2020.01.01

January 1, 2020

Sunrise and the Start of a New Year

As I sit here today the sands of the last few hours of 2019 are slowly draining away. I've been reflecting on so many changes that have happened. Some people have years that are interesting and some people have years that are interesting. Last year at this time I was wondering if I would know if my dreams and visions were madness or something else. I was wondering what had happened and hiding within the walls of the Church. In the span of a year I find out what I am, my abductress whom I was protecting was murdered, I'm in the service of an Angel and I am facing Armageddon. That is a year. Oh yeah and Zombies, Vampires, Werewolves, Mages and Demons are real. How am I sane? (Yeah, you're right, I'm probably not.)

I was in a coma. That was different.

Last year, I spent New Year's Eve at Midnight Mass then went back to my little apartment. I miss that place. I wonder who is living there now. Damn, I wonder if I left anything behind in there. The landlady probably would have said something. My Sweet Lord - we were being chased by zombies! We found a zombie in a closet and that changed everything. I don't think that the team remembers that they are using all my old cups, plates and dishes down in the Warehouse kitchen. Good old memories... Not all were good, but some were.

So let's see what have I done that I should make note.

Got the servo! And some extra ammo! Now I have a paperweight that will tear a hole in most walls. Once Reggie installs that servo I am most definitely having fun with a little target practice out the field. I surely must know if this actually works. I'd hate to find out that it doesn't when I really need it. Soon, Baby, Soon... I honestly have non-combatant status under the Geneva Convention... but... but... I have a mini-gun!

Yes, I am in the hole for $8,000 dollars to Red and Ohm... They really are good guys. It is nice to know that my stock has risen in their eyes. Damn, I am really going to try and keep it that way. Not that I hold any animus towards them. I am happy that things are better now. But... damn... this is going to be hard. I fear that life is going to throw me another curve. I can see the signs. I know it. I've played enough baseball in my life. Curves if hit right are home runs. If they are missed, however, then you look like a fool... Party harmony and brotherhood... yes sir.

We did have a nice chat with The Lady Abigail (PBUHN). I still haven't figured out if it accomplished anything. Why do Angels require ambiguity?

I was pleased that she was able to get the body of My Former Lady. Damn, I really have to put the 'Former' in there, don't I? I wish I knew what was going on in her mind. Was she playing me? Did she not know herself what was going on? Was she actually considering my words? It's not like I am burying my wife. We never had anything tangible. Am I required to mourn? Do I just go on with my life? Is there some reason to hang on to that lingering hope that she will return to be what I want her to be? If I move on... and she does come back... and I have moved on... and she is what I wanted... then what? I hate this feeling! I want to know, but I don't. I don't want to know if my faith was misplaced. I don't want that pain.

If she does come back, then I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. If she had given me something to hold onto... some tangible thread, but I have nothing. So I must try to live the normal life which was stolen from me years ago. Perhaps I never did see an Angel back on that battlefield in Afghanistan. Just another cruel illusion in my life.

The Lady Abigail (PBUHN) and Lord Oberon don't see eye to eye? Why would they argue over a corpse? As the world is revealed there are only more questions.

So Dante gets access to The Secret Library? What is he going to do with that access? Is their anything in particular he'll seek to research.

Cygin, insulted my choice of Karaoke! Well then I hope he doesn't mind if I practice some better tunes around the Warehouse.

I have a name for the Maul! I must confer with Jericho on this. I think he'll approve, but I would like to run it by him first. Perhaps he'll even officially name it so.

My mein is far more mean now! Yeah, it shall be fun unveiling that.

It really took me awhile to find this spot. I felt like I wandered all over Chicago. Well, I did wander all over Chicago. Not all in one day. I was looking around these past few days as I was clubbing and singing. I really have to say that I enjoy performing. I like being in front of a crowd. I love the limelight! The feeling is intoxicating... not as intoxicating as... No! but much the same feeling. It's exhilarating. I haven't felt that way in years! I've felt so bottled up and caged. Never again! I hope that I'm not becoming a glamour addict. I've heard stories amongst my kin about such a thing. I'll have to keep on guard. However though, my connection to the Wyrd is another thing. I feel that I am at the cusp of breakthrough. A little more effort and I should be able to augment my power. Yes, I must pursue this avenue. Power is always good... I don't care what they say.

Alas, poor Gruk you were misunderstood.

I may have concede that Cygin is correct on yet another matter. Damn do I hate those words. Why do I reference him so much in my journals? We are both creatures of Pride. But no, Dreams are a fantastic province of my kin. After I increase my mastery over the Wyrd then I know the next direction I shall take. I've discovered that we Changelings can also access the Global Consciousness. Probably not as spiffy as the Mages way, but I'll take it.

I have plans for my Changeling kin. I must work to ensure their protection. We will never go back. We will never be slaves again. We will never be taken for granted or be naive in the face of others.

I have another proposal for the group. This is actually a good one and doesn't involve cheese raping madness. I think that they will agree.

Where was I? Ah yes, scenic Chicago, I was all over the place today. I visited Lake Michigan, Montrose Beach, Grant Park. All were beautiful vistas. I spent the sunset at Grant Park actually. Walking amongst the buildings in the snow was truly fun. I felt like a kid and not a Hedge-rended wounded adult. It was nice not to feel empty. Sunrise at the beach would have been great in the Summer, but it is not Summer. However, as I look around, this truly was the best spot to take in the arrival of the new year. I have a bottle of fey wine and a single glass. Next year will be different, but this was good for now. I feel that my friends are having a great time. I could have sworn that I heard Red's voice coming over a cop car radio that passed by, but surely he would have more decorum. Would Annie approve? I don't even want to be thinking what Danno could be doing. Not thinking about the ghouls. I'm sure that Oopie is having fun doing something. Connell, well, in time. Cygin and Kat should have been thinking about her fight as there are plenty of other New Year's Eves. Ohm... Mal... I hope are... having fun.

Where am I now watching the sunrise? Well, despite the rumors that I was at some planetarium I actually found this vacant construction site. It was easy enough to sneak into and is very private. I just want to be away from everyone this morning. I can't say that I trust where things are leading and I don't want to take the risk of getting drunk and letting my defenses down. I hate this feeling, but it is just something that I have to deal with.

Yes the Sun is beautiful this morning... I'm glad that I was here to see it. Watching the ball drop is one thing. However watching the first rays of the new year is a sight to see as well.

Friendly, but Neutral is the path.

Huh?I thought I just saw something now. My mind must be playing tricks on me. It must be the wine. No... nobody was back there.