Cyrus
Dana Corso
Let me introduce myself. My name is Cyrus McCormick. I’m 16 years old, I live in Maui, Hawaii, and I have life-threatening hemorrhoids. I never knew that hemorrhoids could be life-threatening, but here we are. I don’t know what I’ve done in past lives that could’ve made me deserve a life of hell, doomed to my room. All I know is that I would like to punch the shit out of those past lives. Dumbasses.
“Good morning sweetie! Your father and I have to go into work now, but we’ll be home at 5:30. See you soon, love you,” my mom calls out from behind the door. She tries to be positive and energetic; she wants to lift my spirits, but it’s to no avail. I don’t answer her and pretend to still be asleep when she peeks her head in the door.
It takes a few minutes, but eventually I hear my parents walk out of the house and to their cars. My mom owns a 4.2 star hotel down by the coast and my dad is a surf instructor at said hotel. Think she’s a sugar mama? I definitely do. Once I see that their cars have pulled out of the driveway, I hurry to the window and grab my binoculars to spy on the cute boy who lives a little down the hill. I can see perfectly into his window, and every weekday around this time, he’s getting ready for school.
Oh man, is he a beautiful specimen! When I still went to school, I would nonchalantly follow him around just to see what classes he had. A week later, I had his schedule memorized, and I went to the counselor’s office and switched 3 of my classes just to be closer to him. He had the most beautiful poop-colored eyes I had ever had the pleasure of seeing. They would turn so beautiful when the sun glistened in his eyes, it would make his eyes water and he would blink a lot. Ah, he also has a beautiful name. Bartholomew O’Tavish. Cyrus O’Tavish... Cyrus O’Tavish… Cyrus O’Tavish… I’ve written my new name a thousand times. I love it.
Since I was diagnosed, I started taking online school. I miss my Bart so very much, but I’m not sure if he knows my name. You know what? Maybe I can devise a plan to make him fall in love with me. Just you wait and see, I can do it.