Chapter 11

Perhaps it was because he had shared an intimate secret with me, but for a very long period of time, Yan Yang became even clingier to me.

And he liked to keep asking me about adult matters.

Teens would always have thoughts about these things. It was very normal. When I was growing up, had I not seriously lacked the energy to, I probably would have had those thoughts too.

One could only start having these desires when they were properly clothed and fed. I didn't even know how long I could hold the bowl of rice in my hands for, so I naturally didn't have the mind space to consider those things. But Yan Yang was different. He didn't have to worry about food or shelter, and he remained carefree despite his poor grades because his parents had long already helped him plan his future pathway.

I had accidentally heard about this, so I wasn't sure if Yan Yang knew about it or not.

The two adults of the household could tell that Yan Yang wasn't made for academics, but definitely had a talent for the piano. Yan Yang enjoyed it too, so they planned to send him overseas in the future to study music.

I was actually a bit nervous about that.

In this house, the only person who would do things for me unconditionally was Yan Yang. If I wanted to continue having all that I currently had, then I had to continue having him in the palm of my hand.

Actually, I was already in my final year of high school. Just a few months after New Year's, I'd be able to leave this household.

But the truth was that I didn't want to leave, and had never desired to either. What I wanted had never been to be rid of them, but to crush them.

Whoever destroyed the life I was supposed to have, would be the one who should get their retribution.

Wasn't leaving this place after enrolling in university letting them off a bit too easy?

I now had two options. It was either I thought of a way to keep Yan Yang here with me, or I made it such that even if he went far away, he would still listen to my every word at all times.

It didn't matter which path I chose, but the problem was that I didn't know how to go about it.

At night, it consumed my thoughts so much that I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned as I watched the moon outside the window, my head throbbing.

"Ge, you haven’t slept yet?"

It was almost one in the morning already when Yan Yang softly called me.

"Why are you still awake?" I lay on my back, staring at the bed frame of the bunk above me.

He was silent for a few seconds before answering, "I feel a bit uncomfortable. I can't fall asleep."

I didn't care in the slightest about his comfort level; this wasn't something for me to worry about. But he got out of bed and climbed down to sit on my bed and ask me, "Ge, do you experience this at night too?"

At first, I didn't get what he was saying, but once it hit me, I suddenly didn't know what to say.

I still wasn't used to discussing sexual matters with my Didi.

"If you're feeling uncomfortable, take a cold shower," I said, "After a cold shower, you'll feel better."

He replied 'oh', then really went ahead and took a cold shower in the middle of the night.

I didn't know when he came back after showering because not long after he left, I fell asleep. The next day, he came down with a high fever and missed school. His mother brought him to the hospital.

Yan Yang's cold lasted all the way until New Year's. On New Year's Eve, he bundled himself up like a zongzi[1] and pulled me out of the house, saying there was going to be a fireworks display at the public square.

At first, I didn't want to go, but Yan Yang said, "Ge, please go with me, you won't be home this time next year."

He was right. If all went smoothly, I should be in university next New Year's Day.

We went to the square together. The place was packed to the brim with people, uncomfortable as hell. Yan Yang held on to my hand tightly, afraid that he'd lose me in the crowd.

There was nothing particularly interesting about fireworks. I always felt that they were repetitive and just seeing them once was enough.

Yan Yang, however, was bursting with excitement. It seemed like he was excited about anything that wasn’t academics. When the fireworks started, he was so thrilled he started jumping up and down, grabbing my arm as he shouted and cheered like a fool.

Since we were outside, I couldn't be bothered to calm him down. He could continue making noise while I watched coldly.

Our city was a small one, so the fireworks display barely lasted two minutes and really wasn't anything special. At the end of it, Yan Yang was still a bit unsatisfied and said he wanted to ask Dad to buy some for us to play with.

I ignored him. I thought to myself, he could play on his own; I wouldn't participate.

When we were walking back, Yan Yang seemed to be feeling a bit hollow. He started mumbling some pretentious stuff, like how lonely the fireworks were or whatever. I couldn't be bothered to listen.

The place was still as crowded as before. We were jostled left and right by the waves of people when suddenly somebody called out Yan Yang's name. As though I didn't exist, he squeezed his way over and swung an arm around Yan Yang's shoulder, calling him his little wife.

Yan Yang looked at me, panic evident in his eyes. At that moment, I realised that the secret we had agreed on keeping between us was probably known by a good deal of people now. I didn't know if they were calling each other like that just for fun, but their touchiness looked very real.

Yan Yang pushed the person away and pulled me to his side, introducing me as his Ge.

That boy put on a sickly sweet smile and greeted me 'Ge' like Yan Yang.

I didn't respond or give him a second look. I just glanced at Yan Yang before walking off on my own. Shortly after, Yan Yang quickly caught up to me, the boy from earlier no longer with him.

I ignored him. He tugged at my arm, but I still didn't respond.

"I didn't tell him," Yan Yang said, "He was just joking around."

"You can do whatever you want," I scanned the crowd in front of us, looking for a way to quickly get to a less crowded area, "It's none of my business."

That day, throughout our way home, I barely acknowledged Yan Yang's presence. But at night, before we went to bed, he tiptoed over to my bedside and asked me, "Ge, are you mad at me?"

"No. Turn off the lights and go to sleep."

He obediently did as I said before coming back again.

He squatted by my bed, then suddenly hooked his pinky with mine.

"I swear, only the two of us know about it," Yan Yang promised, "Whatever you tell me not to do, I will never ever do it."

Yan Yang paused, then added, "Cross my heart and hope to die. That will never change."

The reality was, Yan Yang was indeed a person who kept his promises. It was just a pity that I wasn't.

Footnotes:

[1] ‘zongzi’: sticky rice dumplings, which are tightly wrapped in a layer of (usually) bamboo leaves. Just imagine Yan Yang wrapped up like a cocoon hehe