Blue Jay
By Emerson Neczek
I’m sitting at the dining room table looking out the back window. My posture is slouchy and tired. My head rests gently on my left hand. If I rested my head completely on my hand, my hand would crack like China. My right wrist sits on the rim of my mug, which was supposed to be filled with hot tea, has been now steeping for 15 minutes untouched. It’s not completely cold, there’s a little warmth, I think my body temperature was keeping it warm as I twirl my finger in it.
The smashing of gravel can be heard from outside, Sammy’s here. She lets herself in with the key I gave her a few months ago. I gave all of my close friends keys, that’s only three people though. I’m very antisocial. Sammy came in through the back door.
“Mel, where are you?”
“In the dining room…” I say without breaking my stare from the birdhouse outside the window.
Sammy walks into the room, and with a sigh she says “Hey Mel”.
Both of us let the silence win as we just exist in the room. Sam looks at me and turns her head to look around the house without moving. In one swift moment, she swings off her scarf, takes off her coat, and goes to the closet to hang it all up.
“Do you want me to heat up your tea?”
I take out my finger and slide the mug slowly with my knuckles to Sam.
She heats it up in the microwave and returns to the dining table and sits down. “What are you thinking about?” Sammy says.
“I don’t know… I’ve been staring at this birdhouse all morning and I don’t know why. There hasn’t been one thought that has crossed my mind all day”. After saying that, I look at Sammy, finally making eye contact with her, my eyes immediately start to water up. “No. No…“ I say trying to push back my tears.
Sammy reaches her hand across the table and grabs mine. “Look at me, I am here and you are here, you do not have to go through this alone”.
My mouth struggles to open without crying out loud. I barely form the words but it comes out anyways “I don’t know. I feel so broken and lost. Everything hurts, I can feel pain everywhere in my body like I’m sick.”
“You’re not sick,” she says.
I grab a tissue and blow my nose. I take a few deep breaths and take a sip from my tea.
“We all knew that it was going to happen. He slouched in his chair and he ate with his hands. He had given up on life and didn’t care about anything. He would look straight through the TV and let his body become the chair. He had no reason to get dressed so he just stayed in his pajamas. Words couldn’t form out of his mouth even if he tried. He would mumble something and if you leaned in closer and asked him to repeat he would roll his tired eyes and find another object to look through. The very last thing he did was hold the picture of my mother to his chest. She had only passed away a week before. I couldn’t convince him to try and stay, my mother was his light and his love. He didn’t hold the picture frame tight, he just let it rest on his chest with his hand over it. He laid helplessly in his rocking chair looking at the fan that wasn’t even moving. I watched him, my dad. The man who taught me everything. Who tickled me and made me laugh so hard. He who inspired me and who used to possess so much energy in his little finger, now sits limp in his rocking chair.”
I take a pause and my tone shifts. “When it happened... it was peaceful. He took one final small breath... and then that was it. He was gone.” I whispered looking at Sammy whose eyes are swelling up with tears.
“I didn’t even think to tell him how much I loved him and how much I looked up to him. I just sat there looking at him not thinking anything. My dad. My father. My hero. My savior. My comfort. My faith. Taken away by one final breath”.
Right then everything stopped. No more tears were being shed and I couldn’t make my mouth move to say one more word. It was quiet and everything was slow.
The silence only made room for the wind outside and the birdhouse, in the frame of the birdhouse sat a baby blue jay staring right through the window, looking at me. I thought I felt a connection between us. Two completely different species sharing a bond. In a blink of an eye it was gone.