Chapter 13

It was impossible for someone to like this place.

Yan Yang said he liked it, but I didn't believe him, just like how I could never believe that he and his mum were treating me well purely out of the goodness of their hearts.

Sometimes, late into the silence of the night, when one was thinking about these things, their self would split into two. My other self mocked me, "You really don't know how to appreciate good things."

I didn't know what time Yan Yang had fallen asleep, but when I carefully got out of the bed, he was sleeping soundly.

He was really just a simple-minded boy, able to sleep even in this sort of place.

It was quite late already, but it was still noisy outside. There were people fighting and cursing at each other. This was the norm for this place; the night was livelier than the day.

I closed the window, then shifted the electric fan over so that Yan Yang could feel the breeze but not be blasted by it.

The time on the clock read that it was already past one. I left the bedroom and sat in the messy living room, smoking a cigarette.

I felt rather annoyed. I didn't want to see Yan Yang.

Even if I didn't want to admit it, it remained true that in front of him, I'd always feel inferior.

Sunken in the sticky heat of this summer night and my sticky, muddy thoughts, I held a cigarette between my fingers and forcefully rubbed my throbbing temples.

Yan Yang pushed the door open and came out, softly asking, "Ge, why aren't you sleeping?"

I had probably woken him up just now.

"Go back to sleep," I said brusquely, "Don't pester me."

Yan Yang pursed his lips, seeming a bit unhappy.

We had known each other for quite a few years now, together from day to night. Whether he was happy or unhappy, I could tell at a glance.

He stood with his back against the wall, as though he had been punished.

I was already in a bad mood, and seeing him like this, I suddenly felt like doing something bad.

"Yan Yang, come here."

Hearing me call for him, he broke out into a grin and quickly hurried over.

Yan Yang's body emitted warmth all over, making the already humid night even more unbearable.

Every part of this apartment was dirty. He hadn't even been here for long, but his white short-sleeved shirt had already been dirtied in a few places.

I said, "Wanna smoke?"

He was stunned.

I put the cigarette clasped between my fingers in front of his face, "Try it."

If my dad or his mum found out I had done something like this, they would probably sweep me out of the house.

Yan Yang hesitated for a moment, then held onto my hand and leaned forward to really take a puff.

He got choked by it and lay on my chest in a coughing fit, the rims of his eyes teary.

I felt much better after bullying him a bit, allowing him to grab me wherever. I smiled as I continued smoking my cigarette in contentment.

He asked me, "Ge, this thing is so harsh on the throat. Why do you like it?"

"You'll understand when you're older." I said this like I was an adult pretending to be full of wisdom, but back then, I had in fact already become of age. Compared to the fifteen-year-old Yan Yang, wasn't I an adult?

But what I hadn't told him was, some people would go their whole lives not understanding certain things because their lives were too fortunate.

I pointed at the window beside us, "My mum jumped from this window."

Yan Yang hugged my arm as he turned to look at that window.

"When it happened, I wasn't at home. I don't know if her mind was clear or not when she did it." Whether she had purposely committed suicide or accidentally lost her footing, we would never know. She had taken the answer to that question to the grave.

I said, "Next time, when I don't feel like living anymore, I'll jump from here too. Remember to come take a look when it happens."

"No!" Yan Yang turned back, his brows knitted. He dug his fingernails so deep into my skin that he drew blood.

I laughed at him, "As if it's up to you to decide."

"I said no!" Rarely was Yan Yang so stubborn in front of me.

After saying this, he looked at me with a practically beseeching gaze, his lips pressed against my shoulder. He looked incredibly wronged.

"It's not like I said I was going to die right this instant," I took a drag of my cigarette before pushing him away, "It's stuffy, don't stick so close to me."

Yan Yang sat there on his own while I stood up to grab a cup of water to drink.

When I came back with the cup of water, Yan Yang was zoning out facing the window, his knees hugged to his chest.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked, "Wanna try jumping down from here?"

"No." He came over and stole some of my water to drink.

That night, neither of us returned to the bedroom to sleep. I sat up against the wall, while Yan Yang rested his head on my lap and fell asleep.

I ended up giving up on retaking the examination. Endless tears streamed down Yan Yang's cheeks as I stepped onto the train heading to a place far away for my studies.

On the day of my departure, Yan Yang stood on the platform crying uncontrollably. Through the train's glass window, I watched him. I felt irritated.

The train had barely left the station when I received Yan Yang's text message. It read: Ge, wait for the holidays. I'll come find you.

I didn't reply. I didn't want to pay him any mind.

But what I hadn't expected was, before the holidays even arrived, he already came over to find me.

It was extremely cold in the last few days of that year. The end-of-term exams were approaching, so I was always cooped up in the library.

This school of mine actually wasn't too bad. It was like what my dad had said; even if I didn't perform as well as expected, I'd still end up in a key university.

On the way back to the dorms from the library, I got a call from my dad saying Yan Yang had just finished doing up his identification card and then immediately ran off to secretly buy train tickets to get on a train and come see me.

From my dad's tone of voice, I could already imagine the anxiety he was feeling in that moment.

His darling, his youngest son, had actually secretly run off to see me, this insignificant son of his.

This made me break out into an uncontrollable grin.

"I got it," I replied, "Don't worry, I'll take good care of him."