Chapter 7

There were many times when I wondered if Yan Yang was really this foolish or just faking it. I didn't believe that there was someone who would sincerely treat me so well. Before I stepped foot into this house, I had already prepared myself to live each day entangled in schemes and plots. However, the things I worried about never happened.

I never told Yan Yang what was truly in my heart. Every sentence had a lie mixed in.

I observed Yan Yang. Not just for one or two days, or even one or two months. I kept my guard up all the way, but he never slipped up.

No matter where we were, he always appeared to like me a lot. In school, he told everyone he could that I was his Ge. In the neighbourhood, as long as a person knew Yan Yang, they also would come to know of my existence.

Once, Yan Yang said, "Ge, how about you show me where you used to live?"

I had never brought up my past to him, whether it was about myself, my mother or the life we used to live. I never uttered even a word about it to Yan Yang.

I didn't want him to know, but there was also a part of me that did.

Ever so often, the thought of attempting to take revenge on this family would cross my mind. But I would tell myself that the person who was responsible for my past wasn't Yan Yang and I shouldn't force my pain onto him. He only had to help me obtain what I desired.

Like the summer camp the school organised in the second year of middle school, or the computer I got when I graduated.

I only needed to pretend to casually bring up what I wanted to him, and before long I would get it.

Yan Yang was like a little cup telephone. Most importantly, all these things were sought for by him. When my dad or his mum came to me to discuss it, I just had to act like I didn't really want it and even if I rejected them, I would still get it.

Because Yan Yang would say to them – Let Ge go! Buy it for my Ge! Or I'll earn the money myself to buy it for Ge!

He was the little boss of the house. They could ignore my requests, but the moment he opened his mouth, nobody would deny him.

The only one who would deny him was me.

When he graduated from primary school, I was preparing to start high school.

During summer vacation, I brought him to the zoo. Yan Yang wasn't really feeling it. When we got tired of walking, we sat on a bench in the zoo and ate ice cream.

He brought up wanting to go see where I used to live.

I said, "We can't go there anymore; it's been torn down."

Actually, it hadn't. That place would never be torn down because it would never be seen.

I just didn't want him to go there.

After leaving that place, I went back a few times. Practically every month, I would return to tidy up the place and greet the neighbours.

That place wasn't a clean and neat place to visit. In recent years, a large number of the old residents had also moved out. Those who had gotten on in age had been sent to nursing homes by their children, and the youths of the area were still living each day without a care in the world.

The reason why I went back wasn't because I missed it. I really didn't feel any attachment towards that place. It was just that I always felt like there would come a day when I would still end up back there. My roots stretched into the ground there; I couldn't escape.

I would still be abandoned, then I'd have no choice but to return to the world I originally belonged to. The clothes on my body would be stripped off me and changed back to that old and faded school uniform of mine.

I always thought this way.

As Yan Yang sat on the bench, eating his ice cream, he frowned and said, "That's such a shame."

"Why is it a shame?"

"Because I wanna see your old home," Yan Yang replied, "but it's okay. If I can't see it then so be it. Anyway, we'll always be together now."

That day, I asked Yan Yang something I had been wanting to ask him since the first day I entered this household.

I asked, "Yan Yang, do you really think me joining your family was a good thing?"

"What do you mean 'your family'?" Yan Yang stretched out a hand; his fingers had a few drops of ice cream on them. I took out a few tissues to clean them as he continued, "It's our family."

I couldn't understand him. After I came, I took away many things that would originally have completely belonged to him.

"Ge, don't get mad at what I’m about to say."

I didn't speak. Yan Yang licked his ice cream and said, "My mum won't let me tell you or Dad, but we're close so I'll secretly tell you."

Yan Yang secretively moved closer to my ear and told me, "Before you came, my mum made it a point to tell me to take care of you well. She said that Dad hadn't treated you well, and so I should help Dad make it up to you."

I didn't believe that his mum would say something like this to him, but Yan Yang's gaze was also incredibly sincere.

I asked him, "Then how about you? What did you think?"

He continued licking his ice cream, then replied, "It's not because of Dad; I don't care about that. I'm nice to you because I like you."

"What do you like about me?"

"I like that you can keep me company," Yan Yang said, "I’ve never had anyone around to have fun with. When I was young, I would always ask Mum and Dad for a Didi. Later on when I learnt that I had a Gege, I realised that a Gege was better than a Didi."

He grinned as he looked at me, making my brows knit together.

"In the past, during the school holidays when Mum and Dad went to work, they would lock me up at home. It was seriously so boring, but after you came it wasn't anymore." Yan Yang leant on my shoulder, "When you're with me, they can let me go out without worry."

Indeed, I was three years older than him. The adults didn't have to worry regardless of whether we were at home or outside.

But it was precisely because of this that the things later on happened.

"You want to see my old home?"

"Yeah, but it's fine if I can't see it anymore."

"Next time, if there's a chance, I'll bring you there," I said, "it's been torn down, but we can still visit the area."

Later on, I really did bring him there. I brought this clean and pure Didi of mine, up dingy and dilapidated stairs, into a dirty little apartment. On the bed that I had never really slept on, I fucked him. His moans were so loud that even the people next door could hear him.