciting music that had been playing just a moment ago, the sound of waves came rushing in.

“Do you hate me that much?”

No, she didn’t hate him. Sadly.

“Don’t meet any other man.”

She shut her eyes tightly. As she tried to catch her breath in the pitch-black darkness, a wave of applause rang out.

On that night when she made a wish, the wish that he would make come true if the stars couldn’t, was fulfilled that very day.

It was a moment when they burned hot in the wind and then distanced themselves as if it were nothing, a moment when even silence felt too precious to break away from.

While she was lost in the past, her eyes blank, everything in front of her turned bright white. The humming sound in her ears, as if she were underwater, gradually began to become clearer.

When she came to her senses, the female vocalist on the stage was saying something to Yi-seo and Jin-han. Everyone’s eyes were on them.

Jin-han was calm, but for some reason, he was full of an unknown confidence. Only then did Yi-seo realize that a pin light was shining on their booth, like a falling star.

“Once in a life time, if you are lucky, you will find someone who makes you a different person.”

“To become part of someone special, that’s something worth holding onto until the end.”

“Because that is where you will find the meaning of your existence.”

“And today, we can witness a great joy of two people becoming part of each other.”

Just then, a small cake with a large flower and a lit candle was served on the table like a gift.

When she looked up in surprise at the unexpected event, Jin-han, who had finished all the preparations, took out a ring. Yi-seo looked at his hand, which was reaching out to her as if asking her to accept his proposal, with trembling eyes.

“Come on.”

When she hesitated at his soft urging, he took her hand. A ring was put on Yi-seo’s trembling finger. Beeeep, a celebratory whistle and a round of applause erupted.

The rectangular emerald-cut diamond sparkled on her finger. The elegantly polished diamond ring was as beautiful as if it had been made just for Yi-seo.

“We can do this.”

He confessed with all his sincerity, as if he would not tolerate any other obstacles now.

Yi-seo’s eyes, which were blankly fixed on the glittering diamond ring under the brilliant light, soon began to shake with confusion. A faint fear could be read in her wavering eyes. It was not the expression of a bride who had just been proposed to, but of a prisoner who had just been put in shackles. But Jin-han didn’t mind.

“Let’s forget the past and start anew with me.”

He kissed the back of her hand and whispered. Again, cheers and applause. After the solemn kiss, the female vocalist’s voice rang out through the speakers.

“You can do better than that. Kiss the bride to be!”

Jin-han shook his head at the mischievous vocalist.

“I’d rather save that for later, just us.”

“Such a gentleman. The night is young, enjoy your time together.”

And a celebratory song began for the two of them.

My life has changed since I met you, it’s like heaven.

Yi-seo suppressed her agitated heart at the sincere confession that was sweetly ringing out in the room.

It was a night that should have been remembered as beautiful amidst all the blessings, but the lips that she had barely managed to force a smile with were trembling as if in a spasm.

For some, it was a night like heaven, and for others, it was a night like hell.

________________________________________

Interest was focused on the booth in front of the stage.

Beeeep, the cheers from the floor above with fingers in their mouths were no different. Another person’s proposal was just a good show. The same was true for Tae-jo, who was watching them calmly with his arms crossed as if he were watching a movie.

It was just something to see. But he couldn’t just enjoy the show like the people around him who were all excited. His heart, which was pressed down by his crossed arms, was beating wildly. Even though he had maintained a cold expression that no one could penetrate, it felt as though he would explode at any moment if anyone were to touch him.

“Wow, Jin-han hyung is such a romanticist.”

“You should watch and learn. That’s how you propose.”

“I approve of Yoon Yi-seo.”

The voices of his friends, who were adding a word or two and evaluating someone else’s proposal, were annoying. Even though he had downed all the whiskey left in his glass, his insides didn’t calm down.

“Do women like it when you propose like that?”

“It’s not about the proposal like that, it’s about the ring like that.”

“Diamond, noted.”

Amidst the snickering voices, Kim Seong-hyun, who had been quiet all along, raised his head.

“I knew she would be like that. All vain with nothing to her name.”

The humming voices stopped at his words, which were like throwing cold water on them. Kim Seong-hyun’s words, which were a criticism of Yi-seo whom he didn’t even know that well, came out with a sneer.

“A vulgar bar girl’s blood, what can you do? In the end, she spread her legs and got a ring…”

He wasn’t trying to scare them on purpose, but Tae-jo was unusually quiet today. So it felt even more ominous.

Jun-won, whose eyes met Tae-jo’s, was in the middle of thinking that something bad might happen today. At the same time, Kim Seong-hyun’s hair was grabbed, and his head was slammed into the table. KABOOM. With a loud crashing sound, Kim Seong-hyun’s forehead was cut open, and blood gushed out.

It happened in an instant. Tae-jo had slammed Kim Seong-hyun’s head and thrown him onto the sofa. The room instantly became a mess.

“Say that again.”

Tae-jo, who was on top of Kim Seong-hyun, who was bleeding profusely, grabbed his head and asked again. His face, which had been cold and stiff all along, was now seething. His gaze was unfocused. Kim Seong-hyun’s torn face was clearly reflected in his eyes, which had lost all reason.

“Why, were you with her, too?”

Even while bleeding, Kim Seong-hyun managed to pull up his busted lip and laugh. As soon as the sneering voice finished, Tae-jo swung his fist. He held Kim Seong-hyun’s head with one hand and mercilessly threw punches with the other. The blood that gushed out splattered on the sofa and the wall. There were shouts to stop him. He had a force that was difficult for even two grown men to handle.

“You crazy bastard, stop it!”

Jun-won hugged Tae-jo and barely managed to pull him away from Kim Seong-hyun and shouted. Kim Seong-hyun’s face, which had been instantly turned into a bloody pulp, was covered in blood clots. Even so, Tae-jo, who didn’t seem to be appeased, picked up an ice bucket and threw it. With a loud noise, the ice bucket rolled on the floor.

“Let go.”

“Are you out of your mind, you bastard! Snap out of it.”

“Just let go for a second.”

“You crazy bastard. Why are you acting crazy toward Seong-hyun?”

“I won’t act crazy, so let go.”

It was a lie. Tae-jo’s face, which had already lost all reason, was horrifying. His eyes, which showed no emotion, were like his voice, which showed no emotion. He would have no time to gauge another person’s pain.

The moment Jun-won let go, hell would break loose. It looked like he was about to throw off Jun-won, who was clinging to him, and charge at Kim Seong-hyun. A murderous aura beyond anger was clearly visible in his large, heaving body. Si-jin and his other friends then stood in front of him one by one.

“Take him outside. This bastard is really going to cause a scene today. Hey, Seong-hyun. Are you okay?”

Si-jin waved his hand while shaking Kim Seong-hyun to check on him.

“Let’s go.”

“Ha.”

“Let’s go.”

The moment Tae-jo was barely being dragged out by Jun-won, Kim Seong-hyun laughed over the shoulders of the men who had rushed to separate them.

“You’re nothing special either, you pathetic bastard.”

When their eyes met, Tae-jo lost his reason and lunged at him. With a strength that was difficult for even several people to handle, he stomped on Kim Seong-hyun. This was the first time he had done this since he had taken off his school uniform, so everyone was flustered and breaking out in a cold sweat.

Merciless kicks rained down on Seong-hyun. He tried to fight back, but his punches were no match for Tae-jo. In the end, his friends pulled Tae-jo off Seong-hyun, who was unilaterally curled up and getting beaten.

“Get Ryu Tae-jo out of here now!”

“Fuck!”

Tae-jo, who was being dragged out by Jun-won, finally yelled. The music that filled the club was festive, regardless of the commotion upstairs.

A cool breeze blew outside the building. The night air was quite cold, but it was a good temperature to cool down.

“What happened?”

Jun-won pushed a cigarette into Tae-jo’s mouth, who was breathing roughly, and swept his hair back. He looked completely exhausted, as if he was drained just from trying to stop the fight.

His tie was ripped off, and his shirt, stained with Kim Seong-hyun’s blood, was fluttering in a disgraceful manner. Jun-won scanned Tae-jo’s shirt, which was soaked in someone else’s blood, with a disgusted look and muttered.

“You crazy bastard.”

Tae-jo, who still hadn’t calmed down, let out a puff of cigarette smoke like a sigh.

“Why the hell are you doing this?”

He hadn’t been drinking enough to do something like this, and there was no reason for it. His eyes, which couldn’t understand his friend who was suddenly lashing out as if he had lost his mind, were clouded with a mix of bewilderment, absurdity, anger, and then finally, worry.

“Is it because of Yoon Yi-seo?”

Tae-jo just smoked his cigarette without answering the question.

“Were you serious about her?”

His gaze, which was directed toward the empty air, was cold. His eyes, which showed no regret or anything else, seemed to have wavered for a moment.

This was the first time Tae-jo had shown such a side of himself. He had watched Tae-jo for 20 years, but Tae-jo had never caused a problem because of a woman. Maybe if someone had touched his pride, or if someone had dared to touch his belongings, but he wasn’t the kind of guy who would get so emotional because of a woman. So why was he acting like this?

“Are you crazy?”

Jun-won shook his head as if he couldn’t understand, looking at Tae-jo, who had nothing to say as if he wished he were.

“Of all days, on Si-jin’s birthday.”

“Tell Si-jin I’ll apologize later.”

Just as Tae-jo was about to crush the cigarette and pass Jun-won, he grabbed him.

“Where do you think you’re going looking like that?”

Seong-hyun grabbed Tae-jo, who was trying to leave. His fist, which had beaten up Seong-hyun, was torn and a mess.

“Go get your hand treated. I’ll go buy some medicine.”

“It’s fine.”

“What do you mean it’s fine, you son of a bitch. Listen to me.”

“I’m fine, so mind your own business.”

“Bullshit. Your knuckles are all torn up.”

Jun-won, who was looking at his fist covered in his own and someone else’s blood, turned away in annoyance.

“There’s a pharmacy across the street. I’ll be right back, so wait here. And calm down, don’t wander off on your own.”

Jun-won swore at the empty air as if to vent his anger and hurried off to a nearby pharmacy.

Finally, he was left alone on the night street.

In the cool breeze, Tae-jo raised his head to look at the sky. The red sky, which had just rained, was even darker than when he had first arrived here.

The stars were hidden by the clouds, and the moon had also disappeared.

The red and dark stained sky was similar to his own shattered state.

Suddenly, a laugh escaped his lips. The music flowing from the underground club was still sweet and cozy, making everything feel so hollow.

He slowly closed his eyes and took a breath. His vision, which had gone dark, spread out in pitch black, and then Yi-seo came to mind. And Jin-han, who was next to her, also appeared. The sight of her whispering with him and holding hands in the dim light. The way her eyes were slightly trembling.

Is that what you wanted?

The sight of her being imprinted as someone’s existence in front of so many people was vivid in his mind. She grew up without ever receiving love, so it was possible that she was starved for affection.

It has nothing to do with me. He tried to dismiss it, but he failed. It felt like a large coffin was piercing through the center of his hollow chest. Even though he let out a long breath, his breath caught again.

“I’d rather save that for later, just us.”

I’d save that for later, just for the two of us.

The heat in his eyes returned at those words. A pitch-black gaze lingered in his wide-open eyes. Soon, an emotion darker than that gaze, a mix of obsession, jealousy, or even a madness that transcended them, swayed within him.

Would Ryu Jin-han whisper ‘I love you’ to Yi-seo with the same lips that he used to solemnly kiss the back of her fair hand?

Would Yi-seo, enchanted by those sweet words, offer her lips to him just as she did to me?

Her kind eyes toward Jin-han. His heart ached unpleasantly as he remembered the way she had looked at him, a gaze he had never received himself.

An empty laugh escaped his lips at the strange and unfamiliar feeling.

Why? Do I… like her?

Me?

He twisted his lips.

I just feel disgusted because someone touched what’s mine.

Jealousy? That’s ridiculous. There was no way he would like Yoon Yi-seo enough to feel an emotion like that. There was no way, yet it was hard for him to control the feelings that were surging within him.

He thought he had been suppressing it all this time, but the moment the man and woman from that place came to mind again, the moment he saw Yi-seo receiving affectionate looks and touches from another man, Tae-jo, who had been standing normally, swayed.

It felt as though his legs would give out at any moment, as if someone had cut his knees off.

“I’m engaged.”

Did she say she loved him?

“You said you don’t even love her.”

“That’s not important.”

He doesn’t love you.

And yet, their gazes toward each other were so natural. The sight of them being blessed in front of so many people seemed only natural. What if it had been him instead of Ryu Jin-han in that place? The vague assumption soon swelled into a specific fantasy in his mind.

The fantasy of putting a ring on Yi-seo’s finger amidst the blessings of the people and kissing her soft cheek instead of the back of her hand. The fantasy of Yi-seo whispering that she loved him and smiling at him. A relationship that was acknowledged by everyone, not one where they met secretly in the dark, where they would have sex in a hurry and turn away meaninglessly.

Following the trajectory of his memory, every moment unfolded like a mirage.

Ryu Jin-han’s place. The place that could have been his, no, that should have been his. Ryu Jin-han’s place that had stolen Yoon Yi-seo. That was originally mine.

When the jealousy that was rising like a fever reached the top of his head, his heart sank. It felt like he had been hit with a shock, his vision went white, and his breath caught in his throat. Even in that moment, there was only one thought.

I wish you would tell me that you like me.

I wish you would smile at me like that.

You shouldn’t love anyone else, Yoon Yi-seo.

You should be affectionate toward me.

The uncontrollable wave of emotions came crashing down on him late. Only shattered feelings were left in his wrecked mind. It wasn’t that he hated her being touched by another man. It was that he didn’t want her to be taken away. He had thought she was naturally his.

Naturally.

He raised his hand and wiped his pale face. His lips, which he had unconsciously chewed on, were busted, and he could taste the salty blood in his mouth.

It should be me who calls out to Yoon Yi-seo, who touches her, who shakes her, who can kiss her soft and sweet skin and put his lips on hers and breathe into her.

The reality that he couldn’t do that anymore made him feel as if his entire body was shattering.

He had thought he had handled it well by just clearing his mind whenever Yi-seo came to mind while he was working, and by just calling her on the phone even when he wanted to run to Wonju and see her face. He had calculated that once he was recognized for his work, he would have a wider range of options.

But that was his own delusion. He felt as though he had been hit in the back of the head by his own complacency.

He had sworn that he would never get involved with her again after their hollow final moment. The short time he spent with Yoon Yi-seo was a memory that wouldn’t even be a handful in his life. Someone who he would eventually forget who she was as time passed. So she should have meant nothing to him.

If something wasn’t wrong with him, this shouldn’t be happening. As his unstoppable thoughts continued, his large, bony chest swelled up and down roughly. It felt as though his entire body was being preserved while his mind was being dismantled. Just as he was confused whether the extreme dizziness was due to his uncontrollable emotions or a delusion, he heard footsteps from the entrance below.

“Are you sure you don’t need to go to the hospital?”

“Yes, I’m fine.”

“Don’t just keep saying you’re fine. Because you don’t look fine at all, Yi-seo.”

“I’m just a little dizzy. I just need to go home and rest.”

Yi-seo, who was being escorted out by Jin-han, stopped at the entrance when she saw Tae-jo standing there with a pained expression. When their eyes met, her already pale cheek turned even more white and stiff. And following Yi-seo’s gaze, Jin-han’s eyes, which had found Tae-jo, instantly became sharp. For a brief moment, the air in the space where the three of them stood seemed to freeze.

Soon, he saw Tae-jo with his blood-stained shirt and messy appearance, and his eyes narrowed.

“What happened?”

He hurriedly took a step closer and lifted Tae-jo’s bloody fist to examine it.

“It’s nothing.”

Tae-jo, with a face full of a mix of annoyance, anger, and emptiness, shook off Jin-han’s hand.

What kind of fcking situation is this?*

His unorganized emotions were tangled up in his rough eyes and his stubborn cheeks. Even while doing that, his gaze naturally fell on Yi-seo. Yoon Yi-seo, who was looking at him with a confused face a few steps away.

Why are you making that face?

She looked at Tae-jo with a confused face as if she was about to cry, but she soon came to her senses and turned her head away from him.

“Did you get into a fight?”

“What?”

Even while he was catching his breath as if it was nothing, replying to Jin-han, Tae-jo stared intently at Yi-seo. Her expression was erased and her face was stiff, showing that she wanted to get out of this situation as quickly as possible.

At his gaze, Jin-han politely pulled Yi-seo closer to his side. He unknowingly clenched his fist at Jin-han’s hand, which was wrapped around Yi-seo’s slightly trembling shoulder as if to calm her down. The force he put into it was so strong that his knuckles turned white, and the painful wound opened up, making him feel a burning sensation. But his insides were tightening even more hotly.

“If there’s any trouble, I’ll contact Attorney Moon…”

“It’s fine.”

A lump of emotion filled his throat and then was grudgingly swallowed. The moment he waved his hand at Jin-han and let out a long sigh, his wandering gaze stopped at the fourth finger of Yi-seo’s left hand. The diamond ring on her finger. The wrist where a bracelet should have been was smooth.

Did she... take off the bracelet?

Tae-jo’s eyebrows slowly lifted. His pitch-black eyes slowly opened as if peeling off a shell and then shone with a clear intensity.

“Are you really okay?”

Despite Jin-han’s concern, he just stared at Yi-seo.

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine. My mood is just all over the place.”

A belated sense of betrayal came with a feeling of emptiness. Tae-jo deliberately put a cigarette in his mouth and exhaled white smoke like a breath, as if to make her hear him.

“Go.”

Because he didn’t know what he would do if he kept looking at that sight.

He frowned and waved his hand, and Jin-han patted him on the shoulder and walked past him, telling him to have fun and leave. Yi-seo passed by. The familiar scent of flowers, the sweet scent that came from Yi-seo’s body, only lingered in the air for a moment. The scent of Yoon Yi-seo, which had filled his lungs, was soon swept away by the cold city night air.

When their footsteps were far away and completely inaudible, he crushed the cigarette that had burned down to his fingertips.

Why isn’t it me who’s taking you home right now?

Why wasn’t it me who was sitting with you in the club?

A powerless laugh escaped his lips at her indifferent gaze that ignored him until the very end and turned away, but then the heat rushed to the top of his head again.

It was the same heat as the first time he had ever felt so hot in his life, when he had encountered Yoon Yi-seo in the gymnasium a long time ago.

Was that love?

He let out a hollow thought and mocked himself.

A dumbass who can’t even distinguish between anger and love.

The emotion he had felt when he saw Yi-seo next to Jin-han was anger. But this heat that was making his head dizzy as he chewed on it was love. Laughably, he was in love. A long one-sided love that he hadn’t even known about, which had started in the gymnasium at the age of eighteen.

________________________________________

Paradise was still paradise.

Standing in front of the magnificent artwork, Yi-seo, as always, fell into it with a yearning heart. As the date approached, the desire to run away and the desire to endure it well coexisted. Looking at Jin-han, who told her to forget everything and be with him, she could no longer enforce her own thoughts.

She had to endure now. She had to experience it and overcome it. It was something she had to get more and more used to as she lived her life.

She had tried to pull herself together, but in fact, her heart had been even more troubled since Jin-han’s proposal. So she spent more and more time standing in front of Paradise.

The only place where she could find solace. Spending endless time in that place where no one could disturb her was the only breath and joy Yi-seo could have right now.

“They say anyone can be happy if they go to the end of the world.”

Is that really true?

A place where anyone could be happy.

Etching the phrase, “Tomorrow is another day, that paradise will soon be yours,” into her eyes, Yi-seo quietly suppressed and extinguished the fire in her heart.