The Deafening Reality
The Deafening Reality
Sebastian Aranda
Screams of terror and whispers of chaos all sound the same in my mind. Trapped listening to it all. Reminding me they’re there at the worst of times, mocking, tormenting me. I know it’s all in my head but why can’t I stop it, why can’t I control it? There is no solitude in despair. I’ve learned to come to terms with the fact that the root of all pain derives from attachment, yet I’ve depended on myself for so long now it feels as if there’s no one else to rely on. Only surviving using the things that kill me most. Running from the voices. Only ever running, never overcoming. How do you escape your own reality? There is no hiding, no solving, only distracting from the truth, shortly dampening the deafening thoughts of insecurities and compulsions. I hate to seem so pessimistic but I’m running out of options. It’s all catching up, the voices grow louder and resent me for ignoring them more and more day by day. I’ve won the battles but they will win the war. My world is ending soon, I’m going to miss it. I’m going to miss it when I look in the mirror and stop recognizing myself. I know I’ll miss it when I fall to the intelligence meant to protect me. Ignorance truly is bliss. Self awareness is a trap, obsessions consume as soon as I indulge. Paranoia dictates when you realize how deep you are. This labyrinth of a mind has gripped me, keeps me up at night, it’s always so dark it’s hard to see the light. Sometimes I forget it’s even there. Soon I’m sure it won’t be.