2019.12.11

December 11

In the Year of Our Lord 2019

Questions, questions, questions... so many questions. After I write this I intend to start finding out answers. They will laugh at me of course, however, I would like to point out who brought up the idea of Angels and Demons first. I rest my case. Having my powers returned to me (My powers returned? What a strange year it has been.) the process of acquiring those answers will be easier. Yet still in the acquiring of my powers... more questions. There is one certainty, Janus pawn or piece will die.

I do feel a sense of relief and happiness of being whole again. I thank my friends who stood by me and put their life on the line to help me out despite our differences. They are to be commended. I have always appreciated their help and counsel, once again I can be a full player in our quest. To do exactly what? Saving the world or preparing it for the next? A question.

That day down in the sewers was preceded by a little progress on matters. Operation Kuri Mazu is underway. All the players have their parts to play. I hope that the results are satisfactory. I am going on limited intelligence on this one, but I still think that I am operating at a net plus success here. Also I talked to Connell McTyre today. I explained that he has his own name. He is an individual. He doesn't quite understand, but I feel that in time he will learn and learn to appreciate the path from the Hedge I helped him find.

I would be feeling so much better about recent events only if Telluviel didn't have to meet the fate that she did. What is that fate? Who is responsible? Did she do this willingly or unwillingly? More questions. I was surprised to learn of that little enclave of Arcadia down below the city. I have a feeling that the theater and court was founded there because of that nearness to Arcadia. It explains things while still asking more questions. How long has that space been there? What pre-Chicago fey were attracted to it before the city was established? It could be an interesting line of inquiry.

I was quite glad to have had my discussion with Lylith before making our descent into what the mages and I am sure everyone else would call madness. I simply call it home which is probably why they call me mad. A viscous circle as Ohm would say. (I'd love to host an Adamantine Arrow spelling bee in Arcadia - Now that would be fun.) I like my maul much more now since I learned to use it a bit. If only I could further augment my defense since eating fruit and fighting is difficult at times. That uppity mage Kraven will also rue the day he insulted my maul (needs a better name than 'my maul'). So what if he gave his stupid sword a name and family. His sword isn't going to be appearing on Family Feud any time soon. I didn't see a slain Korthac. Nope, but I gained a new quest. Will Jericho want to be on board on this one. I feel once I explain the depth of rebuke that Kraven showed for his workmanship then he should help. This has the potential for fun.

Janus was his usual chickenshit self having Telluviel fight in his place. I don't need my memories to understand his ilk. He is all show and no substance which is why he is vessel for Samuel and not a Horseman himself. He be dead if were not for his theft of My Lady's property. He claims honor. He doesn't understand the meaning of the word. He will learn the definition and consequences for insulting another's as he draws his last breath begging for the aid of those dark forces he contracted himself to. He will die for daring to offer My Lady to me as compensation. COMPENSATION! He will suffer for that insult to her and me. The Korthac, a creature of rage and battle, has a better grasp on honor than he.

Dammit! I knew Telluviel was missing! Why couldn't I detect her presence in my corrupted self? I knew that I would have fallen to those blows that I unleashed. SHE WILL BE AVENGED! On one hand I enjoy the freedom that I now have. While I lived in my Earthly constraint as a priest I never would have allowed myself to think such thoughts. Deep down though I know that God has other plans for me. Heaven needs a champion, not another subservient worshipper! Shades of grey must be comprehended, not just the simple world of black and white. I will be that man. God chose an Arcadian, not a human for this task. I must be true to myself and use all the powers I have my disposal. I am so very glad that my discussion with Lady Abigail (PBUHN) allowed me to take the steps I needed to take. I do understand Cygin's concern, and that of the others, none of them shall be disappointed in their trust.

My Lady and I must talk freely. Her location within her new jail / castle / home / power base - the Court - does not allow this. I do understand Ohm's concern that I not appear in Court for my own personal safety. I also suspect that since this prevents me from seeing her this doubly reinforces his counsel for me not to go. Well, aint it grand that I don't require travel to the Autumn Court to speak with her. We shall speak. I will see this woman who has somehow captured my soul once again! She doesn't even require a contract to do this to me! She doesn't require the Rose Fields, the guards, the minions to hold my soul in her grasp! Whatever happened to that tortured place? Do the Dolls still bleed in the fields? I must acquire intelligence of the estate. I could have killed her and ended her existence, but I stayed my hand! I must be hated back home. Hmm... this is true. I suppose that there were forces who invested in my killing her. Well, damn them too! I will save her, I will love her and shall make her mine! HA! if that were even possible. Still, I think that she would rather enjoy my attempts to even claim equal standing with her. Well, I have always been her entertainment. Still though, the malaise and mendacity of this world wears on her. I must help her in this respect. Perhaps, that is the first step in her salvation; giving her some reason to see value in this world. Well, if my suspicions are sadly correct and she had a hand in Telluviel's fate then perhaps that is the key I need to use against her lack of understanding. I don't think that she quite realizes that what happened to Telluviel can also happen to her. She still feels that she is somehow - immortal. Well, that is another question to be answered. Yes, I will speak with My Lady.

Since I have my powers and my freedom back; having so many questions to ask and a desire to just go out and do something I visited Dante's. Perhaps after being away from the Court for what seems forever I needed to do social battle. That is my battlefield as much as Danno's is rage, Red's is not being a werewolf, Ohm's is uh...something.. and Cygin's is the world of the Lie. I must fight on my battle field and hone my skills. I hope that My Lady shows mercy on those two dancers perhaps I can talk to her before she does some manner of harm to them.

I must say though it was fun actually playing a Changeling and not just being one. If the world were not so screwed up I could be fantastically wealthy or powerful just from what I can offer to other people. I hope to hear from that guy I hooked up in the bar. If I can get Ohm's tass then I can get what my weapon sorely needs.

Hmm... five contracts to play with... well four... one slot must always be open.

What is Telluviel's fate? Lady Abigail (PBUHN) seemed somewhat ambiguous. Granted I didn't ask her outright. Well, we shall see. And yes, it is now time to prepare for my meditations.

[7/1/2010]