The Single Parent

by: Cheryl Holman

Single Mom to nine- ages 8-27

What Can You Do as a Teacher to Be a Help to the Single Parent and Students in Your Classroom?

Introduction

It is no secret that several children today are growing up in single parent households. Many of your students will come into the classroom from a broken home- with only one parent, maybe living with grandparents or other caretakers, or living in separate homes from their siblings. Some of the children will be going to a different house on the weekends or even stay at alternate homes from week to week. The different situations are countless.

Children from these households have had to cope with adverse situations that prevail upon them. How can you as a teacher reach out to the single moms or dads in your sphere of influence this year to make life easier for them and make the students more comfortable while giving them the education they need?

Learning objectives: At the end of this lesson, future teachers will be able to...

list two practical ways to help students feel less awkward in the classroom in relation to being the child of a single parent household

Use parent/guardian terms when referring to adult caretakers
Use caution when preparing and organizing Father/Son and Mother/Daughter events

and list 2 ways to help a single parent in her/his situation

Let her know what resources are available to help through difficult financial times.
Make her feel a part of the school community and include her when you can.

The Single Parent- My Story

There are several different ways I can address the needs of these families, but I want to narrow my focus on the single mother. I want to draw from experiences from my own life, look at the research, and draw conclusions based on what I know has helped my family over the years.

My ex-husband and I were married for almost 19 years when he decided to head down a separate path and pursue life with another woman. I was expecting my 9th child at the time, and it was a very difficult period in our family’s history.

I had taught my children at home for over a decade and continued to do so as long as I could, but the day came when I needed to make that transition to further my education, pursue a career, and put my children into the public school system.

Our new journey had begun...

Two areas where you can help students feel less awkward in the classroom in relation to being the child of a single parent household:

2 suggestions from my kids in the video:

1. They do not want Father/Son or Mother/Daughter days eliminated, but they do want to feel included and have someone there for them.
2. They would prefer terms like Parent/Guardian used instead of Mother and Father.

Extra advice and takeaways for future teachers:

Billy wants no homework.
Nattie wants a special place in the room just for her where she is spoiled and gets everything she wants.
Jack wants to be the guy... he's 16. They are superior.
Adam wants you to not be mad if your student throws up on you.

SINGLE PARENT STRESS- A Burden That She/He Isn't Able to Handle Alone

Pearlin and Johnson (1977) bring up the toll divorce takes on an individual, “becoming unmarried is itself a condition imposing difficult and often unclear demands for change, and it is these demands that lead to psychological disturbance” (p.705). Single mothers/fathers carry a load that they were not meant to carry alone. Life's daily circumstances and lack of time to get everything done can easily drain them . Families who have two parents at home have no idea what it is like. Sanik & Maudlin(1986) agree with me, "little research exists with respect to the time use in single parent families, allocation of tasks among those family members, of differences between single parent and two parent families” p.53).

I can tell you for sure, that there sure is a lot of laundry and socks to keep track of all by myself!

Life was incredibly difficult in those days, and even though some things have been easier, nine years later I still get a lot of comments and questions about how I am able to do it all.

Sue (2014), an acquaintance of mine and mentor who has written a book about, divorce and her 5 children, wrote in her blog,

"I didn’t use to be prone to tears, but lately I feel like I’m on the verge at all times. It just seems like I can’t possibly handle everything God has given me. And the future just looks harder and harder…How do I move forward when I feel so overwhelmed?"

At the point of breaking 24/7

I tell people it is like being a water balloon. You’ve all participated in a water balloon fight.

Some balloons take a few bounces to pop and others can pop before or as soon as it leaves the hands of the one who tosses the balloon.

You never know which balloon will reach its intended target and burst on impact, or will it be a dud and have to be thrown again.

That’s the life of a single parent.

You never know what adverse circumstances could break your resolve, determination, and strength easily and without warning.

Two areas where you as a teacher can reach out to the single parent:

#1 Let moms/dads know that they don’t need to worry when it comes to school supplies and food.

They might not be aware that these or other resources or organizations are available to help.

Pearlin & Johnson (1977) share this about the single parent, "the part played by structured, persistent life strains also must be considered… economic resources of people...isolation from social networks” (p. 705), and depression from abandonment. There is a huge gap left because the father has walked away from the family or passed away. The single mother or father cannot be everything to them. Some of these families with young children are going through their darkest days. Single parents are almost always in need of financial support of some kind to get through these times.

When my kids went to school, we were told about the school’s stock of supplies and given everything we needed either from the school, teachers, or the YMCA’s outreach for back to school items. School breakfasts or lunches are available free or low cost to needy families. These programs exist in some communities throughout the school year and the summer months.

#2 The second way for a teacher to reach out to single moms is to include them.

Being a single parent can be alienating. “Self conceptions may be assaulted in the course of becoming single, social networks often become unraveled, and established habit patterns frequently must be abandoned” (Pearlin & Johnson, 1977, p.704).

When I became a single mother with my 9th child on the way, the cavalry showed up. People gave me meals, cleaned my house, took my kids out for time away, and more. Someone anonymously paid my mortgage for three months so that I didn’t lose my home (I still don’t know to this day who did it.) But the time came when we no longer fit the mold of the perfect home school family with a pastor father, and we lost most of those connections one by one. The public school was a whole new world for us, and we took it on- Holman style!! Teachers gathered my children in like chicks- even my highschoolers- and gave them a home away from home in their classroom. They included my children in everything and allowed me to tag along. Once I earned my CDL to drive a school bus- my first step to financial independence, teachers arranged and requested that I be the bus driver for my kids’ field trips. They also took me out to dinner and met with me at local pools in the summer to relax and get to know each other. I am now good friends with several teachers and have also gone on a few dates with one of them- but I don’t ask you to go that far in making the single mom feel included. LOL!

Test Your Understanding

1, What are 2 ways to help make the classroom a comfortable place for students of single parent households addressed in the learning objectives?

A. Ice cream for everyone on Fridays

B. Use caution when preparing and organizing Father/Son and Mother/Daughter events

C. Use parent/guardian terms when referring to adult caretakers

D. B and C

E. None of the above

2. What metaphor did I use to compare what being a single parent is like?

A. A box of chocolates

B. A day at the beach

C. A water balloon

D. Herding cats

Answer Key:

References:

Birdseye, S. (2014, March 14). When You've Got Nothing Left to give...and need some help and some hope. Retrieved October 19, 2021, from uptomytoes.com/2014/03/14/when-youve-got-nothing-left-to-give-and-need-some-help-and-some-hope/.

Pearlin, L. I., & Johnson, J. S. (1977). Marital status, life-strains and depression. American Sociological Review, 42(5), 704–715.

https://doi.org/10.2307/2094860

Sanik, M. M., & Mauldin, T. (1986). Single versus two parent families: a comparison of mothers’ time. Family Relations, 35(1), 53–56.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xz5z1hBxejg

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