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Just for fun:
Heaven-based Therapist Sigmund Freud Announces Jehovah is on Anti-depressants
Sigmund Freud published a press release on Friday stating that “God” was taking anti-depressants under his professional care. The psychologist stated the reason for this dramatic change was the state of the World and the Human race, and Jehovah’s great disappointment with his work.
Freud elaborated that his patient is under great stress as he is now considering banning Free Will. In sessions God is debating a ban on choice and individuality. But this act would be considered by him to be an announcement of failure. He is quite torn and conflicted.
Said Freud about the difficulties of the therapy: “We are working on the issues through dream therapy, but as you must know, it is all dreams with him, he dreams everything. So reality and illusion are complicated with him, it’s all one thing, very plastic…as it is with all great artists. This makes dream analysis very difficult when everything is a dream including the therapy and the therapist.
You know, let me digress here, a person who is having a psychotic break cannot recognize what a miracle is because they are in pure fantasy state, it’s all miracles to them and quite normal. Only a rational human being can distinguish a miracle because it breaks all of the factual and logical rules. Jehovah is not rational, you could say he is a psychotic having a break with reality, but he has a special kind of psychosis because his psychotic break IS reality.
And therapy between a doctor and God is quite complicated. We have a whole new level of “transference” where God turns every session into a dream, he dreams my thoughts and words. It’s quite confusing, so progress is very slow with “divine transference”. And I have to argue with him that my ideas are mine and not his, it can get very frustrating because we constantly argue over my bill. In any case, it is all very fascinating…”
A reporter asked Freud if God is Dead? He responded: “Well, in the 60s it was announced by the press that “God is Dead”. Of course, God returned so that was an error. But today moving into the 20-teens, I have to say that God is not dead, but he may have become an Existentialist! He may be just giving up.”
In the press conference, the heaven-based therapist explained that Jehovah has been evaluating his life and is very despondent. In a session, God recounted to Freud his autobiography:
“On the first day, I created the heaven, earth, day and night.
On the second day, I separated heaven and earth.
On the third day, I made oceans, land masses and vegetation.
On the fourth day, I invented the firmament, galaxies, stars, planets, moons and suns.
On the fifth day, I engineered creatures of all sorts.
On the sixth day, I created humans, my greatest innovation.
And on the seventh day, after six days of difficult creation I spent a day in re-creation.
Then after a pleasant Sabbath of rest and a day of joy observing my creations, came the eighth day. On this day I had to observe murder, bigotry, theft, rape, war, selfishness, emotional dysfunction, greed, addiction, destruction of nature, materialism, elitism, alienation, group think, oil spills, consumerism and many more sickening things.
On the 9th day, I started taking anti-depressants and gave a dispensation to the pharmaceutical industry. I began debating whether I should end the world or just ban free will or simply follow Sartre’s lead and become an Existentialist and take up a nice hobby. I always wanted to be a mime. I am kind of one anyway, I stopped speaking to mankind ages ago.
On the 10th day, I will deliver my decision.”
Dr. Freud says he will do his best to help Jehovah make the best decision. In the mean time he is taking volume bids from pharmaceutical companies to provide the enormous amount of anti-depressants that God will be using until he gets better.
Axxiad News