Chapter 16

Changing my perspective of him was very difficult, especially given the nature of the relationship between Yan Yang and me. When we first met, he had really just been a small child, clinging to me and calling me 'Ge' all day long.

Now, he still stuck to me every day.  Even when I wasn't by his side, he would still send me messages without fail, and they would always start with the same word – 'Ge'.

This word reminded me that he was my younger brother. The longer this went on, the more impossible it got for him to take on any other label in my heart.

For example, it was only that morning when he had moaned and rubbed against me that I finally reluctantly started to accept that he was gradually becoming an adult with desires of his own.

Gradually.

Because he wasn't of age yet.

Actually, a sixteen-year-old boy would be aware of everything already, whether they had taken the initiative to find out or been forced to know.

"It's normal for boys to experience morning wood." I did my best to appear calm and unaffected, sitting at the edge of the bed to light my cigarette, "Hurry up and shower. Afterwards, we'll go out and eat."

My back was facing him. For a long while, I didn't hear him move. We were strangely locked in a freeze frame.

It was only later on when Yan Yang went to take a shower did I realise that this crappy hotel's soundproofing was so bad that even the slightest sound in the bathroom could be heard clear as day from the outside, and the moans one made when masturbating couldn't be concealed by the splashing water at all.

I wasn't sure if I had made such sounds or not when I had been showering, but Yan Yang's sounds were so clear that as I heard them, I smoked two cigarettes in a row, my brows knitted.

When Yan Yang came out, he said, "Ge, the water turned cold halfway when I was showering."

How luxurious could you expect such a cheap little hotel to be?

He was just acting spoiled.

He came over, wrapped in a towel, dripping wet as he sat down next to me.

Yan Yang asked, "Is your nicotine addiction very bad now?"

With a cigarette held in my mouth, I took the cloth from his hands and dried his hair, forcefully rubbing it back and forth across the top of his head.

Water splattered everywhere, droplets of water littering both the sheets and the blankets.

Yan Yang fussed, "Hey, Ge, don't rub so hard!"

I gave him a look, then threw the cloth back to him for him to dry his hair himself.

He pressed up against me while taking his own sweet time to rub his hair dry. He asked me, "Not in a good mood today?"

I glanced at the clock and texted my roommates, telling them I would be out with my younger brother today so I wouldn't be going for the drinking session we had arranged that night anymore.

They wanted me to bring Yan Yang along. I thought about it, then replied, Maybe. I'll let you know later.

I didn't really want Yan Yang to meet them. Or rather, I didn't want them to meet Yan Yang.

I didn't know why. At the time, I still couldn't understand it.

Yan Yang was a very annoying person. Ever since he was young, he had been the type to dilly-dally. I had originally planned to bring him out for breakfast, but thanks to him, by the time we left the hotel it was already close to noon.

At that age, I was taller than Yan Yang by almost one head while he was still skinny. My down jacket clearly looked a size too big for him, making for quite a comical sight.

I dragged this reluctant boy out of the hotel, planning to grab a bite nearby.

"I want to attend your school," Yan Yang said, "In the future, I'll do well enough to come here."

I couldn't even be bothered to laugh at him. With his grades, relying solely on his ability, even in his next life he wouldn't be able to get into this school.

In the end, I still brought him to the school to eat in the canteen.

Yan Yang remarked, "Ge, your school is so nice."

When I first joined this school, I still felt a bit unhappy since I had only ended up here due to an unexpectedly poor showing at my university entrance exams. But there was no point crying over spilt milk, so I had slowly come to terms with it.

"This fried rice is really good." Yan Yang wolfed it down, getting a grain of rice stuck at the corner of his mouth in the process. He lifted his head and said to me, "Ge, watch this, I'll perform a special trick for you."

His so-called 'special trick' was slipping his tongue out to lick that grain of rice off the corner of his mouth. After licking it off, he shot a grin at me. The sight irritated me.

One hallmark of that period of time was that when he was around me, I felt irritated, and when he wasn't, I also felt irritated.

Yan Yang said, "Ge, can I ask you a question?"

"Go ahead." I looked down as I ate, feeling bothered.

"They told me that once you go to university, you'll definitely get a girlfriend. Do you have a girlfriend now?"

"Where did this weird saying come from?" I asked, "Who told you that?"

"My classmates," Yan Yang replied, "They said all university students get into relationships."

Yan Yang laughed, "But high school students do too; our class has quite a few couples."

I lifted my head to face him and told him to stop thinking about these useless things and instead devote his time to contemplating how to raise his grades.

After saying that, I suddenly remembered how his mum said they were sending him overseas for his tertiary education. In that case, he didn't need to be too stressed about his academics.

"There's someone who likes me," Yan Yang said, "It's a guy. Quite handsome, and he's nice to me too."

I didn't know where this anger had come from, but once he finished his sentence, the spoon in my hand was immediately thrown onto the table.

"Ge, don't be mad, I didn't tell him the secret, only you and I know." Yan Yang carefully put his own spoon in my hand as he continued, "When he wanted to touch me, I pushed him away."

"The hell are you doing in school every day?" I snapped at him, "Can you think about something proper for once?"

I was indeed angry, because the thought of someone touching him made me incredibly irritated.

After so many years, Yan Yang still hadn’t learnt how to say no to others. Was he really able to push someone away when they touched him?

He could tell that I was mad and was a little scared by it. He sat in front of me with his head lowered, remaining silent.

That meal was an unhappy one for the both of us. I ordered Yan Yang to get another spoon for himself. His head was lowered as he ate, never once raising it until he finished eating. When we were about to leave, I realised his eyes had reddened.

He was just like that, and always had been since he was young. A few harsh words were already enough to make him cry.

When we walked out, the cold air cut our faces like blades.

Yan Yang buried his face in his woollen scarf. Only two red-rimmed eyes peeked out.

"Go back to the hotel and take a nap," I said, "At night I'll bring you out for the New Year countdown."

I walked a few steps ahead, and he quickly caught up, subconsciously wanting to tug at my arm.

At this moment, we just so happened to bump into a female classmate of mine. Actually, we weren't very close, but since we had run into each other, we had to at least exchange a few polite words.

We said hello, and she asked me about the upcoming exams after New Year's. When she left, Yan Yang frowned and asked me, "Ge, why are you so nice to others, but so fierce to me?"