Chapter 15

In the past few years, the number of times I had slept in the same bed as Yan Yang could be counted on one hand – especially after I had come to know of his sexuality.

It wasn't that I had anything against homosexuals. I just felt that since he liked men, that meant he would have desires for the male body. Even if we were biological brothers, we still had to maintain a certain distance.

But Yan Yang didn't seem to feel the same.

He liked to stick to me, in all senses of the word.

Even though I often felt irritated by his closeness, it wasn't difficult for me to understand it.

We had known each other for six years now. Because the adults of the household were always busy with work, in these six years, the amount of time he had spent with me far exceeded the time he had spent with anyone else. Coupled with that inexplicable liking he had taken to me and his dependence on me, being affectionate with me had naturally already become a habit of his.

Back then, I had indeed been a little slow. I hadn't realised that to him, I was no longer just an older brother.

I too, out of habit, still saw him as a little kid and didn't realise that there could be anything strange about a 19-year-old boy and a 16-year-old boy hugging each other as they slept, especially when one of them had already made it clear what their sexuality was.

That night, Yan Yang slept very well, but I didn't.

In the first half of the night, the heater was strong. It was so hot that Yan Yang kicked his blankets off. Then in the later half of the night, it got cold, so he blindly buried himself in my chest. I was awakened by him and pulled the blankets over to cover him well. His arms around my neck were suffocating.

I found it annoying, but I also didn't want to push him off. That dilemma made any hint of sleep completely elude me.

It was the next morning when I realised that things were beginning to get a little unusual. The sky was starting to brighten, and I was only just beginning to feel sleepy. Just as I was about to fall asleep, Yan Yang started moving around, waking me up again.

Any sixteen-year-old boy would experience morning wood. Or perhaps, back then, it hadn't just been a problem of morning wood.

Yan Yang had an arm wrapped around me while his lower body kept rubbing against me. That area was obviously erect, making me feel awkward. No matter how close two brothers were, this kind of thing was still too much.

I wanted to push him away and wake him up, but before I could, I heard him let out soft, drawn-out sounds, like a cat in heat.

A flush of crimson-red coloured Yan Yang's cheeks. I didn't know why; maybe because he was hot, or because of something else.

I said I didn't know, but it was only because I was unwilling to think any further about it. The truth was, I of course knew much more about this sort of thing than he did.

I was afraid waking him up would make things awkward for him, so at first, I decided to just tough it out. I thought if I simply waited it out, when he woke up, whatever had happened could just be forgotten. But as I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep, his actions grew more and more intense.

Yan Yang's hands haphazardly ran up and down my body. A sheen of cold sweat coated my skin. I had no choice but to grab his hand and open my eyes.

Yan Yang woke up too. He was bleary-eyed, still dazed for a while. When he came back to his senses, his face became bright red like a tomato and he immediately pulled the blanket over his head, refusing to come out no matter what I said.

"Suffocate to death then. Your choice." I got off the bed, relieved.

I didn't bother about Yan Yang and went to the bathroom myself. I locked the door and looked down at my crotch. I wanted to curse.

I had reacted.

I had been touched by Yan Yang until my lower body reacted.

If everyone had a seed of evil in their hearts, then the one who had planted it in mine was my dad, and the one who had let it emerge and bloom was Yan Yang that day.

I stood under the shower head, dousing myself in cold water as I forcefully grabbed that organ that had erected because of him, taking out my anger on myself.

At the time, I couldn't understand what had gotten into me. In the end, I squatted under the cold water and cried.

This made me sound rather pathetic, but back then my heart had been full of disgust. With myself, with my dad, and now with Yan Yang too.

By the time I finished showering and had composed myself enough to walk out, Yan Yang was sitting on the bed rummaging through his bag.

He said, "Ge, I brought you a present."

"Gave up on being an ostrich?" I asked.

He laughed, his cheeks still red.

He passed me a box. The packaging was elegant, and it was even tied with a bow.

I took it and asked him what it was. He replied, "Chocolates. Your New Year's gift."

It was the last day of the year. Yan Yang had specifically come to celebrate the new year with me.

The two of us sat on the bed and finished the chocolates before he went to take a shower.

The moment Yan Yang entered the bathroom, he poked his head out again. He wasn't wearing his clothes; only his upper half, fair and slender, could be seen. He still looked like he wasn't well-nourished enough.

He said, "Ge, you took a cold shower."

He continued, "Did you get, you know, that?"