FY - 52

When Zhou Yan came out, the sky was overcast. It was a little past four, but it was as dark as night.

Si Wen was waiting for her outside the car, leaning against the hood, his legs long.

Zhou Yan stopped. She didn’t want to walk anymore.

Si Wen frowned at her. “I’m not going to spoil you. Come here yourself.”

Zhou Yan just stayed put and looked at him.

Si Wen’s brows furrowed. His voice was low and menacing. “Zhou Yan.”

Zhou Yan still didn’t move.

It started to thunder. Si Wen saw that Zhou Yan still had no intention of moving, so he walked over, took her hand, and walked back.

The corners of Zhou Yan’s mouth curved up.

Si Wen saw it before he got in the car. He got in and buckled her seatbelt for her. “You’re pleased.”

Zhou Yan was proud. “I’m very pleased.”

Si Wen: “I don’t have a lot of patience.”

Zhou Yan knew more than just that he was impatient. “You have a bad temper, and you’re a bad person. You do bad things all the time, and you have the nerve to threaten me. I just like it when you hold my hand. I like it, and I want it.”

In the past, Si Wen would have kicked Zhou Yan out of the car, but now, he just seemed helpless. “Okay.”

Zhou Yan held out her hand. “Hold my hand.”

Si Wen didn’t. “Don’t act up with me.”

Zhou Yan always had something to say to Si Wen. “Every time you acted up, when did I not put up with you? Do you want me to count them for you? So you can remember what a dog of a man you used to be and the things you did.”

Si Wen pulled her hand to his lips and bit it.

Zhou Yan hissed, pulled her hand back, and slapped his arm.

Si Wen grabbed her hand again, as if he wasn’t the one who had just refused to hold it. He changed the subject. “Did you make your decision?”

Zhou Yan stopped joking, her eyes looking straight ahead. She let out a light sigh. “How did you figure it out?”

Si Wen: “It’s written all over your face. If Zhou Siyuan can tell, why can’t I?”

Zhou Yan’s eyes returned to her legs. “I’ve had this plan for a while. It was just a matter of when to implement it. I originally wanted to wait until he graduated from elementary school, but you were unreasonable and came at a bad time, so I had to move up my plans.”

Si Wen didn’t even notice that he had tightened his grip on Zhou Yan’s hand. “You’re with me, not fighting a war.”

Zhou Yan knew that. But she also knew that without mentioning Si Wen’s past, he was still up to no good. She could go along with him without asking what he was doing, but she couldn’t drag Zhou Siyuan along with her.

“Then let me ask you a question. How many people have you killed?” she said.

Si Wen fell silent.

Zhou Yan thought he was embarrassed to say. “It’s hard to say, right? You know you’re a monster. I’ve already thrown myself in with you, and now you want to drag my brother in too? You’re dreaming.”

Si Wen: “No, I’m counting.”

Zhou Yan: “...”

Si Wen: “Too many to count.”

Zhou Yan pulled her hand back for the second time. “Don’t touch me anymore! Your hands are covered in blood.”

Si Wen: “How many times have these hands given you an orgasm? Have you forgotten?”

Zhou Yan buckled her seatbelt, changing the subject. “Alright, let’s go.”

Si Wen let her off the hook this time. “Where to?”

Zhou Yan: “If you’re not busy, could you drop me off at Sugar again? I need to get some stuff.”

Si Wen started the car and drove from the side road onto the main road.

________________________________________

Sugar started business at 2 p.m. and got busy after 6 p.m. Zhou Yan arrived at 5 p.m., which was a little early. It was perfect, as she didn’t have to greet people she wasn’t close with and avoided them stopping her for small talk.

She went to the dressing room, unlocked her drawer with a key, took out her things, and put them in her bag.

While she was packing, Sister Hong came in.

Zhou Yan didn’t look at her, just focused on her own things.

Sister Hong locked the door, walked over, and watched her pack. “Boss Huang told me you quit, and I knew you had gone with Si Wen.”

Her use of the word “with” was different from before. Before, it was a business transaction, a give and take. He didn’t have to be responsible for her, and she didn’t have to be loyal to him. It wasn’t like that anymore. Now, Zhou Yan was with Si Wen.

Zhou Yan took out the ring box and opened it. It was still Si Wen’s cufflink, which she had kept in good condition.

Sister Hong didn’t seem to want a conversation. She didn’t mind that Zhou Yan didn’t answer and used a fancy, modern word she had recently learned. “I want to know, is this your redemption for him? Or is it his for you? Or is it mutual?”

Zhou Yan didn’t like those words. “I have a brain and my own two hands and feet. How did I fall to the point where someone has to save me? Salvation for those who save the world is a Christian doctrine. I don’t believe in that. I only believe in myself.”

Sister Hong had a question. “Then what are you in it for? Money? You’re at the height of your career now. You can have as much money as you want. Why do you have to be with a beast? Haven’t you seen how he treated Zhao Youjin? Or have you forgotten how he used to treat you?”

“It doesn’t make sense. There’s no reason for you to love him.”

After the incident with Zhao Youjin, Zhou Yan caused a huge impact on Sugar. Sister Hong was afraid of being implicated and had a talk with Zhou Yan. She didn’t dare to kick her out directly, but she spoke many good things about Si Wen.

Zhou Yan noticed her fear and took advantage of the situation, extorting a sum of money from her.

Today was different from the past. Zhou Yan wasn’t causing trouble anymore, so her attitude was different, and she didn’t need Zhou Yan to leave.

Zhou Yan didn’t stop her hands. “Don’t belittle my choice just because I can’t make you money anymore. It makes you look petty.”

Sister Hong shook her head and mimicked her tone and posture. “Can’t you just see it as me caring about you? You’re leaving anyway. I don’t have to hate you in my heart, and you don’t have to be so sarcastic with me.”

Zhou Yan laughed. “Don’t bother. I hold grudges. Calling you Sister Hong doesn’t mean I actually see you as a sister. I haven’t forgotten how you treated me in the past. But I also have to thank you. If you hadn’t encouraged me to become a prostitute, I wouldn’t have met Si Wen.”

Sister Hong frowned. “You were at a dead end back then. I was showing you a way to live.”

“Let’s be honest with each other. If you were really showing me a way to live, would you have taken two-thirds of the money from my first time? Didn’t you know I was in a terrible situation? You knew, because it had nothing to do with you. All these years, you’ve gone around saying you didn’t force me into prostitution, painting yourself as completely innocent. Just because I didn’t refute you doesn’t mean I actually forgot.” Zhou Yan said.

Sister Hong was speechless.

Zhou Yan wasn’t finished. “You asked me what I’m with Si Wen for, and I’ll tell you. I’m with him because when I was at my most desperate, he gave me thirty thousand yuan to save a life. I’m with him because he’s good in bed. I’m with him because he treats people and things without exception, but he started making an exception for me.”

Sister Hong opened her mouth but didn’t say anything.

“Is that a satisfactory answer?” Zhou Yan asked. Then she changed her tone. “Are you thinking, ‘You’re crazy in love with him after all the abuse? Are you a slut?’ Yes, I am. I am a slut. Anyway, as an observer, when you can’t empathize, you all love to create a different opinion to make your presence known, so I’ll give it to you. Do you like hearing that?”

Sister Hong was about to speak, but Zhou Yan continued. “You people always want others’ actions to conform to your logic, your values, and your moral standards. I’ve never understood it. Did I give you permission? Do I owe you an explanation?”

“Does my reason for loving someone have to be good enough for you? You all really think you’re so important.”

Sister Hong had seen Zhou Yan’s “individualistic philosophy” before, but she was still so angry that her face turned red.

She was obviously leaving, and she couldn’t even be bothered to pretend to be friendly anymore.

Zhou Yan took out her watch and put it on. “People have to drink water to know if it’s hot or cold. Mind your own business and don’t stick your neck out all day to see what kind of toilet paper I use.”

After a string of insults, Sister Hong threw a card on the table and left with a quick remark. “Si Wen left this here for me before. There’s one hundred thousand left from two hundred thousand.”

The door closed, and only then did Zhou Yan pick up the card. The memories of the past two months came flooding back to her. No wonder some ordinary bosses had been so generous with her. Was Si Wen the one behind it all?

She was stunned for a while before she started packing again.

When she finished and came out, she ran into the other top earner, the one who had gotten pregnant and had an abortion.

The top earner looked at the empty makeup station behind her in the dressing room and understood. “After you walk out that door, we’ll never see each other again, will we?”

Zhou Yan smiled. Her attitude toward her was much better than toward Sister Hong. “We met by chance. We should go our separate ways.”

The top earner lowered her head. “We could have been friends, but the environment was wrong.”

Zhou Yan didn’t think so. “We can’t be friends. My heart is small and doesn’t have room for many people. You can’t get in.”

The top earner seemed used to her being so calm and cool on the surface but full of thorns up close. Yet, there was a fiery passion in her. She would always help people at crucial moments, but she never wanted thanks or for anyone to remember.

She suddenly wanted to know. “You always say you do things for yourself. Do you have any regrets?”

Zhou Yan thought for a moment and said, “My biggest regret is that I’ve lived through so many bitter days, and I’ve only ever had one man, Si Wen. But everything has two sides. Today, the thing I’m most proud of is that I’ve only ever had one man, Si Wen.”

The top earner smiled and had no more questions.

Zhou Yan said goodbye to her. As she left, she heard her say, “I wish you a safe journey from now on.”

Zhou Yan heard it. She didn’t turn around, but she smiled slightly.

When she got in the car, Si Wen’s eyes immediately caught the watch on Zhou Yan’s wrist. His expression changed, but he didn’t mention it. “Is it all over?”

Zhou Yan inhaled and exhaled through her nose. “It’s over. We’re a pair of scumbags and degenerates. Since we’re going back to our old ways, let’s go all the way and not leave any room for retreat. Of course, there’s no way back now anyway.”

After she said that, she took out the card Sister Hong had given her. “You’re the one who told Boss Huang I was quitting, aren’t you? Why are you always doing things behind my back?”

Si Wen didn’t want to explain anything to Zhou Yan. “What I want to do doesn’t need to be known by anyone. That includes you.”

Zhou Yan nodded as if she understood. “Is there anything else I don’t know about?”

Si Wen answered casually. “No.”

Zhou Yan: “If you don’t tell me, I’ll get out of the car right now and go back to being a prostitute.”

This didn’t threaten Si Wen. He always had a way to stop her, but he still told her, “That apartment is in your name, and so are the two cars in the garage.”

Zhou Yan swore. “So all those times, you were telling me to get out of my own house?”

Si Wen didn’t say anything. He drove her to Guangnan Temple.

Zhou Yan was so angry that her brows were furrowed until they arrived.

Si Wen went to grab her hand, but she dodged him. He simply put her over his shoulder and carried her up the stairs.

He could give Zhou Yan anything, but he would always be Si Wen. He wouldn’t become another person.

In other words, even if he wasn’t doing drugs anymore and his body no longer craved them, the evil rooted in his spine wouldn’t disappear. Given his past, he would always be a bad person.

Whether a bad person would be reasonable or gentle depended on his mood.

Zhou Yan was carried up and only then noticed that this was an unfinished building.

Si Wen put her down and walked forward.

Zhou Yan looked around. “Where is this?”

Si Wen didn’t stop. “You’ve burned all your bridges and given yourself to me. I have to show some sincerity to make you believe that your choice was right.”

Zhou Yan smiled and followed him. He led her to a room filled with weapons. Before she even entered the room, her legs went weak. She considered herself quite bold, but seeing so many real weapons, she couldn’t help but feel small.

Si Wen held her waist and picked up an 81-1 assault rifle. “Do you want to learn?”

Zhou Yan wanted to learn. As long as Si Wen was the one teaching, she wanted to learn.

She had learned everything from him. He had taught her so many things.

Seeing her nod, Si Wen placed the gun in her hands. “This 81 rifle has an effective range of four hundred meters. The automatic mode has no recoil. Your body can’t handle the single-shot mode. But there are ways to reduce the recoil.”

Next, Si Wen gave Zhou Yan a systematic explanation of the gun’s features, how to hold it, and the firing procedure.

Finally, he demonstrated how to check the gun, load the magazine, turn off the safety, and pull the bolt. The shooting was left for her.

Zhou Yan followed Si Wen’s instructions and fired a whole magazine at the wall of the opposite building. Bricks and dirt flew everywhere.

She turned her head. “I’m not accurate.”

Si Wen took the gun, unloaded the magazine, and turned on the safety. “Practice makes perfect.”

Zhou Yan hugged his arm. “I’m glad I didn’t have any illusions and was already mentally prepared. Otherwise, seeing you do bad things, I might not have been able to accept it out of a belief in socialist core values.”

Si Wen put the gun down. “I used to be a good person and do good things, but it didn’t feel very good, so I decided to stop.”

Zhou Yan felt sorry for him again. “That’s fine. You can be the villain. I like villains.”

Si Wen put his hand on the back of her hand. “Are you afraid of death?”

Zhou Yan shook her head. “I’m afraid of death, but I’m not afraid when you’re here.”

Si Wen’s expression was rarely gentle.

Zhou Yan asked him, “Am I going to die?”

Si Wen: “Not under normal circumstances.”

Zhou Yan: “Then what are the abnormal circumstances?”

Si Wen: “If I’m about to die, I’ll use my last breath to kill you first.”

Zhou Yan: “Tsk. That’s not like on TV. On TV, the male lead would sacrifice his life to save the female lead’s.”

Si Wen: “That’s why it’s a TV show.”

Zhou Yan: “Then can’t you learn from them?”

Si Wen: “If I don’t die with you, what will you do after I’m dead?”

This was a very clever question. He knew Zhou Yan wouldn’t live alone. Zhou Yan said, “Okay, you win. I accept you taking me with you.”

Si Wen tilted his head and kissed her on her temple. “This kind of abnormal situation is almost impossible.”

Zhou Yan nodded. “Yeah, I know. You’re amazing. But Si Wen, you’re so amazing, how did you fall into my hands? I don’t remember using any remarkable tactics on you.”

Si Wen picked up a handgun and calmly performed the pre-firing procedures. He chose a blank wall and shot a shape of a cigarette, with a wave-like pattern at the end to represent smoke. He spoke in a calm tone. “The more I hurt you, the more intense the feeling of losing you became. The more intense it was, the more painful it was. The more painful it was, the more I knew I couldn’t lose you.”

He spoke the last sentence slowly. “To not lose you, I will never hurt you again.”

Men are more rational than women. He could articulate the psychological and physiological changes that came with loving someone.

In other words, he originally wanted to die with his past, but because of Zhou Yan, he wanted to live.

Dying is easy, living is hard. It only takes a few words to make a person lose the will to live, but to make a person who wants to die willingly endure the rest of their life, it shows how amazing she must be, and it’s a reason for someone to love her to the core.

Si Wen was a master with knives and guns. No one could survive his death list, and no one could make him show mercy.

So for him to love someone, it would inevitably be a passionate and unique love.

Zhou Yan looked at the “cigarette” he had shot into the wall. She pursed her lips and said, “You’re seducing me.”

Si Wen put the gun away and turned to her. “Hmm?”

Zhou Yan’s eyes were still on the “cigarette.” “You’re seducing me.”

Si Wen’s eyes were smiling, very subtly. “Did I succeed?”

Zhou Yan ran over and jumped onto him, wrapping her legs around his waist and holding his face in her hands. She kissed his eyes, the bridge of his nose, and his lips forcefully. “My brain tells me no, but my body has a different opinion!”