Date... does time really matter according to some time and space is an illusion? I'm told it is Dec.5, 2019. I honestly don't pay attention. I just use the dates when I need to do so. Yes, I do perfectly well understand the importance and even the artistic beauty inherent in using a chronological system. It is just, right now, amidst the chaos they seem irrelevant. I was never really a chronicler though, but anyway...
To keep a journal seems to be an important thing today. These are the end times and I really can't allow my own personal story to be told through the mouths of others. Some are questionably neutral, some are hopelessly skewed others are plain and outright liars. No, I am not making any judgments here. That right falls within the domain of God. I am simply stating a simple fact. Some claim neutrality, but are held hostage to their own unconscious biases. Some are so caught up in their (damn this music is too loud... oh I like this song... nice!!) drives and emotions the entire idea of neutrality is lost to them. While others would seek to use this method of communication to bend the ears of future generation to their view of events, i.e. they chose words perfectly and with a specific purpose. The truth is not necessarily a necessity and is sometimes an obstacle.
I will tell my story. My story is a combination of all three above. I am trying to be neutral, but will sometimes fail. I know that I will get caught up my emotions this will happen. Finally, though, I will try to not lie. There will probably be some truths that will not have the ability to convey without a nudging of the pinball machine. So I shall report and you can decide (I've heard that somewhere before hmm...). Well anyhow...
Today's journal will start today. The events which happened before shall be introduced in asides as we merrily move along. (Past the Church and steeple... the laundry on the hill...) But first I need to address something. This whole concept of my path is a non-subject. It has been postulated by others what my path is, what my path should be, my mission, my creed, and my very beliefs. They make these assumptions based on a very limited slice of information. They have absolutely no idea what is going on in my mind. And to be honest... neither do I at times. They have no idea what it is like to be pulled in 10 different directions at varying times.
Obviously, I can't explain all that is going on in one journal entry. This will take time explaining. However, I can give one bit of advice, don't assume anything. Decisions made were the best decisions made at one point in time. We all know that time is a nebulous entity. It changes like the coastline, the sky, the weather, life. To assume that a snapshot of time is the way that things are meant to be eternally is an attempt to defy Chaos! Such thoughts are foolish. People make decisions based on the best information available. When that data changes the equation changes. Some people should know this, but forget.
What does this mean for me? Who knows? I just enjoy going off on these philosophical benders. One thing that I can tell you is that I am on the side of God. I am on the side of good. Those two are one in the same, yes, there will be / are some who question this fact. Those questions are needless expenditures of energy. Some things you can take on faith. I am sure that the Lady Abigail (PBUHN) can tell you more on that.
(Do I want to listen to this; it is a great, but just damn long! Switch it.)
So what happened today? Well, yesterday I was approached by Janus. (Apparently we have a history - I've got to figure that out.) He offered me a deal. He gives me my powers back and he sweetens the deal saying that he will toss in the Contract for My Lady. He would do this if the contents of a vile he proffered found its way into Danno either directly or through a doll. I wasn't born yesterday so I was ready to refuse.
He really seemed to want this though so I played along. I borrowed the vial from him in a bit of subterfuge and squirted a little blood into my hand. He gave me a day to think on things. I was thinking... yeah I am going to know where you are going to be in 24 hours. There was no way in Hell I was going to inject Danno with that crap, no matter how many assurances he gave.
I knew that I had to tell Danno which I did. Cygin was available, but he was not in a mood to talk anything I told him would have been warped out of all proportions. So I told him the basics. Ohm was off doing something. (We have another Werewolf? When the hell did that happen?) Anyway... (This place is going to smell like wet dog in no time.) Where was I? Yeah so we set everything up. Should I have explained everything to them? Right! Hey Cygin, I want an artifact... no you're a priest. Priests don't want things. Heaven forbid I mention that I don't want the artifact for myself. Oh you want it for HER! YOU'RE OFF THE PATH!!!! Blah.. Blah... he doesn't even know what my path is. I know that he means well, but he just has to put everything through that blender of his so that he can drink his magi conformity. Bleh... I'm still a compatriot, but talking to him is nigh impossible. I'll still try though. The fact of the matter is I need both things.
I knew that the plan was going along too easy. Yet, I was hoping that we were being underestimated, but unfortunately Janus did his homework and was ready. I really hope that Kat can tell how fun it is getting physical in the big, bad, doggy form. I am on the line and I never trained with my damn Maul. (It is on the list. My being on the line should not be on the list *sigh*. Yet, still feel that capability within me. That is a future project. My being the tank was never in the cards. Now I know what I want to do. I have plans which are going to freak out the mages. Oh they'll downplay it as always, but it will still be fun once I have all my marbles lined up.
Well the plan did not execute so well. Danno was stuck by the syringe. That will be taken care of. I wish I knew how the rest of the battle went, but I am still plagued by my injuries. I will have to talk to the others and get filled in. I wish these disassociation seizures would stop. Oh well...
Finally, I know those of you who have taken time out of your busy lives to actually read my words are wondering. What is up with me and My Lady? Well, since in fact I am writing to my journal I shall tell this in truth. I shall be long dead before anyone reads these words. Am I feeling infatuation? Am I feeling love? Am I feeling what passes for love in the realms of the fey or some changeling hybridization? My feelings for her are true. I do want to save her. I think that she can be saved. Why do you ask? Because I know that the True Fey are as much the victims of Arcadia as they are the masters and mistresses. How can I love her? I can because every day I prayed for her soul. It was the only thing I could do to mentally survive the abuse. Through all that prayer I saw glimpses of another woman. I've seen glimpses of a tremendous beauty which could be a force for good. She is far older than I if using that troublesome value of time. Though to be honest I will chose age to inexperience. I am sure that something happened in her past that set her on this terrible path. So yes, I do love her. I know that I can save her. And I will. [Acts of the Apostles 9:3-19] Even with that being said I know my part that I need to be in this battle. I will play that part. Don't ever question my loyalty to the cause.