NILWM - 52

He finally stopped moving a long time later. After kissing her forehead, eyelids, and other parts of her wet face and catching his breath while sucking on her lips, he soon lifted her pelvis with both hands.

As her hips were lifted, her ankles rested on his firm shoulder blades. Hng, the moment a shallow moan escaped her lips, his cock pressed in again. Yeseo’s breathing became ragged from the pressure that filled her in an instant.

“Wait, wait a minute...! A little slower, Sunbae...”

He kissed the inside of her lifted knee instead of answering. The thrust of his head all the way to the front of her cervix made a shrill scream fill the room.

“Ugh, Sun, so deep...! Aaah!”

The sofa creaked mindlessly. The furniture, which had been squeaking and screeching in tune with the sound of their bodies slapping together, shook more violently, scratching the floor. As they neared their climax, Yeseo’s cry-filled noises also grew louder.

“Yeseo... Hnng...!”

His orgasm was slow and intense. Even after he had completely finished, he held Yeseo tightly and didn’t let her go. Her breathless, limp, naked body was stained with the fluids he had just released.

________________________________________

She couldn’t remember how many times they had sex that night. When she barely opened her eyes at dawn, Yeseo was alone on the bed.

“Sunbae...?”

Yeseo barely managed to get her sticky, naked body up and put her feet on the floor. Her body, from head to toe, was stiff and aching, and all her muscles were creaking like a broken robot. Her throat stung from all the moans and screams she had let out.

“Sunbae, where are you...?”

Han Juhyeok wasn’t on the first floor either. When she picked up her phone, she saw a text message that had arrived a few hours ago.

[I’m sorry. I have to go; something urgent came up. Something happened at home, so I think I’ll be busy all weekend. I left my card behind, so order something with it and stay here and relax before you go.]

Something happened at home?

Worry took over, thinking it might be bad news. Yeseo hastily grabbed her phone. And after a moment of hesitation, she sent a text message. She wanted to call, but she couldn’t because she thought he might be busy.

[Sunbae. Nothing bad happened, right? Is someone sick?]

A reply came back quickly.

[No. My uncle’s company had a security issue.]

A sigh of relief escaped her. At least it wasn’t a health issue, so that was a relief.

[Sunbae. So... we can’t see each other tomorrow either?]

She sent another text, but no reply came back. She waited for a long time, but the “read” notification didn’t appear either. Yeseo got up from the sofa and went to the kitchen table. Every step she took, a pained groan escaped her lips.

His card was placed all alone on the table. The empty officetel was utterly desolate without even the sound of a machine. A belated feeling of bewilderment washed over her. The sudden free weekend was embarrassing.

All weekend? It’s Saturday morning, so does that mean I can’t see him again until he goes back to his base on Sunday night?

Hah. Yeseo sighed and sat back down at the table. It was their first reunion in three months. She was flustered. She had thought they would sit across from each other, eat together, and talk about his military life, if it was hard or not, and this and that.

I can’t help it. Something came up at home.

Her mind told her she should, of course, understand. But her emotions couldn’t. Yeseo stared at his card on the table, then got up again and went to the bathroom.

Her footsteps were heavy as she came out of the bathroom, changed her clothes, and headed home. Tears welled up in her eyes again, and her gaze was fixed on the ground.

If we had talked a little more properly last night. If we hadn’t just had sex from beginning to end... Then I wouldn’t feel so disappointed.

________________________________________

Han Juhyeok now came out of the base every Friday and called her to his officetel. And the same situation was repeated every week.

Intense sex continued from Friday night to Saturday morning. And at dawn the next day, she invariably woke up in the empty officetel. The content of his texts was also the same. The reasons he gave were various: startup work, a family event for Parent’s Day, an alumni meeting, and sometimes he didn’t give a reason at all.

Just like that, May flew by, and when he contacted her on the last week as if it was a routine, Yeseo didn’t go to the officetel. Instead, she replied, asking to meet at the cafe on the first floor of the building. That was three hours ago.

“What’s wrong? You could’ve just come up and we could’ve talked.”

“Every time you open the door, Sunbae, you always immediately... you don’t even give me a chance to talk.”

She lowered her voice a lot because she was embarrassed to use such graphic expressions in a public place. A faint sigh escaped from Han Juhyeok’s lips. She couldn’t tell what the sigh meant.

“What is it you want to talk about?”

Han Juhyeok pressed his stiff neck and smiled faintly. But the smile was short-lived, and his eyes wavered darkly as if shrouded in a veil. His gaze thoroughly hid his true feelings.

“Sunbae. I’m going to speak frankly without beating around the bush.”

He folded his arms and leaned back in his chair as if he was willing to listen. Unconscious arrogance and lethargy were ingrained in his entire body.

She suddenly realized. Han Juhyeok would only show his affectionate and devoted side, like a normal boyfriend, when she was at her most vulnerable. Or at the moment when she revealed everything about herself, without a speck of pride or self-esteem.

For example, when she had left a voicemail saying she was having such a hard time and wanted to give up. Like on the day she had cried in front of him, tears she had never shown anyone else. Not like now, when she was keeping her distance and her face was serious.

“I know you’re busy with your military service on weekdays and your startup on weekends, Sunbae. I’m relieved and grateful that we can at least meet for at least one night on the weekends, I really am.”

“...”

“But this... this doesn’t feel right.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

His tone was calm and even, and his eyes were still unreadable. The people who had been sitting at a nearby table just left, so there was no one around. Yeseo lowered her voice and got straight to the point.

“As soon as we meet, we go straight to the bed, and when I wake up, I’m alone. It’s always the same routine... I don’t know if you think this is normal or if I’m the only one who thinks something’s wrong.”

His face still looked like he didn’t understand what the problem was.

“You’re not saying you don’t like sex itself. Are you complaining that we don’t do anything else together besides sex?”

His tone was gentle. It wasn’t sharp, but there was no warmth either. At the graphic word, Yeseo blushed and agreed meekly.

“I don’t expect us to do anything amazing together. I just want to have a real conversation, even for a little while, but when I wake up, you’re never there...”

“I understand what you’re saying, but I hope you can understand for the time being. I want to have a proper date, too, but I have so much on my plate right now. There’s also pressure for me to come into my uncle’s company and help out after I’m discharged, so it’s a complicated time for me in many ways.”

Yeseo chewed on his answer for a long time. For some reason, it didn’t feel sincere. Of course, his military service, startup work, and career 고민 of whether to take over the family business must have been true. It didn’t feel like a lie.

But it didn’t feel like the real reason. Why? If her gut feeling was right, the subtle distance she was feeling was stemming from something else. But she didn’t know what it was exactly. It was a subtle sense of uneasiness that felt just out of her grasp.

“It’s not about having a proper date... Of course, I want that too, but like I said, since you don’t have time, it’s okay for us to just be together for one night. But we don’t say a word, and we only do... that until you have to leave in a hurry at dawn. As if that’s all you want from me.”

She bit her lip in self-deprecation. Tears welled up in her eyes from the misery, but she held them back and continued to speak.

“I want to have a conversation, too. But you always lose your mind in the middle of it.”

Yeseo couldn’t believe her ears. His emotionless, glassy eyes and the low voice that calmly blamed her sent a chill down her spine.

“Sunbae... you’re the one who starts it first. Once you start, you don’t stop, and it’s never just once...”

It would be normal for them to have a conversation or a meal first and then have sex when the night got deeper. But as soon as he saw her, he was always in a hurry to take her clothes off like an animal. Sometimes, he would even penetrate her while they were still clothed.

Han Juhyeok didn’t say anything in response. A heavy silence filled the space between them. Yeseo clasped her hands tightly under the table. She was bewildered as to why he wasn’t saying anything, and the bewilderment soon turned into tension.

Did I say something wrong? But still... this isn’t right.

At some point, it felt like all he wanted from her was her body. It wasn’t like this at first, but it was slowly becoming that way. It was as if they were an old couple who had run out of passion and excitement for each other and were just having sex out of habit.

It hadn’t even been that long. It had been a year and a half since they first met, but it hadn’t been that long since they started dating. He went to the military just a month after they started dating, and contrary to what he had said before, he didn’t contact her much, so it felt like it had been even shorter.

But are we already over? So quickly...? So easily?

“That’s why I wanted to talk to you, Sunbae. To tell you that this isn’t right...”

In the end, what she wanted was reassurance. She wanted him to say it was a misunderstanding, that his feelings for her were the same as they had always been, that they had no problems, and that he was sorry for making her think that way. Just two or three sentences would have been enough. She couldn’t deny that what she wanted was a response that would quell her anxiety.

“I still don’t know. If it’s that serious of a problem. You always know what I’m up to through my phone. I know I’m a little late with my replies, but we mutually agreed to understand that, given the circumstances.”

Silence hung in the air. Yeseo finally opened her mouth.

“I...”

Her voice choked up without her realizing it. The reaction was different from what she had wanted, and her entire body felt as if it had frozen solid.