Chapter 6

Ever since I moved in, everyone had been treating me quite well. At least, that was the case on the surface.

My dad, who was supposed to never have had a conscience, actually changed and started caring about me. My stepmum didn't seem to harbour any ill intent towards me and showed me extra concern. As for my Didi, our Yan Yang, he was especially obedient. Whenever there was anything good, he'd give it to me first. He even put the big red packet[1] his maternal grandma had secretly given him for Chinese New Year under my pillow.

I always took all of what he gave me. In front of him, I didn't have to act polite.

At this point in time, I was struggling with my studies. I knew that my other classmates had extra classes outside of school, but I felt awkward asking my dad and stepmother, afraid that they would think I was 'collecting debt' or…begging.

But I had my ways.

During this period of time, I would study late into the night every day. For many days straight, I stayed up extremely late.

At first, Yan Yang just thought I had a lot of homework to do. He would lie sprawled out on the table, muttering about how middle school seemed so terrifying while yawning non-stop as he accompanied me to stay up.

After a few days, Yan Yang fell sick. I followed him to get his injections, and he asked me, "Ge, aren't you tired from studying like that every day?"

How could I not be tired?

I was pretty good at acting. "Of course I’m tired, but I don't have a choice. You'll get it when you start middle school. My classmates have already learnt everything in the textbook in their enrichment classes, while I don't know anything. I can't keep up with what the teacher is saying, so I can only rely on myself to put in the extra work at home."

By the next day, my dad was already discussing with me about enrolling me into enrichment classes.

So, I really had been right from the start. In this household, as long as I had Yan Yang in my clutches, I could basically have whatever I liked.

Thanks to Yan Yang, I quickly started attending enrichment classes. But my foundation was originally already worse than others, so no matter how good the classes were I still needed a bit of time.

There were a lot of times when I was holding my breath, anxiously wanting to prove myself. However, in the entirety of my first year of middle school, my best performance was merely average in the class.

The summer after my first year ended, I was in quite a bad mood because of my poor grades. Yan Yang's mum could probably tell that I wasn't happy, so she suggested going on a trip together as a family.

I didn't feel like it, so I said I wanted to attend my enrichment classes instead. Yan Yang looked at me. He had originally been very excited to go and travel, but upon hearing that, he came over and pressed up against my side, saying he didn't want to go anymore too.

That day was the first time I genuinely flared up at Yan Yang.

It was when my dad and his mum had gone out and only the two of us were at home. He gave me a bowl of grapes, each one plucked and washed. Of course, it wasn't him who had washed them; he was just giving them to me.

At that moment, I was already in a terrible mood, feeling like I was seriously trash. The volcano was about to erupt, and Yan Yang had personally come to deliver his life.

I slapped his hand away and the grapes all fell to the ground, tumbling everywhere. Yan Yang stood rooted to the ground, the back of his hand reddened from my slap.

I scolded, "Can't you have a mind of your own? If you want to go out, just go! What's the point of following me?"

Yan Yang began to cry, sniffling and gasping. He cried until the tip of his nose was all red.

He pleaded, "Ge, don't be mad."

"Don't call me Ge." That day, I had really been annoyed to my limit, so I shouted at him.

The moment I yelled at him, he trembled. He really was such a coward.

Actually, whatever I had said that day exactly, I can't quite remember anymore. I only remember that Yan Yang was crying and apologising to me, but the problem was that the one who had flared up and yelled was me while he hadn't done anything wrong at all.

I was making a big fuss for no reason. Deep down, I also knew that I was taking out my hatred towards the grown-ups and my frustration towards my own inability on him. He was entirely innocent.

But I simply couldn't control it, bullying him like a monster.

Yan Yang shed a lot of tears. He probably hadn't experienced being wronged much when he was young, so he couldn't take even a few harsh words.

I couldn't be bothered to pay any more attention to him. I was most annoyed by others crying.

After yelling for a while, I calmed down considerably too.

I got up and went back to the bedroom, slamming the door behind me.

I thought that Yan Yang would definitely follow me in, but even after waiting for a long time, I didn't hear him knock on the door.

This didn't make me feel very good. Bullying him hadn't been my intention, and the object of my hatred had never been him. All the resentment I had towards him was also because my dad had taken away what had originally been meant to be my life and given it to him.

I had never intended to genuinely bully him. He was a tool I used to dig out a place for me in this household, but I had never intended to destroy this tool.

I didn't want to destroy him. What I wanted was for him to forever be used by me; that was all.

When I opened the door to exit the room, I saw Yan Yang squatting on the floor with the fruit bowl in his hand, picking up the grapes one by one. Even as he picked up the grapes, he was still wiping his tears away. The moment he saw me, he was so scared he nearly fell on his butt.

Not only had making him cry not given me any sense of achievement, it had made me feel dejected inside. This feeling wasn't nice at all.

I walked over and silently picked up all the grapes with him, then washed them again.

The two of us stood in the kitchen, with Yan Yang behind me.

He said, "Ge, I'm sorry."

"What are you apologising for?" The person who should be apologising was me, but I simply couldn't spit it out.

He drew a tissue to wipe his snot and mumbled, "I made you angry."

He tugged at the corner of my shirt and asked me, "Then…about summer vacation…are we still going?"

In the end, what happened was that the week before my enrichment classes started, the four of us visited an ancient city nearby. We stayed there leisurely for a week. Yan Yang was finally cheered up, dragging me all over the place each day and using his pocket money to buy fun little toys for me. By the time we got back, half the space in my school bag was occupied by the strange things he had bought.

Years later when we were moving houses, Yan Yang was a bit surprised to see that I had stored all these things in a box. He told me, "I thought you would've long since thrown them all away."

Footnotes:

[1] ‘big red packet’: During Chinese New Year, it’s customary for adult relatives to give red packets (sort of like red envelopes, with money inside) to the younger ones. It’s for good luck! The 'big' here doesn't mean size, it means the sum of money inside is large. Also, red packets are put under children's pillows to ward off evil spirits.  Didi is protecting Gege from the evil demons~