Chapter 31

The first year Yan Yang spent studying overseas had been quite difficult for him. It was a relatively good music school, so the people who were able to enrol were all big fish. For the first time, he cried to me because of his own personal problems.

He had always been more prone to crying, but when I looked back and recalled, ever since we met, all of his tears had been because of me. This time was the only exception.

He said, “Ge, I’m so stressed.”

I could understand why he was stressed.

His parents had sent him overseas to study at this sort of specialised institution. The fees were ten times more expensive than that of regular colleges.

But I was quite surprised too. I hadn't expected that this family was that wealthy.

In the past, I hadn't known how much money had to be spent for Yan Yang to study music. Only when he was already preparing to leave did I then find out – those numbers were utterly astronomical to me.

I wanted to do my postgraduate studies overseas, in the UK, for just one year. Taking all the expenses for a year into account, it would amount to a few hundred thousand yuan. Of course, if I could obtain a scholarship, it would be a different story, but I had to be prepared to spend money regardless.

To obtain these few hundred thousand yuan, I had wracked my brain. I had even taken the initiative to bed my own Didi, abandoning my moral bottom line and human principles to get my hands on them.

But that Didi of mine hadn't even needed to ask. Over a million yuan was easily spent to send him to America to study music.

I indeed envied Yan Yang. This, I had never denied.

When I knew so much money had to be spent for him to study overseas, a part of me was envious, but another part of me was also worried. I was scared that since so much had to be spent on him, there would be none left for me.

Fortunately, that hadn’t been the case.

In truth, behind Yan Yan’s back, I had already applied for the university I wanted. Everything was now set in stone. Even his parents knew. Only he did not.

We were all keeping it from him.

I was the one who had told them not to tell Yan Yang, the reason I gave being that I was afraid that if Yan Yang knew I wasn’t going to the same city and country as him, he wouldn’t feel like studying anymore and would start throwing tantrums.

Of their own son’s temper, they were of course clear. Yan Yang’s father, in particular, had long since realised how abnormally attached Yan Yang was to me. The farther I was from his son, the happier he was.

When Yan Yang was studying in the US, he kept asking me about how my applications were going. I always gave him a vague answer. Eventually, I couldn't be vague about it anymore so I mentioned a random university in the States.

He fell for it.

He said that university wasn’t in the same city as his. He even started to plan when he could come and see me every week, looking at the apartments near that university and even asking me whether to buy a mobility scooter or not when the time came.

Yan Yang was planning it all, waiting for me to meet him in America.

But in the end, I went to the United Kingdom.

When Yan Yang found out, he was in America, while I was at the airport, preparing to depart for London.

Nobody had come to send me off, while he had already made the necessary preparations to welcome me at the airport.

I sat in the departure hall, on the phone with Yan Yang. He happily asked me what time I was arriving, saying he had rented a car already, ready to come pick me up.

Yan Yang kept speaking to me earnestly, saying how much he missed me, and how badly he wanted to see me right now. He said he had ordered roses, ninety-nine of them. Red ones, as a symbol of love.

He said, “Ge, when you’re here, let’s publicly be lovers. Earlier today, my classmate asked me why I’m so happy. I said my boyfriend is coming to reunite with me.”

His happiness was not faked. From his voice, I could tell just how much he was anticipating our reunion.

At that instant, I regretted it all.

My frustration was like ocean waters in the depths of the night, turbulently churning as they crashed against the innocent shore.

I sat there. The sunlight from beyond the window spilled onto my frame, but I could not feel even a touch of its warmth.

When Yan Yang spoke of that, I imagined the scene of him welcoming me with roses in his hand. In the entire airport, he would be the most eye-catching one. Beautiful, passionate, and filled with love.

We’d embrace each other, we’d kiss, and the roses would fall to the floor because of our movements.

Yan Yang would be overjoyed to tears because of my arrival.

Of course, the above scene could only happen if I was going to the States.

But the reality was, I was not.

I told Yan Yang, “I’m sorry. I’m boarding the plane in thirty minutes, to London.”

A long silence ensued on the other end of the call. I didn’t say anything either. Like this, we stayed frozen.

I was suddenly filled with worry for Yan Yang, afraid that something had happened to him.

But in the end, Yan Yang just replied, “Okay, I got it.”

His tone was very calm, so calm that it seemed like it was another person who was answering me.

I should have hung up and waited to board with my heart at ease, but I simply couldn’t press the button to cut the call. When I realised this, my whole body was already soaked in sweat in this fully air-conditioned airport.

My hand was shaking. I sat there, unable to move.

I couldn’t say anything, couldn’t make a sound.

I only felt fear and guilt.

Yan Yang hung up first. After so many years, this was the first time he had hung up before I did.

He had once said, “Ge, do you know why I always wait for you to hang up first? Because I don’t want you to hear the tone after a call ends; it sounds too lonely.”

At that moment, as I listened to the ‘du– du–’ tone from the phone speaker, I was met with the loneliness I had never felt before.