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The rain, which had been falling until dawn, had stopped by morning. From early in the morning, they had left the villa and roamed around all day. Like a couple in love, they looked at the sea and walked along the beach, enjoying a quiet day. It was in the afternoon that they discovered a small gallery by the sea and were entranced to enter it.
There were only a few paintings, but it was a cozy place.
Eight paintings were hung in pairs on the white painted walls. Yiseo stood quietly in front of a painting that exuded a gentle color palette.
Most of the paintings captured the scenery of this place. Taejo, from behind Yiseo, who was carefully appreciating the paintings, stared at her.
“Do you like paintings that much?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Because they’re free. Looking at a piece of art feels like a journey. It’s the easiest way to reach places I’ve never been.”
Taejo asked again at her simple answer.
“Where do you want to go the most?”
“The end of the world. They say there’s a paradise there, where anyone can be happy. If I can, I want to earn the right to be happy.”
He let out a small laugh as if to say he knew it, and took a step closer to Yiseo. Yiseo, whose eyes were still on the painting, opened her mouth.
“What would you do with it after you get it?”
“Be happy.”
His uninspired answer somehow sounded like he was unhappy now, and Taejo’s eyebrows tilted.
“Shall I take you there?”
Nevertheless, his low voice was kind. Yiseo turned her head to look at Taejo. His eyes, which met hers, were sincere. Yiseo looked at him, as calm as a quiet landscape, and smiled.
“No. I think I’m okay now.”
Because I’m happy now, at least.
It was funny that this moment, which felt so distorted, was a happy one.
Perhaps in the future, she might bitterly regret this choice. However, for today, for just a few days, she didn’t want to think about anything else, even if it meant being selfish.
Taejo quietly stared at Yiseo, who was smiling brightly. Had Yoon Yiseo ever smiled like that? His heart thumped and began to beat erratically at the smile he was seeing for the first time.
Her eyes were slanted, and her lips were raised to meet them. After seeing that expression, he had nothing else to wish for. He felt like he wanted to give her anything. This is what love is.
He realized that love was ultimately about giving everything for the other person.
It was natural for his heart to grow day by day, moment by moment, because it was love.
He had believed that there was nothing more foolish than showing his heart to someone and admitting his feelings and being swept away by them, but all of that was wrong.
There was nothing more foolish than losing someone in the end because you didn’t give it your all. There was nothing more foolish than living with leftover feelings because you hadn’t given everything.
If the person who loved more was the weaker one, he was willing to become the weaker one for Yiseo. For the only person for whom nothing would be too much to give.
Taejo, who was quietly looking at Yiseo, raised his hand. The gallery owner carefully approached and stood by his side.
“Are the paintings here for sale?”
“Yes, all of them are for sale.”
“I’ll take all of them.”
Yiseo turned her head in surprise at his indifferent instruction. He added simply.
“It’s a gift.”
He wanted to give her not just this, but anything. Anything that Yiseo’s eyes touched, anywhere they lingered, no matter what it was.
“You don’t have to.”
“Take it. If you don’t want it, you can donate it.”
His desire to give had no end, so he felt he had to do it this way to feel at ease. Even though he was doing it for his own peace of mind, he secretly wanted to give her at least one of the landscapes that would remain in her heart.
“I told you I can do anything for you.”
Seeing him chew on and spit out the words he had once said, Yiseo slowly shook her head.
“You can.”
His determined demeanor was firm with conviction. The gaze that stubbornly looked at Yiseo’s wavering eyes was the same. At that moment, Taejo pulled Yiseo into his arms. He crossed the line and quickly moved in, their lips intertwining. With her bewildered face hidden by his large back, he kissed her for a long time.
From beyond the open gallery entrance, the sound of a stray cat meowing could be heard. After a long time, he took his lips off hers and whispered as if to get a promise from her.
“For today, just think about me.”
In the breaths that were filling her lungs and the gazes that were pouring down on her, Yiseo just nodded.
Even without doing anything, the day passed quickly. It was so fast that she felt a sense of sadness. They walked barefoot on the sandy beach, ate cotton candy sold on the street, lay in the sun, and watched the sunset.
They walked along the road, counting the stars that appeared in the night sky like any other couple, watching the horizon burn red and then gradually turn black.
They were just holding hands and walking, but she had nothing else to wish for.
Is this what happiness is?
She was sad all day, thinking that she wished nothing would change.
They didn’t talk about their future plans at all. She was vaguely aware of how they would resolve things afterward and how they would live, so she naturally kept her mouth shut. She didn’t want to pour cold water on this happy moment.
She knew exactly how Taejo would react if she told him about the broken engagement. He was already acting as if they were the only two people in the world, and the world they had barely managed to calm down would start shaking again from its foundation.
Thinking that she just needed to be happy for a little while by his side to prevent that from happening, Yiseo cut off her lingering feelings.
Because it’s brief, it’s more precious. It was only desperate because she thought it would be over after today. It was a relationship that could only be a poison to each other anyway. She knew well enough that it was a relationship where they would devour each other and ultimately be left with only painful results.
I guess this is how my first love passes, so painfully.
She tried to comfort her throbbing heart and decided to think that way.
Even if it was okay for her, she couldn’t ruin Taejo’s life for her own sake. Their discordant hearts had only just aligned, but she didn’t need to put Taejo on the chopping block just to fulfill her own desires. She genuinely didn’t want that to happen.
“I wish the world would stop.”
“Should I have it preserved?”
Taejo gripped Yiseo’s cheek and looked at her with a gaze that was nothing but sincerity.
Preserved. It was very like him, even as a joke.
“It must be good because you can’t hold on to it.”
Yiseo answered in the warmth of his hand, which was wrapping around her cheek as if he knew that it was more precious because of that.
“It’s like a longing. You look at it, and at some point, you get lost in it and get confused. But it doesn’t last long. There comes a moment when reality hits you in the head. And then you realize that all those dream-like moments were just a dream.”
And so you become frustrated, you realize, and you become indifferent.
“Don’t realize it. Just keep living in the dream.”
“How can I do that?”
“You just do what you want to do, and live the way you want to live. Oh, is it because Yoon Yiseo is an easy mark?”
“Yeah.”
It was a joke, but seeing her agree so readily, Taejo’s lips twisted into a smile.
“I don’t know where the rumor about you being so high and mighty came from. Yoon Yiseo’s pride is on the floor.”
Taejo’s eyes gently slanted as he chewed on the past he had once been so passionate about, saying he didn’t know where such a rumor had started.
“But what do I do, since I still like you so much?”
Her heart sank at the low voice that was conveyed to her ear.
“Now, no matter what you do, it’s all good to me.”
“People will criticize you if they find out.”
“Let them. What does it matter what other people say?”
She shook her head at the thought that he had no plan, but she also felt strange, as if she had been implicitly drawing a future with him all along. In the face of the overwhelming sense of hopelessness that covered her heart, Yiseo couldn’t help but pull her lips up in a faint smile.
At that moment, the night wind blew. A gaze full of affection poured down between the strands of hair that were scattered by the cold wind.
Taejo reached out and gripped Yiseo’s wind-swept hair. The long strands of hair caught on his fingers. He was twirling her hair around his fingers without any meaning, when he suddenly opened his mouth.
“Want to run away?”
“...”
“Go to a place where no one is, and live just the two of us.”
Seeing Yiseo freeze, he still leisurely twirled her hair around his fingers.
“If you think it’s too hard to bear, you can. And if I say that, you will say.”
His hand, which was holding her hair, quickly wrapped around the back of Yiseo’s head and pulled her toward him.
“‘Yes, let’s do that,’ right?”
A dry laugh escaped him.
“Did you get it?”
He put his head close to hers and looked at her, adding playfully.
“I’m only going to ask you one more time. Answer me well.”
“...”
“Want to run away?”
His urging gaze was gently wavering. He knew she wouldn’t say no. As if to play along, Yiseo nodded, and his lips curved languidly.
“...Yes, let’s do that.”
He pulled the back of her head and kissed her forehead, saying, “I’ll take you.” As their intertwined fingers clasped each other again, it felt peaceful yet ominous, cozy yet heartbreaking.
“Where should I take you?”
“To a place you want to go.”
“Then paradise. Because you’ll want to go there.”
“...Yes, let’s do that.”
He kissed the back of her hand, kissed her wrist, and kissed every place he could touch as they walked in the night.
The more she felt Taejo’s blind love, the more her heart ached. Seeing Taejo, who was betting everything on her, she suddenly remembered her own mother, who had ruined the lives of one person and the people around them.
Of course, it wasn’t the life she had wanted, but how many lives had been ruined by her choice?
Nevertheless, she wanted to believe the things Taejo was saying and wanted to pretend to be crazy and follow him.
“From now on, don’t try so hard to endure. You can just stay behind me.”
“You want me to use you as a shield?”
He nodded and added.
“I have a plan.”
“What kind of plan?”
The family’s opposition was a natural course of action, and it might be that, as Iheon had said, he would have to bet everything. The moment he decided to break free, he was also ready to lose. Both the company shares that would come to him and his role at Haeshin.
He hadn’t prepared for this day, but he still had a considerable amount of investments made under someone else’s name through M Holdings without his family knowing, just in case. All of this was thanks to the help of Jeongheon, who was like a brother when it came to his affairs.
“I never thought I’d come up with a plan like this. I thought there would be no such thing as love worth betting my life on.”
He let the words slip out as if making a wish, chasing the stars in the night sky.
“But I did, so you’d better stick close behind me. Don’t fall behind.”
He lowered his head diagonally and emphasized, as if confirming a promise.
“We have to be together.”
As if it was no longer a choice to be made alone, he signaled a beginning at the dead end she had thought was the end.
________________________________________
She had a deep sleep for the first time in a long time. In her sleep, her fingertips fumbled around, feeling empty. Taejo’s eyes suddenly opened. Yiseo, who had been curled up in his arms like a baby until dawn, was gone.
“Yiseo.”
He called Yiseo in a cracked voice, but the room was quiet.
“Yoon Yiseo.”
The quiet silence was ominous. Taejo quickly got up. The bedroom was a mess from their lovemaking. Everything was scattered, and nothing was in its normal place. He hurriedly pushed open the bathroom door and confirmed that the kitchen and terrace were also empty.
“Hah...”
His eyes narrowed with a sigh.
Did she leave without a word?
Yiseo was the one who, even in her sleep, had gently held his hand, which was unconsciously gripping hers. He ran his hand through his hair in a daze and turned on his cell phone, which he had turned off and thrown somewhere. Even the short moment it took for the power to turn on was irritating. Messages poured in like a bomb.
“I’ve broken off the engagement. - 5:48 AM”
There was one missed call and a short message from Jinhwan. At that moment, Taejo, who was about to grab a cigarette and put it in his mouth, froze.
Broken off the engagement? So did she go alone to resolve things at dawn? What did she expect to hear? If she was going to go, she should have gone with me. Amidst the complicated situation, he couldn’t help but smile.
“What is it, Yoon Yiseo? Why did you make me hear such good news from someone else?”
As he stood in front of the mirror, about to chase after Yiseo with a wrinkled brow, his own reflection in the mirror felt so unfamiliar. His relaxed face was foreign and awkward. Nevertheless, his lips curled into a smile, unable to hide his true feelings.
________________________________________
The cool morning air brushed against her cheek. She had been wide awake the entire time she had left the villa and hurried back at dawn. She couldn’t sleep properly because she had been watching Taejo, who was sound asleep, in the dark all night.
Taejo, who was soundly sleeping by her side, was like a baby. He didn’t even stir when she brushed his cheek or pinched his cheek with her finger. It all felt like a dream, and she didn’t want to close her eyes.
Just for a few hours, just for a few minutes.
She wanted to take in a little more before she left his side.
At dawn, when the murky darkness was pushed away and the sun was about to rise, she carefully covered him with a blanket and hurried out of there. She was worried about leaving him alone, but she remembered him saying that someone would come to pick him up in the morning. It was better not to be seen if possible.
It was time to return to reality.
Yiseo entered the familiar alley of Pyeongchang-dong with a calm yet gloomy feeling. She had caused a huge mess, so she had to deal with the consequences. Now, she was confident that she could face any resolve. She took a deep breath before parking the car in the garage and climbing the stairs. When she opened the door after mustering up her courage several times, a slap suddenly flew at her.
“What kind of child are you!”
Smack. Yiseo’s body staggered from the slap on her cheek. A burning pain flashed, and the enraged roar of Yoon Daemyung immediately tore through her ears.
“What in the world have you been doing outside that you came home with news of a broken engagement just days before the ceremony! And where have you been hiding all this time!”
As she grabbed her cheek, which was hot with shock, his sharp gaze pierced through Yiseo as if to split her apart.
The sudden news of the broken engagement had been conveyed two days ago in the evening. Since the Haeshin family’s sudden call last night, the house had been in utter chaos. With the one-sided notification of the broken engagement, saying they were sorry, Yoon Daemyung looked for Yiseo. However, her phone was off, and she had been unreachable for three days.
The anger that Yoon Daemyung had been holding in finally exploded when Yiseo, who was supposed to be at her engagement ceremony that morning, returned home.
“What in the world has this grown woman been doing outside that she even turned off her cell phone?”
Yoon Daemyung, who couldn’t stand it any longer, grabbed Yiseo by the collar and pressed her. As her body floundered in the air, Iheon, who couldn’t bear to watch, separated Yiseo from Yoon Daemyung.
“Father, let’s hear what Yiseo has to say first.”
Yoon Daemyung let go of Yiseo as if to say she should be thankful he didn’t throw her away. However, his hands, which were pulling down his tie, were still rough. He was grinding his teeth fiercely and breathing heavily, without the sanity to suppress his anger.
“If you have a mouth, speak! Why have you been out of contact all this time!”
“I’m sorry.”
“Do you think ‘sorry’ is going to be enough for this?”
Choi Seonghee, who appeared late due to the loud commotion, approached with a tense expression. The aftermath of Yiseo’s absence for several days seemed to have been quite severe, as Choi Seonghee’s face was a little gaunt. However, she added with a face that hadn’t lost its composure.
“See? I told you. I said nothing would happen.”
Choi Seonghee scoffed as if to say it was all for nothing and scrutinized Yiseo.
“Did you have to cause such trouble?”
“...”
“I seem to remember telling you to be careful that day.”
After the glass was broken and she had left, her ominous apprehension had finally become a reality. It was something she had somewhat expected. Choi Seonghee’s lips twisted into a smile.
“You wouldn’t have caused this alone. Whose doing is it?”
Her level voice was chillingly calm. When Yiseo remained silent, Choi Seonghee walked over and suddenly lifted Yiseo’s blouse. Traces of bruises followed the line of her neck, barely hidden by the thin fabric. The moment she traced them, Yiseo hastily pulled her collar together.
“What a worthless man to not even be able to speak about him, tsk.”
Choi Seonghee, who had been frowning, clicked her tongue. Contempt, disregard, and anger. The fierce, concentrated gazes were cold.
He had somewhat expected it, but Yoon Daemyung was grinding his teeth at the fact that the broken engagement was ultimately due to a relationship problem.
“What an ungrateful, foolish child who doesn’t know her place. I don’t need a child like this, get her out of here now!”
Iheon’s attempt to stop him and Choi Seonghee’s indifference. It was all suffocating. As the fierce glares and loud noises continued, her fingertips began to get cold, as if something was lodged in her stomach.
Nevertheless, Yoon Daemyung rolled up his sleeves and continued to scold her. By his side, Choi Seonghee fiddled with her fingertips like a complete stranger, letting her husband’s angry words pass through one ear and out the other.
“If things go wrong, it’s basic manners to come and let us know what happened and why. You’re not a two-year-old, do I have to tell you things like that? Did you know that while you were out of contact, your mother received a call from them saying they were breaking off the engagement and has been sick in bed ever since? Do you know that she couldn’t sleep and was about to report you missing while waiting for you? How can a grown woman not know how to tell right from wrong! Tsk.”
“Where would that blood go?”
Choi Seonghee, who had leisurely blown on her fingertips, raised her head and looked at Yiseo. The stale emotions were reflected in her eyes, which looked at her as if she was worthless and had given up all expectations. Hatred and contempt that she had believed were gone, and the wounds of her youth that would never disappear, no matter how much time passed.
Choi Seonghee’s silent gaze was more hurtful than any other words. It was as heartbreakingly heavy as seeing her father, who had never once raised a hand to her, being disappointed for the first time.
It was only natural for her family to be dumbfounded. The greater their expectations, the greater their disappointment.
“If you were a boy, I would have made you half-crippled. You terrible child. Hand over your card and your car keys right now.”
Yiseo silently took out her car keys and card from her bag and placed them on the table. Yoon Daemyung roughly confiscated them.
“Don’t give this child anything anymore. An ungrateful child who doesn’t know what gratitude is, is no child of mine.”
Her heart pounded violently in the midst of the threatening atmosphere, as if to say she should be grateful he didn’t slap her again.
The unpleasant pounding grew more and more intense, and the pain that had been festering in the middle of her chest swelled like a snowball. She could no longer endure the pain that was squeezing her chest after holding it in, stepping on it, crushing it, and enduring it, and Yiseo opened her stubbornly closed lips.
“I chose to do it.”
“What?”
“The broken engagement. It was my choice.”
The room became quiet as if cold water had been poured over them at her low confession.
“So I’d like you to respect that.”
Yoon Daemyung’s frozen eyes trembled. Choi Seonghee’s sharp laughter scattered over the silence. The fierce glare and silence once again passed by as if to cut her neck, and then a shout tore through the air.
“Respect? A choice? What kind of spoiled brat talk is that? Did you not think about the harm your family will suffer because of your selfish thoughts? You foolish child, you uneducated child!”
“I did it because I wanted to live.”
Yoon Daemyung, who had been shouting and suppressing his anger, raised his eyebrows at her weak voice.
“What?”
“Of course, I know the method was wrong. But, Father, I’ve lived my whole life doing what you told me to do, haven’t I? I’ve never once been ambitious about my own life and just did as I was told.”
Her eyes suddenly became hot. A sense of resentment rose from within, but it wasn’t because she was afraid. Even though Iheon’s voice, which was trying to stop her, was painfully ringing in her ears, Yiseo couldn’t stop.
“So. You’re saying that after all the clothes and food we’ve given you?”
“Until now, I just thought that since I grew up that way, getting married and being a help to the family was all there was to my life. I believed that I had to do anything to be a help to my family.”
“Who in this family isn’t like that?”
“Yes. That’s why I thought it was natural to live that way, Father.”
Yiseo raised her tear-filled eyes and stared directly at Yoon Daemyung. Her challenging demeanor, which was unlike anything he had seen before, didn’t falter.
“I want to live for myself.”
She had already made her decision.
“I want to cherish it.”
My life, my heart.
Her desperate eyes were trembling. Please, let my heart reach him. Let my sincerity be conveyed.
However, the moment she saw his hand rising again, she realized that everything was impossible in this place, which was made of control.
________________________________________
At the end of the commotion, Yoon Daemyung left the house in a rage, and Yiseo was deprived of the opportunity to express her desire for freedom. Things that were natural for some people were things that Yiseo couldn’t even reach as a wish.
Between duty and responsibility, irresponsibility and pain. She had never once moved on her own volition since the day she was born, since the day she came to live in this house, and for the 26 years that had passed.
The moment she realized that the things she had taken for granted were no longer natural, she wanted to escape from this cage-like house.
Her stomach was churning. Her heart, which was pounding from her miserable feelings, wouldn’t calm down. Was it so wrong to want to cherish her own life? She couldn’t forget the looks in her father’s and Choi Seonghee’s eyes, which had written off her life as a complete failure. Yiseo poured water from a water bottle with a trembling hand.
“Ugh.”
Perhaps due to extreme stress, she dry-heaved at a single sip of water. In the end, she gave up on eating and drinking and lay down on the bed. Her father’s face, which had been hardened with rage, his shocked eyes slowly widening, and then being enveloped in a flame-like anger, was vivid in her mind. It was a good thing that Iheon’s intervention had stopped him from slapping her again.
If you were going to be like this, why did you even take me in?
Did you just take me in to use me as a tool?
Distrust turned into resentment, which then turned into hate.
“Where would that blood go?”
A cold wind blew into her heart, which had been broken by Choi Seonghee’s words, which had finally revealed her true feelings. It was a hurtful thing to hear, even if she knew it, and it was a phrase she never got used to hearing.
Just then, the door opened with a knock. It was Iheon.
“Can we talk for a minute?”
Iheon carefully stepped inside and approached Yiseo’s side. Yiseo, who had sat up on the bed, had a pale face.
“Were you very shocked? Everyone was worried because we couldn’t get ahold of you for several days. Of all times, your phone was off. It was so bad that I had a hard time stopping them from reporting you missing. They were just very shocked, that’s all.”
Even as he defended his overly aggressive parents, Iheon’s eyes, which were scrutinizing Yiseo, who had become gaunt in just a few days, were filled with concern.
“Were you with Taejo?”
“Yeah.”
His eyes, which had already expected the answer, sank in a heavy silence.
“What are you going to do now?”
Silence returned instead of an answer, but Yiseo, who was deep in thought, was surprisingly calm. As if she had already made a decision. Iheon couldn’t bring himself to ask what it was. Instead, he opened his wallet and took out a card and car keys, and held them out to her.
“Use these for now when you need them.”
He added without showing his true feelings, even as he worried about his sister, who had just rebelled for the first time as if stretching her wings.
“Whatever decision you make, tell me if you need help.”
It sounded like he was offering to save her from an abyss, and moisture welled up in Yiseo’s eyes.
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