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Zhou Yan was walking the dog on the beach, listening to the sound of the sea breeze colliding with the sea surface. She felt that such a morning was truly comfortable.

This dog was brought back by Si Wen, but it didn’t stick to him and followed Zhou Yan all day long. In the first few days, she was annoyed and kept saying it was Si Wen’s plot to give her things to do, but in the following days, she walked the dog so willingly.

She let go of the leash, and the dog ran off.

It didn’t run far. It looked back to see that Zhou Yan was still there, then sat down calmly, facing the sea.

Zhou Yan sat down cross-legged and looked out as well.

In the depths of the silky sea, a patch of hazy gray was tightly connected. Looking from a distance to up close, the sea surface gradually became rough. Maybe because of her sudden visit, the seabirds she had seen on the terrace a few days ago were nowhere to be found.

After living for a long time without a tomorrow, Zhou Yan felt that a life like this was pretty good.

Every year and every month were the same, and that was good.

When Si Wen came back, he didn’t see Zhou Yan, so he called her, but she hadn’t taken her phone with her.

He picked up her phone, glanced around the room, and didn’t see the dog. He guessed she had gone to walk the dog.

He looked back at her phone screen and saw the words “Old Bastard,” and his face soured.

He had originally planned to go find her, but now he didn’t. He went upstairs to rest.

Zhou Yan came back two hours later. From a distance, she saw Si Wen on the swing chair on the second-floor terrace, wearing casual pants, barefoot, with his feet dangling. The sunlight shone on them, and the lines from his ankle to his instep made her breath catch.

What does it mean to love someone?

It means that even when he’s not moving, just one glance at him makes you want him. Any feeling without physiological desire is not love.

He let go of the dog’s leash. “Go find your dad.”

The dog scurried upstairs, jumped onto Si Wen, wagging its tail and licking his face.

Si Wen was woken up by it, pushed it away, and frowned at Zhou Yan.

Zhou Yan stood below, looking up and meeting his gaze.

Si Wen: “Come up.”

Zhou Yan: “You come down.”

Si Wen turned and walked away.

Zhou Yan smiled but didn’t move.

About three seconds later, Si Wen jumped from the terrace onto the windmill, stepping on the pedals one by one to descend until he was standing in front of Zhou Yan.

Zhou Yan was smug. “You still had to come down in the end.”

Si Wen pinched her face. “What’s an Old Bastard?”

Zhou Yan swatted his hand away and pretended to be clueless. “I don’t know.”

Si Wen: “It’s on your phone.”

Zhou Yan: “Just because it’s on my phone, does that mean I should know? You have so many contacts on your phone, do you know every single one?”

Si Wen: “I only have one contact on my phone—you.”

Zhou Yan: “I’m a little hungry. Is there any cod left? I want some. How about we go out to sea tomorrow morning? I haven’t worn my diving suit yet. I’ve memorized the techniques you taught me last time. If I dive five hundred feet, I can see the cod, right? I remember you told me that.”

She was desperately trying to change the subject.

Si Wen wasn’t so easy to fool. “What does ‘old’ mean?”

Zhou Yan gave up. She knew Si Wen was more concerned about the word “old” than “bastard.” She explained, “It’s just a term of endearment. Boss, don’t you know? There’s also ‘old partner’ and ‘old husband.’ Don’t you find that adding the word ‘old’ makes it sound more important?”

Si Wen wasn’t buying her nonsense. “You think I’m old.”

Zhou Yan was amused by his serious attitude. She put her hands around his waist and interlaced them on his back. “If I thought you were old, would I have gone to my death with you? Okay, even if we didn’t get on the helicopter, and your helicopter was just a decoy, and you had another way of escaping, just like your men, I didn’t know that. You never told me. When you said to go somewhere, I didn’t even ask. I just followed you.”

“A woman who does what I did, what more could you be unhappy about? Just because of one word, ‘old,’ you’re going to get mad at me?”

Si Wen: “...”

The argument was originally his to win, but with just a few nonchalant sentences, Zhou Yan had completely turned the tables.

Zhou Yan was very smart. Once she had won the argument, she gave him a way out. “If you really don’t like it, I’ll change it for you. To ‘husband.’“

Si Wen accepted her compromise. “Not ‘dad’?”

Zhou Yan stepped out of his arms. “That’s enough.”

Si Wen chuckled, wrapped his arms around her waist to prevent her from getting angry and running away, and said softly, “Don’t ever call me old again.”

Zhou Yan was slightly stunned. She shook her head and reached out to touch his face. “Does being ten years older than me bother you that much?”

Si Wen didn’t answer. He was afraid he would die before her. What would she do all alone?

It was as if Zhou Yan could read his mind. “When you’re old and can’t go on, just tell me. I’ll get the rat poison I’ve prepared, lie down next to you, hold your hand, and we’ll go with a smile.”

Si Wen’s heart ached, but she was smiling. She was smiling so genuinely.

That evening, they held each other, watching the sunset. But even after it was gone, they still didn’t want to leave.

As it got darker, Si Wen told her, “There’s still some of the pickled cod left.”

Zhou Yan nodded. “I want to eat it.”

Si Wen stood up.

Zhou Yan grabbed his arm. “Carry me.”

Si Wen: “Walk yourself.”

Zhou Yan didn’t move.

Si Wen walked three meters away, turned around, and picked her up.

Zhou Yan put her arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek.

She had never been so willful with him before, and he had never given her the chance to be.

They both thought their relationship would only stay at a level where she willingly accepted his monthly ten thousand dollars in exchange for his insults, and he gave her a fixed ten thousand dollars every month to insult her. They wouldn’t have any communication other than sex.

The way things developed was unexpected.

Si Wen began to feel that he was giving her too little and being too harsh to her.

Zhou Yan began to feel that she couldn’t continue to be so submissive and started to resist.

This transition was painful and long, but they were both so smart. They were always able to see through themselves and accept themselves.

Later, they each compromised for the sake of the other and found fulfillment.

Zhou Yan showed him her true self—the one who made a scene at school, mocked He Shan-hong, and threatened Sister Hong.

Si Wen also stopped being silent and acted without explanation. He began to learn how to talk to her properly, trying to keep his voice low and his eyes gentle, changing from doing whatever he wanted to prioritizing her feelings.

Si Wen carried Zhou Yan to the bar counter. As he was about to get the cod, she wrapped her arms around his neck. “Did you really tell Siyuan?”

Si Wen: “I didn’t want to, but you were so sad.”

Zhou Yan’s eyes were a little red. She sniffled. “I was afraid he would be sad.”

Si Wen kissed her eyes. “He is very strong.”

Zhou Yan let him go and patted the spot next to her.

Si Wen understood and leaned against the counter.

Zhou Yan told him, “My mom was a prostitute. She had gonorrhea and was a drug addict, so Siyuan was born with both of those things. I lived with my adoptive parents for a few years. They gave me food and clothes, but they kept a clear record of every penny I spent, so I had to pay them back after I started working. That was fine; I wasn’t the kind of person who would just eat and drink for free.”

“But they still didn’t let me go to college. They were afraid that if I left, I wouldn’t come back.”

“I was sixteen years old then, and I took Siyuan with me. I was always looking for work, begging employers for a job. To make myself look like I wasn’t a minor, I even picked up a pair of high heels from a junkyard and a used lipstick.”

“In those two years, I worked several jobs, but it still wasn’t enough to pay for Siyuan’s medical treatments.”

“And all the money went to his medical bills, so we had nothing to eat. I would hide at the back doors of various restaurants, waiting for the servers to dump the leftovers. I ate the vegetables, and I would pick the meat and chicken drumsticks and put them in a lunch box to take back for Siyuan to eat.”

“Later, Sister Hong tricked and coaxed me into following my mom’s path.”

“Of course, I knew what that line of work meant, but I was still naive and my perspective wasn’t very high. At that time, I was still willing to believe that even bad people had a good side. The result was a slap in the face, a slap or two that directly woke me up.”

“Whether bad people have a good side is not a definite thing.”

“And that’s when I met you.”

“You know how scared I was of you, but I didn’t dare to leave. What would Siyuan do if I left? Slowly, I got confused about whether I stayed with you because you gave me money or because I developed a pathological dependence on you.”

“To stay sane, I would lie to myself that it was all fake.”

“Then I got another slap in the face. It was real.”

Zhou Yan moved closer to him, leaning on his shoulder. “What about you? Are you going to be honest with me?”

Si Wen knew Zhou Yan had a fierce temper. Having her talk about these things wasn’t difficult for her, but she was reluctant to talk about them easily. Like him, she didn’t feel sorry for herself and wouldn’t play the victim. She just wanted to hear his story.

Si Wen kept it simple. “I finished university at sixteen, joined the army, and was later selected to be an anti-narcotics undercover agent during a military operation. After a few years, I was accidentally abandoned, stayed in a drug den on the US-Mexico border for a while, and then came back to Dongsheng Pharmaceutical.”

Zhou Yan: “During the gunfight at Guangnan Nunnery, you wanted to die, right?”

Si Wen pulled her hand closer. “That was before. After you came, I got a taste of what it was like to be alive, and I didn’t want to die anymore.”

Zhou Yan rubbed her ear against his shoulder. “What about your parents?”

Si Wen: “They both committed suicide the year after they thought I was dead.”

Zhou Yan sat up straight, her eyes wide with shock.

Si Wen gently rubbed her palm, soothing her shock. “I couldn’t even go to their funeral. Because I was on a mission at the time.”

Zhou Yan was so sad. What had Si Wen gone through? How could he speak with such a nonchalant tone?

Si Wen said, “The government took good care of them, considering their every need and even being on call, but they didn’t like to bother people. They couldn’t accept my departure, so they left together.”

Zhou Yan hugged him, her body trembling.

Si Wen’s hand stroked her back. “I couldn’t repay my parents for raising me, but I don’t regret my choice. I can only hope that in the next life, they can be reborn as my children, giving me a chance to atone.”

This was the first time Zhou Yan heard Si Wen mention the word “atonement,” and he used it for his parents.

This was the man she loved.

Zhou Yan wanted to ask him if it hurt, but she felt like she had already asked that question.

Si Wen asked her at that moment, “Are you hungry?”

Zhou Yan shook her head in his arms. “Let me hold you a little longer.”

Si Wen lowered his head and kissed the top of her hair. “Zhou Yan.”

Zhou Yan: “Hmm.”

Si Wen: “I’m not pitiful.”

Zhou Yan: “But my heart aches for you.”

Si Wen held her shoulders. He felt the same way.

This was the first and last time they spoke seriously to each other about their past.

Afterward, Si Wen and Zhou Yan truly lived a life that was only about the present.

Later, they got another dog, and the two dogs had a litter of puppies.

Zhou Yan would look up at Si Wen from the side of the dog bed and ask, “Should I have my IUD removed?”

Si Wen would say, “Wait two more years.”

Zhou Yan understood. He had taken drugs, so he was especially cautious about this.

Two more years passed. They had both quit smoking, and Si Wen gave her his health report.

A man who could pick up a gun and destroy the world, and then put it down and still be unmatched with just his chest. This man, worried that having a child might harm Zhou Yan, spent several nights in front of a computer, researching the entire logic of childbirth.

He finally came to the conclusion that Zhou Yan shouldn’t have a child.

He started trying to convince her to use a surrogate. He said he was rich, that he had plenty of money. If Zhou Yan wanted a child, he could find the best surrogate mother, give her the best nutrition, and have a healthy baby.

Zhou Yan wasn’t happy about it. She felt she could do it herself.

She hadn’t wanted a child at first, and her previous suggestions to him weren’t serious. But ever since she heard Si Wen talk about hoping his parents could be reborn as his children, she had reconsidered.

Now that they were living away from the world, they had the means and enough time to raise a child.

When the child arrived, she would tell them everything that had happened between her and their father. She would also tell them that they weren’t perfect parents, but they would love them very much, be there for them, and provide the best environment for them to grow up in.

She enjoyed the happiness she felt when she thought about these things. Of course, she wanted to give birth herself. It wasn’t like she couldn’t.

Si Wen tried to show his conviction by not touching her, but he couldn’t hold out. Zhou Yan just had to walk past him in a loose top and with her legs exposed, and he would pull her down for a round of lovemaking.

Afterward, he would regret it, send her away, and say he didn’t want to see her for a while.

Zhou Yan was always very lenient with Si Wen at times like these. She knew he was very remorseful.

In a way, she liked the behaviors that were out of character for him. It showed that she had really messed with his composure.

Later, Si Wen accompanied her to have the IUD removed. That summer, Zhou Yan became pregnant.

Si Wen took her all over the world, giving their son a prenatal education.

Zhou Yan had thought that the Si Wen who had admitted to being devoted to her was already gentle enough. But then she saw him press his ear to her belly, not daring to move, and looking surprised when he got kicked. Only then did she realize she was wrong, that people can change.

But whenever he wanted to keep his reflexes sharp, he would hold a gun in each hand, extend his arms, and walk forward, not looking to the left or right, yet hitting the bullseye on both sides. He would analyze the degree of corrosion on the submarine cables and, in response to the damage caused by marine life, help the power company develop a submarine robot to protect the cables, ensuring the island’s communication and power supply.

She would then feel that he had never changed, that he would always be Si Wen.

When the baby was born, Si Wen was very nervous. Although his expression didn’t show much, his pale knuckles gave him away.

Zhou Yan was unconscious for a while after giving birth. When she woke up, Si Wen’s expression was terrible, which scared her. She almost forgot the pain and sat up. “What’s wrong? Is there a problem?”

Si Wen helped her lie down. “No.”

Zhou Yan: “Hmm?”

Si Wen: “It’s a girl.”

Zhou Yan thought it was a big deal. “A girl is good, too.”

At that time, Zhou Yan didn’t understand why Si Wen was unhappy.

It wasn’t until later, when their daughter grew up and was always clinging to him and he was always making her cry, that she started to understand what was going on as she learned more and more about the reasons.

Their daughter preferred Si Wen a little more.

It was probably because Si Wen never showed her a good face, so she was always cautiously trying to please him, but her dad just didn’t like her.

Once, their daughter cried and ran to Zhou Yan to complain. “Mom, Dad is bullying me.”

Zhou Yan picked her up and went to find Si Wen, a little angry. “Can you please be a little more patient with your daughter? Don’t act like she’s a stray. If you keep this attitude, you’re not sleeping in the same bed as me tonight.”

Si Wen: “She keeps asking me questions that are beyond her level.”

Zhou Yan asked her daughter, “What did you ask your dad?”

The daughter sobbed, “I asked Dad if he loves me.”

Zhou Yan wiped her tears. “Of course he loves you.”

Si Wen had to say at that moment, “I don’t.”

The daughter couldn’t stop crying. She didn’t understand why the adult world was so complicated.

Zhou Yan glared at Si Wen. “Get out!”

Si Wen was angrier than her and left.

Zhou Yan soothed their daughter to sleep. Si Wen still hadn’t come back, so she went out to look for him. Just as she stepped off the rock at the door, an arm pulled her down and pinned her. She looked up into Si Wen’s angry eyes, and all her afternoon’s fire was gone.

Si Wen pressed down on her, his hand on her chest, squeezing hard. “Told me to leave?”

The pressure wasn’t painful to Zhou Yan, but it stimulated some of her sensitive nerves, causing her breathing to become erratic. “No.”

Si Wen half-bit her lip. “I only have one person in my heart. Is that not allowed?”

Zhou Yan was so soft from his touch. “It’s allowed.”

Si Wen pushed her legs apart, his kisses moving from her lips down, and he tore off her clothes as he went. He was still brutal. When he was in a bad mood, he still had to be dominant.

Zhou Yan finally understood. Si Wen wanted her to know that in this life, he would only love one woman: her, Zhou Yan.

Even for his daughter, he would only fulfill his duties as a father, giving her the best of everything and raising her well, but he couldn’t give her any love, not even paternal love.

He was that extreme. No one was more extreme than him.

Si Wen bit her abdomen, punishing her for not paying attention.

Zhou Yan gasped. “It hurts.”

Si Wen showed no mercy. He pushed aside her panties, and his tongue entered, its tip teasing her sensitive spots.

Zhou Yan’s toes curled. The mouth below kept contracting, and her body instinctively wanted to pull his tongue in deeper.

Si Wen was very skilled. He always had new ideas, even when it came to making love to her.

They were almost frenziedly thrusting under the moonlight, their sticky bodies covered in sand. They moved from the beach to the sea. They always found greater pleasure in each other and were constantly exploring.

The old dog and the puppies lay on the terrace, as if they were used to seeing them in this state, appearing very calm.

Zhou Yan “died” under Si Wen. She didn’t even have the strength to lift her arm.

Si Wen kissed her eyes.

Zhou Yan leaned against his chest. “I’m a little sleepy.”

Si Wen let her use his arm as a pillow. “Go to sleep. I’m here.”

Zhou Yan felt very secure and fell asleep just like that, under the moonlight, in front of the sea, on the beach.

Besides Si Wen, no one else could give her this kind of security.

Between sleep and wakefulness, she dreamed she was back in Denmark. A young girl from the East came to travel and was playing a quick Q&A game on the street to earn some travel money. She asked her, “Describe the person you love most in one word.”

The little girl only gave her three seconds, but Zhou Yan had too many words she wanted to say. As she heard the countdown, she was a little anxious, constantly grabbing Si Wen’s arm and choosing from the words circling in her head, but she didn’t want to give up any of them.

When the little girl counted down to “one,” she let go of Si Wen’s arm and only said two words.

“Niubi.”

Just those two words, niubi (awesome).

It was vulgar and simple, but it was perfect.

Si Wen’s life could be written with flowery, ornate language, without the need for parallel sentences or profound meanings. Piling on difficult and obscure adjectives wouldn’t make people tired of it. But he didn’t like it, and Zhou Yan didn’t either.

He was the kind of person who said the least but did the most. He didn’t need a flashy resume to make anyone know who he was.

So, if there were two simple and easy-to-understand words to describe his life, it would be niubi.

He truly was niubi.

(The End)