Chapter 22

It was only right for me to cherish Yan Yang, and I indeed did.

But a lot of the time, it was because I cherished him that I felt even more ashamed.

I had still hurt him, and hadn't stopped.

Yan Yang grabbed my wrist. From the beginning to the end, his tears had never stopped. Throughout this, he had not managed to experience any happiness at all, and neither had I. Neither of us found this pleasurable.

But I tried to stop. Seeing him like this, no matter how much I hardened my heart, I still couldn't continue.

I wanted to let him go take a warm bath and get a good night's rest. In his current state, I wasn't sure if he needed to see a doctor too.

But when I pulled out, he immediately clung to me.

He hugged me and begged for me to continue. He sat up, pressed against my chest, his tears wetting the front of my shirt.

He was definitely in unbearable pain, but he was still forcing himself to tolerate it. When I entered him again, the two people outside the room were still talking. I couldn't make out what they were saying, and I didn't care either. I looked straight at Yan Yang, putting all my focus on him.

This time, I didn't let him bite the back of his own hand. The skin had already broken through, blood trickling out.

I took a pillow and gave it to him to bite. He shut his eyes tight and bit down on the edge of the pillow. With both hands, he held onto his legs and opened himself up to me again.

As I entered, he opened his mouth wide, panting heavily. He didn't seem like he was making love at all; it looked more like he was being tortured.

I had no choice. Yan Yang, in this state, made me want to look away, yet I also had no choice but to look. That was the first time I realised: I really did care about him.

I slowed down, finally choosing not to bully him anymore. But by then, he had already become a cotton doll torn apart at the seams. No matter how much more careful I was, he had already been hurt.

I leant over him, supporting myself with my palms by his sides. Our faces inches from each other, I asked him in a whisper, "Why must you do this?"

My one question made Yan Yang cry even harder. He hugged me, his cries almost becoming audible.

Yan Yang said, "Ge, it really hurts."

His words were like a hand, grabbing and twisting my heart. I closed my eyes and sighed as I wrapped my arms around him.

"Kiss me," Yan Yang said, "Put your lips on mine, kiss me."

He lay back down and took my hand, guiding it across his body.

"Kiss me here," he told me, as he placed my hand on his chest. Then he moved my hand again, to rest on his lips, "And here."

He kissed my fingers before slipping them into his mouth, lightly sucking on them one by one. I could feel my cock growing larger again inside him. I couldn't hold out against this sort of seduction.

At the end of the day, I was simply useless.

I couldn't even resist my own Didi's enticement.

I plunged deeper into him. Unprepared, Yan Yang accidentally let out a moan. Both of us got a fright.

I said, "You're fucking crazy."

"I'm not," Yan Yang held my hand and pressed it against his cheek. He turned his head to leave a kiss on my palm, "It was you who told me this was normal."

"I never said this was normal."

"But the other time, you told me that it was normal for boys to kiss each other," he said, "Why can't we?"

Why couldn't we?

Of course he knew the answer.

Both of us knew why we couldn't, but we still did it anyway.

He wasn't so tight anymore, so I started shallowly pumping in and out of him. He was likely still in a lot of pain, but he never asked me to stop.

I leant over him, and he hugged me.

I heard the sound of a door closing. The two of them had returned to their bedroom.

Yan Yang started softly moaning by my ear. It was restrained, yet incredibly bewitching.

I couldn't help but treat him with tenderness. By the time I noticed this problem, I was licking away the tears at the corner of his eyes.

Tears trickled down his face as I buried myself in him again and again. He stuttered out, "Ge…is this normal of me?"

It wasn't normal.

Neither of us were.

I didn't give him an answer. I just held him tighter, before releasing inside him.

At the end, perhaps from pain or something else, Yan Yang collapsed on my chest and broke down crying. The sound of his sobs echoed throughout the room. Even if I felt conflicted inside, I still just continued embracing him like that. We eventually fell asleep with our arms around each other in this narrow, single bed.

The next day, Yan Yang was down with a fever due to his anal injury and not cleaning it in time. He was cooped up in bed the entire day. His parents had left for work, so I stayed at home to take care of him. I cooked him porridge, fed him his food, and kept my eyes glued to him while he took his medication.

In the late afternoon, when Yan Yang had fallen asleep, I quietly left the house.

I went back to where I had lived before. After smoking three cigarettes, Hao Zi appeared.

I didn't usually get into fights, but that day I fiercely beat Hao Zi up. I stepped on Hao Zi's face and warned him to stay far away from my Di.

When I returned home, Yan Yang had woken up already. He stared at me and asked me where I had gone.

"Just went out for a walk," I replied, "I'm going to take a shower; go back to bed."

"I want to join you."

Yan Yang squeezed into the bathroom. Seeing the patches of green and purple on my body, he frowned and asked what had happened.

Then he caught sight of the scratches on my shoulder. He lifted a hand to touch them lightly, smiling as he said, "I did that."