Chapter 44

Hatred was something that, if not resolved, would only grow like a snowball tumbling down a mountain.

The hatred that had accumulated over months and years exploded in an instant, becoming an intangible knife for slaughter, killing others as well as myself.

I stood at the office door, a smile on my face as I watched him stand there, his hands gripping the desk, shock overcoming his features.

On his office desk was the folder that had been inside the parcel, a pile of photos scattered atop it.

There were ten in total. All of them were of Yan Yang and me.

Photos of us embracing, kissing, and making love. Of course, in the photos handed to him, Yan Yang was not overly exposed. His sensitive parts had all been cropped out by me. I could not allow anyone to see it, not even his father.

These few years, Yan Yang’s dad’s blood pressure had been slightly high. Now, looking at these photos, his blood pressure was definitely shooting up.

I entered his office and pulled out a chair, sitting opposite him. I sat with one leg crossed over the other. I lit a cigarette, taking a drag of it before asking him, “Do you like it?”

He seemed to be feeling dizzy, his eyes closed as he supported himself against the desk, unable to speak.

I suddenly realised; he had indeed aged. He was almost at the age of retirement, and white hairs were growing on his head.

I liked seeing him like this. Panicked, at a loss, terrified, and helpless, just like how I had once been in the past.

I wondered if his blood pressure would have risen too, like it was now, if he had seen my mother chasing me with a knife back then.

“Now you know why Yan Yang lives with me in Boston, right?” Even at this point, I was still being avoidant. In front of him, I was pretending that Yan Yang’s mind and body were all dependent on me, that I was the person who was toying with Yan Yang’s family in the palm of my hand, and that I was the true victor.

I smoked my cigarette, spitting out a puff of smoke in his face.

“You really want to know how this happened, don’t you?” A smile played on my lips as I spoke, “Maybe you should go ask your precious son. After all, back then, the one who had stripped bare and climbed into my bed was him.”

The person before me clearly had yet to come back to his senses. I leant forward and picked up one of the photos. It was a photo of Yan Yang being entered by me from behind. We were lying on our side while I entered him from behind. The picture had both our faces, as well as the hickies on his body left behind from the previous night.

Yan Yang was very beautiful, his eyes tightly closed, his lips parted slightly. He was drunk on this, enjoying the sex.

“Your son’s looks are really not bad; they’ve always been so,” I said as I admired the photos, “There have always been many boys and girls who like him. If you want to introduce a girl to him, it won’t be difficult. That is, the introduction won’t be difficult – but success will be, because he doesn’t like girls.”

I threw the photo back onto the table and, slightly impatiently, asked, “Can you say something? I sent you such a brilliant present, and your reaction is just this?”

The second I finished my sentence, a teacup was flung in my direction.

Inside the cup was scalding hot water. The cup hit me, and the water splashed onto my neck.

It was very hot, so hot that it hurt.

But to me, pain was merely a giver of joy.

His cup fell on the floor, shattering. I didn’t even spare it a glance, continuing to smoke my cigarette.

Holding on to the table for support, he lowered himself into his chair. His eyes were closed as he took deep breaths. Seemed like I had angered him quite a bit.

“Are you still setting him up with girls?” I said, “You think you know him very well, don’t you? In reality, your son has long since not belonged to you anymore.”

I held the cigarette between my teeth as I drew a few tissues from the tissue box on his table to dry my clothes, “He’s mine.”

Yan Yang was mine.

“Yan Xuan, did you do it on purpose?”

He finally opened his mouth. When he spoke, his whole body was shaking.

His heart was aching for his son. He felt I had brought his darling son down a crooked path.

“Me? I didn’t; he was the one who started it,” I answered, “When he was seventeen, he crawled into my bed. We made love in the house you bought, and made love in front of that piano too. When I went to London, he flew over to find me and stuck to me every day. I did it on purpose? It was clearly him.”

I got up and extinguished the cigarette against his desk.

“I am the only one in Yan Yang’s heart and eyes. Don’t get any ideas about him.”

He lifted his head, meeting my eyes. His gaze was full of hatred.

Resentment really could make a person turn hideous. It was so for him, and myself as well.

Through gritted teeth, he spat, “You did do it on purpose. Yan Xuan, I would never have thought you could be this vile and disgusting. He is your own biological brother!”

“Yes, I am vile and disgusting. But didn’t I inherit that from you?” I laughed, “So what if he’s my biological brother? He likes me, and he’s willing to let me fuck him. When I fuck him, he wishes he could simply die like this, underneath me. What I’m doing is loving him.”

A slap landed on my cheek. I was hit so hard that I saw stars for a moment.

He glared at me, his gaze ruthless as he said, “Back then, I shouldn’t have taken you back!”

Sometimes, a person’s breakdown really can just happen in a moment. His regret of taking me back had already been written into every minute and second of my memories of the past ten years. He didn’t need to repeat it again!

The flames of rage overtook me for a moment. I forcefully grabbed his collar, almost lifting him up from his seat.

I hissed, “But you did take me back, so you brought this upon yourself. Whatever you owe my mother and me, you can let your son repay on your behalf. Every time I fuck him, your sins can be lightened slightly.”

I was filled with so much hatred that my jaw was clenched deathly tight, like I could almost gnash my teeth into pieces. When I released him, I gave him a hard shove. The seat toppled along with him onto the floor.

“I forgot to tell you something. I’ve changed my name back. Don’t you feel like I’m not worthy of being part of your family? I’ve changed my name.” I lit up another cigarette. Through the haze of the smoke, I smiled as I said to him, “My name is now…Yan Yang.”