Embedded Files
UN VOTES TO BAN BP FROM
DRILLING ON PLANET EARTH!
A UN Special Session last Monday voted to stop BP, British Petroleum, from drilling offshore, it now can only drill off-world, that is, off-planet.
BP CEO, Tony Hayward, was stunned by the news.
In response, the embattled CEO was launched into space on Tuesday in search of alien oil, he rode atop an offshore oil derrick converted to a space ship.
PLUS
EQUALS
CEO Tony Hayward, now calling himself, Captain Hayward Picard, stated as he looked down upon the Gulf of Mexico that the body of water should be renamed the “American Ocean of Energy Sufficiency”.
Then he made a prophetic statement of his galactic mission: “This is one small step for an irresponsible oil company, but definitely a giant leap for my faltering career.”
Reports say that the Captain was eager to blast off from planet Earth. Earlier he had been subjected to the old American practice of tar and feathering.
Reports indicate that the residents of Louisiana wanted him to feel what it would be like to be an oil soaked pelican.
Captain Picard broadcast from Deep Space on Tuesday that the ship would be named the Starship Petroleo…..although most are now calling it the “Tar-ship” Petroleo.
He stated the space vehicle would aim for a planet long rumored to hold vast reserves of oil, the planet Vulcan.
On Wednesday, Captain Picard issued a report that his oil derrick space ship was attacked by marauding Klingons.
Picard successfully repulsed the bandits with deadly chemicals used to clean up oil spills. Many Klingons were instantly killed.
The Starship Petroleo then continued onto Vulcan.
However, on the way, a giant black hole appeared. Captain Picard, a man of opportunity and risk, ordered his crew to hover over the black hole, drill deep, and attempt to extract energy.
PLUS
EQUALS
But something went horribly wrong. Picard reported a dreadful struggle but in the end the ship succumbed. The Tar-ship Petroleo faltered and the pilot lost control, it went round and round and down and down into danger.
And then suddenly, it passed into the pipeline of the black hole and was sucked up and leaked to the other end of the universe!
Captain Picard issued frantic reports all the way down into the vortex. He mused in despair, “What is a black hole anyway, it leaks energy just like any offshore oil derrick, why the whole galaxy is one big energy leak isn’t it?”
Then the end came and in a few quick seconds the flying oil derrick was distributed to the edge of the cosmos.
His last recorded words were, “Oh, I’m becoming energy…..Oh, I am a form of renewable energy. Oh, my God, I’ve got it!...” After this his communications went black and silent.
The Tar-ship Petroleo, the crew and its intrepid captain were no more. Astronomers watching the progress of the star ship stated that Captain Hayward Picard became a quasar billions of light years away.
But, the odd thing about this new quasar is that its pulses keep a beat and rhythm that matches Picard’s favorite song: “That Old Black Magic” sung by Louis Prima and Keely Smith.
That old black magic has me in its spell,
That old black magic that you weave so well
Those icy fingers up and down my spine,
The same old witchcraft when your eyes meet mine,
The same old tingle that I feel inside
And then that elevator starts its slide,
Down and down I go,
Round and round I go,
Like a leaf that's caught in the tide.
I should stay away but what can I do,
I hear your name, and I'm aflame,
A flame with such a burning desire,
That only your kiss can put out the fire.
'Cause you're the lover I have waited for,
The mate that fate had me created for,
And every time your lips meet mine,
Darling, down and down I go,
Round and round I go,
In that spin of love that I am in,
Under that old black magic of love.
See Louis Prima and Keely Smith sing it for Picard
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfNgcDvPn1M
So what can we say? Noble Captain Picard went round and round, and down and down, round and round, and down and down for his obsession with the black magic. Caught up in its spin and burning desire he could not avert his inevitable fate.
Today brave Picard is now Renewable Energy, and in the end he finally grasped this. But unfortunately, the irony cost him his life, but more importantly his salary and CEO appointment.
Rest in Peace, Dear Captain. He took but now he is giving back in the grandest of ways as a quasar sending life-giving energy to the whole cosmos.
He entered Space the final frontier. These were the voyages of the Starship Peroleo. Her mission: to explore strange new worlds and to seek out oil for exploitation regardless of life or civilization, to boldly go where no CEO has gone before.
On the other hand, poor Hayward Picard went where EVERY man has gone before: into renewable energy -- however, the Captain was a bit slow, destructive and overly dramatic at grasping this.
He went round and round, down and down, in that spin of love for oil and profit, under that old black magic of love.
The End
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When will an angry planet strike back?
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