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"In the early days of the western United States, a masked man and an Indian rode the plains, searching for truth and justice. Return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear, when from out of the past come the thundering hoofbeats of the great horse, Silver. The Lone Ranger rides again!"
Paul O. Williams (January 17, 1935 - June 2, 2009)
Was an American science fiction writer and haiku poet. Williams was professor emeritus of English at Principia College in Elsah, Illinois. He is also known as a writer of haiku, senryū, and tanka, and wrote a number of essays on the haiku form in English. In a 1975 essay, he coined the term "tontoism" ["telegraph" phrasing in haiku.] to refer to the practice of writing haiku with missing articles ("the", "a", or "an"), which he claimed made the haiku sound like the stunted English of the Indian sidekick, Tonto, in the Lone Ranger radio and television series. Williams was the president of the Haiku Society of America (1999) and vice president of the Tanka Society of America (2000) ..more
Here's Bashō's astonishingly untoppable classic haiku, in Tonto's telegraph-speak and then in human :
1
old pond
frog jumps
water sound
2
old pond
a frog jumps in
sound of water
In the second translation we dropped the 'the' option in the first and last line (for elegance of word presentation on the page). Here's how it reads with the the's :
3
the old pond
a frog jumps in
the sound of water
To many the's spoil the broth?
Yes. This second translation seems a fair compromise between machine gun rat-uh-tat and human.
However, there is some dispute as to whether we have the frog jumping INTO the sound of water, or IN the water.
Here's a workaround :
4
old pond
a frog jumps in
the sound of water
This translation (by author) offers BOTH options of interpretation (subtly and without clutter). So, number 4 is my personal choice (eat your hat, Jane).
When we write our haiku anything which interrupts that crucial 'transparency' which allows our image to emerge (out of otherwise unsullied waters, hopefully) is to be eschewed (this includes Surplus Capitalization -proper nouns only please!- and unnecessary punctuationitis - line drops service most emphasis and gear change needs, but, do try to avoid split sentences!).
Too little presentation, too much presentation?
This is the question we ask ourselves as haiku craftspeople.
In astronomy our home planet is said to occupy the 'Goldilocks zone'. This user-friendly orbital position is helpful when astronomers go sniffing out likely places for carbon-based life in outer space. Like our, somewhat persnickety, folk tale heroine, it's a place where conditions are simply, 'ah so'.
With regard to haiku, the Goldilocks comfort zone is a trade-off betwixt various intrusive dissonances of optional pr
esentation. This is where the craftspersonship comes in. Any reader's eye and mind needs a smooth perceptive transition - 'clear water over a riverbed', as Matsuo Bashō so adroitly mentioned (referring to the unobtrusiveness required of haiku penpersonship).
pre-Christmas sales
she watches him watching her
in the pet shop window
— jp
NOTE: What does Kimosabe mean? It is a made up word meaning "horse's rear end." The Lone Ranger thought it meant "friend".
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Habitable_zone
jp 02-11-10
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